Narcissists always see themselves as victims no matter how horribly they’ve treated someone else. To them the problem is not their lying cheating stealing and abuse. The problem is that you started to notice those things.
– The Black Butterfly
Narcissists always see themselves as victims no matter how horribly they’ve treated someone else. To them the problem is not their lying cheating stealing and abuse. The problem is that you started to notice those things.
– The Black Butterfly
Here are some cheating myths you better review twice before believing them.
Myths about cheaters? Yes, you read that right. Maybe you should go back and read that once again and let that sink in. Some people are of the belief that cheating is what some people are actively seeking to get rid of their monotonous relationships and that cheaters are the most treacherous and heinous creatures on this earth. They are better done away with. Because who on earth cheats? How can someone commit such an unforgivable crime?
Crime, indeed it is. But when (if) you ever find your partner cheating on you, do not jump into hasty conclusions. Before you make some biased assumptions regarding cheating and cheaters, do consider this list of 10 cheating myths.
However unbelievable they might sound, these 10 myths about cheating truly needs to be done away with.
It is time we stop believing that cheaters are out there with a hidden agenda to toss you out of their lives and destroy your good night’s sleep. No! Infidelity does not function that way. Affairs outside of the relationship are as equally surprising for both the person who is cheating and also the person being cheated on.
Even people who stray find it difficult to point out what really made them do it. Dr. Tasso says, “Inadvertent cheating is when you innocently start chatting with someone like a friend or old acquaintance, perhaps via social media, for example,” says. “From there it can turn into something more than just casual, whether emotional or physical.” He rightfully says that the internet is a “fertile ground for infidelity.”
A survey designed by Divorce-Online, a UK-based legal services firm had the word ‘facebook’ mentioned in the form as a reason behind infidelity.
If someone is cheating they would probably not feel guilty because it’s their conscious decision. No. If this is the case, then we human beings might be perfect. Like most of us, people who slip on the slippery slope of infidelity also have a conscience. It is wrong to assume that cheaters are psychopaths.
Dr. Kurt Smith says, “I’ve found that most cheaters really do have a conscience. Many people who cheat didn’t set out to do so. A lot of time cheating just develops out of one bad decision followed by another bad decision.” You might have varying reaction – anger, frustration, resentment, grief to your cheating partner but it doesn’t mean your partner enjoys cheating on you– they’ll probably just not show how they feel about it. Dr. Kurt says, “Once they’ve crossed that line, it’s easier to justify it, keep on cheating, and enjoy the ride while it lasts.”
No matter how surprising it sounds, an unhappy relationship is seldom a cause for an extra affair. Paradoxically, cheating happens even when the cheater is satisfied and happy with his/her significant other. The act of cheating is symbolic of something that is lacking in the relationship, in your partner or yourself.
For instance, the need for self-exploration might be a very strong reason behind seeking affection outside one’s relationship. Perel writes, “People stray for a multitude of reasons, and every time I think I have heard them all, a new variation emerges. But one theme comes up repeatedly: affairs as a form of self-discovery, a quest for a new (or lost) identity. For these seekers, infidelity is less likely to be a symptom of a problem and is more often described as an expansive experience that involves growth, exploration, and transformation.”
Overall, it is safe to say that people in happy relationships might also give in to cheating to seek the thrill of the forbidden, to experience the excitement of newfound emotions. It has very little to do with the nature of the present relationship.
Tammy Nelson, a couples therapist and the author of The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity says, “When we assume “once a cheater, always a cheater,” we deeply underestimate people’s ability to change.” This saying simply sells people short.
Why Trust In A Relationship Is More Important Than Love
“I trust you is a better compliment than I love you because you may not always trust the person you love but you can always love the person you trust.” – Anonymous
Love feels great. Entering a new romantic relationship can feel truly amazing with exciting dates filled with laughter, long walks at late nights, curling up together on the couch to watch horror movies and those passionate kisses. But what doesn’t feel great is being in a relationship without trust. When the love and excitement are replaced with doubt and fear, that’s when things start to turn ugly. And this is why trust in a relationship is sometimes more important than love.
The fact is we all have baggage and whether willingly or not, we bring that baggage into our relationships. Whether you’re dealing with childhood trauma or trying to overcome infidelity in your previous relationship, our past always affects our relationships in one way or the other. That’s why trust forms the core of any relationship. Trust is crucial for relationship success and satisfaction. However, trust is also fragile. Once it breaks, it can be really really hard to rebuild it in a relationship.
“Trust is letting go of needing to know all the details before you open your heart.” – Anonymous
Trust in a relationship means you believe that your partner is reliable and has your best interests in their hearts. It means you have faith and confidence in them. And you feel emotionally and physically safe with them, just as they do with you. It means you expect respect, integrity, loyalty, and honesty in your relationship. You expect your partner to keep promises and secrets, and to support you when the tides get rough.
However, trust also means that you understand your partner and forgive them when they break promises and agreements. You cannot have trust in a relationship if one partner is willing while the other one is unwilling.
In a healthy relationship, both partners will express their trust in different ways, like:
Trusting each other gives you the freedom to be your genuine self in the relationship. You and your partner can build trust in your relationship gradually and naturally by loving and caring for each other. However, you cannot force someone to trust you nor you demand it. It will take time to develop trust in your relationship.
“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.” – Walter Anderson
Although you might be keen on saying that love is the most important part of a relationship, I would say that it is trust that is most important in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Take a moment to truly think about it. Imagine a relationship without trust – you and your spouse/partner love each other a lot, however, you don’t necessarily trust them. Now when they tell you they will be going for a business trip over the weekend, how would you feel? Would you feel that they are working hard to give you a good life? Or would you think that they are having an affair with someone from work? Most likely you would think that your partner is cheating on you. You will lose your peace of mind. You will start doubting them. You will keep checking their laptops and phone. You will try to track them. You will ask them a lot of questions. You will have arguments and fights. And this will lead to the probable end of the relationship. Love without trust doesn’t look that good. Does it?
A relationship can easily turn into a nightmare if there’s no trust in it. Your relationship will gradually become unhealthy, dysfunctional, chaotic and toxic. And that is a recipe for disaster. Trust is crucial for your relationship to thrive. Trust is essential to love and feel loved.
Did you know that lack of trust is the reason why most people end their relationships? The Relationships Surveys Indicators 2011 claims that among the top 4 causes of relationship breakdowns, lack of trust is the most common. Trust is the foundation on which your relationship survives the toughest seasons of life. A relationship without trust will never sustain for a long time, regardless of how much you love each other.
Why trust drives a relationship more than love
“Trust is built when someone is vulnerable and not taken advantage of.” – Bob Vanourek
If you knew that a person would definitely cheat on you, would you still choose to love them? No. you won’t. No one wants to get their heart broken deliberately. As rational human beings, we can only love people we trust. It is the building block of a relationship. Love is born out of trust. You still may be attracted to that person, but you can’t love them. A relationship that is not based on trust will never survive the test of time.
Every relationship is fun in the beginning. It’s always exciting when you get to know each other. Thrilling to chase one another. Everything is beautiful. Everything seems to be perfect.
But eventually, it gets hard, it gets boring after you’ve been together for years. When the problems and differences start to settle in. When the flaws of each other and faults start to show themselves. It becomes difficult and complicated, feelings start to fade. The spark is gone. It now drains you. And you want to feel wanted, admired and loved again like you used to feel in the early stage of your relationship. You want to feel the excitement again. The thrill.
That’s when people tend to quit and go look for someone else. Someone better. But it doesn’t have to be that way. No relationship is perfect. It’s always good before it gets bad, it’s always easy before it gets hard, it’s always feel perfect before it gets real. As much as you want it to be perfect, it will never be perfect even with someone else. It’s not about being with someone better.
Yeah, it’s so easy to love someone when things are perfect and wonderful. Anyone can love someone who’s doing and saying all the right things. When they’re being everything you want and need.
But when things become difficult when they’re messing up, flaws are seen, mistakes are made, when they’re not being perfect, and yet you’re willing to stand by them no matter how difficult things may be, I think that’s the kind of love that is a lot more beautiful.
Even when it does get boring and complicated.
Even when it feels like you’re done. That’s when you’re supposed to remember why you’re with that person in the first place. How much this person means to you. And what losing them would be like because being able to love someone even when they’re being hard to love, and despite of all the difficulties is the real definition of a perfect relationship.
Because no matter who you’re with, it’s always going to get boring.
Should You Break Up If They Cheat?- let’s find out.
You are filled with shock, horror, disbelief, rage, hurt, and humiliation with a large dollop of guilt and then shame. You’ve found out that your significant other has cheated on you.
Perhaps just once, long ago, or perhaps this has been an ongoing, recurrent feature throughout your relationship.
What do you do? How do you proceed? Can you walk the line between following your gut instinct and analyzing the situation to shreds? Help! you cry.
It’s true, there really are different kinds of cheating. It is not all of the same stripe, or with the same consequences, so think carefully about what it is you’ve just unearthed.
There’s the (relatively!) straightforward one-night-stand. There is drunken lasciviousness, or irresistable temptation, or the long-standing affair.
There is plain, hurtful, emotional infidelity, and there is the “just sex” buddy. If your partner has been involved in a long-term affair, you need to seriously assess if you can ever trust them not to live a double life again, and in this case, the level of hurt inflicted can be so great as to make staying together a somewhat stupid idea.
You may snigger scornfully at this idea, but do ask your partner why they think they strayed, and listen carefully to see if the explanation is at all similar to what you think.
If the difference is huge, this is either because your partner is lying or you are unable to accept the truth, or because both of you have a potentially fatal communication gap.
In the event that you can find common ground, try to figure out what factors were at work in the infidelity.
If the reason your partner strayed has more to do with habits, annoying ones that you display-or pleasant ones, such as sex, that you’ve gotten out of the routine of-there might be hope for you.
If it is something like “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” then you have a far stickier problem on your hands. You’ll need to figure out what kind of cheating you can live with and what is impossible, what you just don’t want to know, and what you’re getting in return for putting up with infidelity.
If it seems like your partner had the affair or encounter with a deliberate eye to hurt you or humiliate you – i.e., with your colleague, in public etc – then you might want to just gather yourself with as much dignity as possible and move on.
If you are absolutely going to stay together, then negotiate everything down to the last detail and set out penalties and deal-breakers clearly.
Decide how much forgiveness you are willing to extend, but make it unconditional. Try not to confuse issues. If your partner forgets to clean out the refrigerator or do the laundry, do not use those as excuses to bring up their cheating. The only way this will work is if you can move past negative emotions such as hurt, anger, and resentment.
As you know, cheating is one of the main problems in relationships and marriages. There are many cheaters out there. The bad thing about it is that some cheaters are actually getting away with it.
One of the reasons is because the other partner doesn’t suspect anything. You don’t want to be one of those people in a relationship that doesn’t know what is going on right under their nose.
So, here are 50 common signs of a cheater to help you get a little idea of suspicious behaviors that can pinpoint cheating.
Now don’t think just because you notice 1 or 2 of the signs mentioned above that your partner is cheating. There could be legit reasons for them.
All you need to do is watch your partner and note down what’s going on, when it’s going on, and put your private eye investigations skills to the test.
When cheating is occurring, you might notice 5-10 of the above signs happening on a daily basis.
The more signs you notice, the higher the chance they are cheating. Eventually, everything will unfold right before your eyes with patience, observation, and a little detective skills.
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Cheating is nothing new. Secret flings and discreet meetings have been orchestrated by unfaithful partners ranging from beggars to kings for hundreds of years, and truth be told, there’s likely no end to infidelity in sight. Perhaps as open relationships and marriages become more commonplace, the casual hookup with a relative stranger will become a less serious offense against the heart. In fact, some might even come to view the occasional boink as healthy … sexy, even.
Not everyone is truthful about their promiscuous habits with the people they’re supposedly dating. Go figure — people still lie about cheating, especially now that online communities have made the game that much easier to play. Without so much as a whisper of the transgression — the evidence lost in deleted emails and erased text messages — anyone can now start a steamy profile and check the box marked, “discreet relationship.” Just think about how often NSA appears on Craigslist nowadays. And what about our password-protected emails and accounts? All you have to do is clear your private data, and your boyfriend or girlfriend will be none the wiser.
Now perhaps more than ever before, sexual secrecy has become the cornerstone of many social networks and online dating communities — fling.com and xtube.com [NSFW], just to name a few. That said, as we transfer our lives online and live out fantasies in the digital world, how can we tell if our better halves are stepping out for a little play on the side?
Chronic chatting when you’re actually in the room could be just another way of neglecting you, because they might busy laying the groundwork for a discreet encounter with another person. True, everyone chats online these days, but when partners close or minimize chat windows when you come close, that’s a good indication they’re up to something they don’t want you to know about.
Text messages can include some pretty risqué language and leave a trail of breadcrumbs leading right to a motel with a do-not-disturb sign hanging on the doorknob. If your lover is deleting their messages constantly, then you can be relatively sure it’s not because they want to save room on their phone for more pictures of the two of you together.
Like chats, emails can really reveal the true intentions of a person. Unlike chats, however, emails are much more pointed, and the questions are much more focused. When and where do you want to meet? Does your husband suspect anything? Would you like to see some more x-rated photos or what? Who knows what other details and photos a lover could send to their partner in crime?
Almost everyone these days leads a double life — there’s the life where we venture out to the bar, attend matinees, and cook dinner at home; and then there’s the life we lead online, where anyone can flirt, exchange photos, and arrange an erotic rendezvous. If your partner isn’t sharing his online behavior and comments with you — some even block their girlfriends or boyfriends from seeing their Facebook comments — then that should definitely send up some red flags.
“Where have you been?” a disgruntled lover may ask when you come home late, but shouldn’t we be able to ask the same question about each other’s online lives? If you use your lover’s computer from time to time and you find that there’s absolutely no history to speak of, then you might wonder if they’ve been signing in to their adult networks to keep up with some saucy communications.
Phones record almost everything — sent and received text messages, outgoing and incoming calls — and you never know when a steamy sext from your booty call could arrive. If your partner is extremely hesitant about loaning you their phone, even if only for a few minutes, then you might wonder if they’re afraid that you’ll see something they’ve previously kept hidden from you.
The betrayal of infidelity hurts. The cheater’s actions hurt the spouse who was betrayed, their children, their families, close friends, and even their community.
But these aren’t the only people infidelity hurts. Cheating hurts the cheater too.
You’re probably wondering how cheating could possibly hurt the one doing the betraying because they’re the one who is apparently doing what they want without caring how it impacts anyone else.
How cheating affects the cheater is profound. Their actions hurt them, their marriages, and all their other important relationships.
Despite the initial thrill of an affair, cheating can negatively affect the cheater emotionally. It’s common for them to feel anxiety, guilt, shame, worry, regret, confusion, embarrassment, and self-loathing when they contemplate how their actions impact those they love and why they cheated in the first place.
When they think about and experiences how their actions impact them, they feel the sting and anguish of their poor judgment.
All of these thoughts swirling through their heads and the rollercoaster of their emotions can lead cheaters to live two completely different lives while the affair continues. One where they feel the addictive ecstasy of love and the other where they feel hatred.
Of course, living these two polar-opposite lives puts extreme stress not only on themselves but on their marriage too. Their spouse may not have all the facts, but chances are good that they can tell there’s something going on.
And when the spouse does discover the truth, they will feel pain to their core as they rightfully wonder what part of the relationship with their wayward spouse was real and what part was a lie.
As the betrayed spouse struggles to figure this out, they will lash out at the cheater both directly and indirectly as they come to terms with the betrayal. The cheater will feel the brunt of their anger and distrust which may become abusive.
Being on the receiving end of the pain their spouse is suffering because of the cheating can easily become too much for the straying spouse.
At one extreme, they may deny their responsibility for causing the pain and blame their spouse for forcing them to cheat. At the other extreme, they may feel they deserve the punishment, accept it as just, and live out the rest of their lives as a mere shadow of their true selves.
Then again, their spouse isn’t the only person in their lives who will judge them. There are plenty of others in the cheater’s life who will look down upon them for their actions — their in-laws, parents, siblings, friends, co-workers and even their children.
How cheating affects the cheater is complicated and painful.
If you’re considering betraying your spouse, my hope is this information has given you pause.
If you’ve already begun an affair, my hope is this information will give you the courage to begin thinking about the cost of your affair.
In either case, your marriage is in trouble and it’s time for you to get clear about what you’re willing to do to change your marriage for the better or to take the necessary steps to end it.
No matter how you look at it, the bottom line is cheating affects the cheater and all the important people in their life.
You would think with the fact that we post our lives publicly for the world to see, that there would be more transparency. Unfortunately having access to multiple social media accounts permits more avenues and loop holes that can lead to temptation.
While relationships shouldn’t have to be justified through social media or made official on Facebook for others to accept and respect them, they shouldn’t necessarily be hidden.
So, what happens when your partner starts to use social media in such a way that boundaries become blurred? Are you just overreacting when they liked that picture or is this the start of something more?
Timing definitely plays a role in this one. If you are newly dating someone and they don’t want to make anything public yet, that is fair. Some people like to keep their budding relationships on the down low. But refusing to accept your friend request or follow back after a year of dating? Whatever reason they come up with, this may be a red flag that they want to hide the fact they are in a relationship. There is a difference between keeping things private and keeping things a secret, one is used to protect, the other is used to deceive.
Being added as a friend on social shouldn’t be a big deal and if they make it one, it could be because they have ulterior motives.
Instagram in particular is a feeding frenzy for the eyes when it comes to scantily clad, sexualised poses from attractive people. It becomes somewhat of a fantasy land. If your partner is actively engaged in conversations with these people, or slipping into their DM’s, you may want to have a conversation about their activity.
Each partner should always be accountable to actions and how they affect the other person. Interacting with accounts that are disrespectful to your relationship is not OK.
Our phones are a huge part of our lives, some of us have even built careers around being a social media star! However, being addicted to social media is detrimental to your relationship and affects your interactions with people offline. If you’re glued to your phone 24/7, you’re not connecting with the people physically around you. Oftentimes, we compare our lives to those who appear to be “living their best life” on The Gram. Social media often fails to show the bad, or tougher days people have which ultimately causes people to compare their lives to one that only looks perfect on the outside. There is no such thing as perfect.
Social media is not an invitation to connect with the past just because you now have access to it. Chatting to exes can lead to temptation to pick up where you left off.
It also is unnecessary and disrespectful to your current relationship. Rule of thumb; if you don’t feel comfortable catching up with that person in the company of your spouse then don’t add them!
This is again a matter of hiding the fact that they are in a relationship. It’s not to say you have to be in all their photos, but rather there should always be transparency about the fact that you are in a relationship. A subtle caption, a casual photo or mention are easy ways to communicate this to the public eye.
Most of the time if someone is getting on the defensive about their behaviour, it’s usually because they know they are doing something wrong.
Written by Renee Slansky
Source – DatingDirectory.com
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It means more than only sleeping with one person, only kissing one person, only being physically involved with one person.
Because you don’t need more booty calls or backup plans. Because you’re happy with the person that you’re dating and would never dream of cheating on them.
It means telling the girl hitting on you at the bar that you’re in a relationship. It means making it clear that you aren’t interested in her instead of leading her on and enjoying the fact that someone other than your partner is attracted to you.
So everyone knows you’re taken, instead of purposely trying to make other people think that you’re single so that they treat you differently. So that you still get checked out and receive miniature confidence boosts.
It means being open, even when the truth makes you uncomfortable, because you believe that your person deserves to know what really happened.
What they would consider being disloyal, and never crossing that line.
You are allowed to text someone else. You are allowed to like someone else’s picture on Instagram. You are allowed to have friends of every gender.
But if you start hiding texts from your person, because you know that they would get upset if they found out about what you’ve been saying to some other girl — if you leave several inappropriate, sexual comments underneath another girl’s picture — if you treat your female friend exactly the same as your girlfriend, then something is seriously wrong.
Maybe you’re not technically cheating, but you’re coming close enough. Close enough for your girlfriend to worry. Close enough to hurt the person who loves you more than anything.
Remember, being faithful means more than never letting another person into your bed. It means never letting another person in your heart.
It means that you’ve decided you’ve found the person you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with and you aren’t going to do anything to mess it up.
Written by Holly Riordin
Believe it or not, it’s not about SEX, and it’s not about Physical Attraction to the other woman. For many men who have cheated their wives or mates were far MORE attractive than the other woman, and their husbands found their wives more sexually satisfying, too.
Affairs are usually the result of one single factor, but can be the accumulation of many. For most an affair was a way of meeting a certain emotional need that their partners were not providing. Although, there are often other factors as well, such as boredom; the desire to punish one’s partner; excitement, risk, or challenge; and even ‘power’ to name a few.
Usually, if a man is having, or contemplating having, an affair, he is using it as a way to fill an emotional void he feels in his current relationship with his mate. Most underlying causes of infidelity are based on the person (who is doing the cheating) seeking certain needs that were lacking in their relationships.
Believe, it or not, when it comes to relationships, men have needs too.
Men, just like women, seek certain emotional needs. These may be different needs than the ones we feel, but just as important to their fulfillment as our needs being fulfilled are important to us. What are a man’s needs?
Face it, women like affection and men like sex. A man is feeling his most free to give love for a woman when he is engaged in sex with her. It is one of the few times he can relax and feel love without the expectations of having to ‘pay’ for it. What I mean when I say ‘pay’ for it is when a man says I love you, or feels love, he also feels the tremendous burden of what those words mean to him. He must now provide for her. Keep her happy and secure. Provide a safe home to which they may raise a family. Seek steady and financially secure employment. Seek her approval on every single plan before putting it into action. Yes, when a man says “I Love You” his insides turn with fear and worry about being able to provide all those I just mentioned. Love to woman often means security. Love to a man often means work! When a man is having sex with a woman he is allowed to feel his love for her free of all the ‘work’ that comes with the word love. He can open himself up and feel not being taken, drained, or pressured to provide… but experience the pure joy of mutual giving and taking with no other reason than loving bliss. Men cheat when they feel pressured at home.
This is when he feels his needs for acceptance being taken care of. A man wants his woman to be his best friend, his pal. He wants her to share an interest in his activities. This, in turn, makes him feel you are showing an interest in him! If he wants to golf, or fish, and you show no interest at all in joining him, he feels like his likes are unacceptable to you. Like you somehow don’t approve of him or have interests in him. When you join him you provide his need for you to be interested, and accepting of him. He feels attractive, comfortable, and secure. He feels validated and understood (Hence the good old adultery line “She doesn’t understand me!”) By joining in his hobbies and activities you are showing him you are interested in him and accept everything about him, and that you trust him to make you happy. A man may be unfaithful if his partner doesn’t share the same interests.
Oh, OUCH! This one hurts, but it is true. Men are definitely creatures of visual stimulation. Note the marketable comparison in the amount of men’s ‘girlie’ magazines (they are meant to tantalize, tease, and whet the appetite) as compared to women’s ‘boyie’ magazines. Women sometimes forget this need because they don’t have the same visual needs. Women feel love, and that bond excites them. Men see it! Men may cheat because they fall victim to their own basic animal desires. This type of unfaithful man hasn’t any involvement, attachment or commitment to the other woman, but that doesn’t mean that it hurts his partner any less.
33 Ways He’s Micro Cheating You (and totally getting away with it)
Micro-cheating is rather simple if you feel the need to hide it, if you feel guilty you are. Its not about having friendships its about betrayals that you know you are doing and pretending its nothing when you know deep down its something. The conscience judges this one. –
1- Constantly reaching out to female “just a friend” for minor issues.
2- Deliberately leaving his wedding ring at home when he’s going out with his boys just so that others don’t know that he’s taken.
3- Gives the waitress a ridiculously high amount as tip just because she is attractive.
4- Forgetting about you at parties and constantly being engrossed in conversations with other women.
5- His Instagram following list it full of hot girls and he’s so religiously following their posts that he actually thinks he knows them.
6- Unnecessarily exchanging contacts with females for official purpose even though there isn’t the slightest of chance of them collaborating ever.
7- Sending inappropriate videos and jokes related to sexual humour to other females he calls as friends.
8- Following up with a “nice to meet you” message unnecessarily.
9- He is too interested in constantly checking other women’s posts on social media handles than his own girls.
10- Speaking about his emotions to other females but not his own girlfriend.
11– Making sure that he gets back home and compliments the woman he had just co-incidentally met last night.
12- Not mentioning about his significant other in front of his mates and friends so that they aren’t aware of him being taken.
13- Not giving your relationship a tag in front of others.
14- Sometimes he often openly denies being in a relationship with you just to initiate a conversation with other females at clubs.
15- Closing his eyes when he needs a minute to escape and daydreaming about the girl he’s crushing on because she’s the only thing he has on her mind right now.
16- His girlfriend is never the first person he goes to when anything good happens to him.
17- Still stuck on an ex and reaches out to them when it’s important date like anniversary etc.
18- Doing a little extra for random girls. Even tags them in cute posts on different social media.
19- Telling other girls that he has been thinking about them.
20- When he has a tough time in the relationship, he starts giving hope to other females that he will soon be available.
21- Worse yet, texting her “good morning” just to say good morning.
22- Picking up the tab in an extra way just to look cool around.
23- Choosing to spend more time with other females and not his girlfriend.
24- Sending past pictures to exes just to revive the past.
25- Creating inside jokes and code words with other women.
26- Changes your way of dressing so that you resemble someone else.
27- Gifting his girlfriend with a bottle of the perfume his crush wears so she’ll smell like his latest fantasy chick.
28- Still holding on to the piece of clothing he was given by his ex even though it’s completely out of fashion.
29- Constantly talks about some other women in front of his friends and never about you.
30- Downplaying a certain woman’s awesomeness whenever she’s mentioned around his significant other as if proactively doing damage control.
31- Saving other girls’ contacts with a different name on his phone so that he isn’t caught.
32- Tagging other girls on random posts because it reminds him of them.
33- Purposefully never mentioning about his girlfriend.
According to psychologists these 5 tricks can reveal if your partner is cheating on you.
No matter how beautiful your relationship might sound, remember that a fairy tale has its dragons too. At many points of time in a relationship, we experience insecurities regarding our partners.
These sudden thoughts might be true or might not be. They might be due to some lack of understanding regarding our partner or it could be our instincts.
The challenge is to understand which message is by our instinct and which by our insecurities.
To remove this confusion, psychologist and body language expert Philip Adcock came up with some easy tricks which will help us judge whether our partner is cheating on us or not.
Before learning the tricks, we should understand that these tricks do not necessarily conclude that our partner is cheating on us but they do reveal whether they are lying or not.
Here are 5 Tricks That Can Reveal If Your Partner Is Cheating On You
Eyes always tell the truth. They can’t hide anything. So if your partner is avoiding eye-contact, then it’s a warning sign that they are up to something. A honest person will always look into the eye and talk.
Breathing rate which is not normal is an example of stress or anxiety. If the other person is not telling you the truth, they will be extremely cautious to hide them which makes them stressed and lessens the breathing rate.
They will put extra pressure on thinking so that they can fabricate their lies which brings more blood on their faces and slows down their breathing pattern. So if you notice such abnormalities, your partner is definitely lying.
If your significant other is giving a lot of details about something which are not needed, then it’s a sign that they are hiding something from you.
Hence, they are talking about things which are absolutely irrelevant. With these extra unnecessary detailing, they might make you feel that they are actually being loyal to you which they are not.
Reading facial reactions is one of the best ways to understand whether a person is lying or not. When a person is saying something with honesty, their confidence will get reflected in their facial expressions.
But anything which might be a lie will make the person feel very insecure of what they are saying. It’s a natural tendency of liars to have their lips sealed tightly so that no information which they don’t want to reveal gets out of their mouth under unfortunate circumstances.
The continuous movement of eyebrows also signify a person’s dishonesty.
You might have felt something which pushes you into believing that something is not right even though you don’t have a definite proof for it.
It’s good to listen to our subconscious and have faith on our instincts because they are right most of the times.
If you notice some strange and negative reactions, take steps before you get hurt.
Disclosing the unedited truth about why couples cheat on their partners irrespective of the promises made to each other.
Megan contacted me for counseling because she had just found out that her husband, Jim, was having an affair. Although she was feeling hurt and angry, she didn’t feel justified in getting too hurt and angry because she had also been having an affair.
Megan told me that she and Jim still loved each other and they didn’t want to break up their family, but her discovery of his affair took her out of denial.
She had been able to rationalize her affair to herself, but she couldn’t rationalize Jim’s. She had to acknowledge that something was really wrong. She was worried that this meant the end of their relationship.
I assured Megan that the affairs were not the problem but a symptom of the problem. It did not need to mean the end of the relationship. She and Jim could decide to learn about the deeper problems in their relationship and eventually create a much more satisfying relationship.
As a counselor, I hear this story over and over. Why is there so much infidelity?
Megan and Jim entered their marriage, as most people do, with the expectation that the other person would make them happy.
They entered feeling some emptiness, unworthiness and insecurity, hoping their partner would fill them, validate them and complete them. Yet as time went on, neither felt happy, secure, filled or complete. They began to look elsewhere.
Perhaps someone else – someone more attentive and more emotionally available, or sexier, or more playful would fill the emptiness, validate their worth, and make them happy.
The problem lies in how most people in our society view what makes them happy. Any TV commercial will illuminate the underlying problem:
But Megan had the house, the car, the husband, the children, the money, the job, the antidepressants – and she still wasn’t happy. So, she went looking for another person to make her happy.
The problem is that as long as Megan and Jim believe that something external will make them happy, they will be unhappy, and they will keep looking for another person, better sex, a bigger house, and so on to make them happy.
Did you notice a remarkable change in your man’s behavior? Can this be a sign that say your man is cheating on you? let’s find out.
Sometimes things don’t work out the way you expect them to.
Falling in love can happen instantly, committing to a relationship may not take much time either, but being honest and faithful to each other is one hell of a tough job.
Sometimes you might not receive the same amount of love and reciprocation from your partner. Does it mean he is cheating on you?
The moment your partner turns capricious, understand that something is wrong.
Being frequently angry or being overtly affectionate is a simple excuse to walk away from you since he cannot disclose the truth to you.
He may become too bitter to you or refuse to spend time with you. Perhaps it’s because he is going to spend some time with someone else.
Spending time with your beloved for several months enables you to know each other closely and you can immediately recognize every pattern of their behavior.
You can tell when he is sad, angry, frustrated, or tensed about something particular. But if you notice recent trends of behavioral changes in him, be careful.
Like if your partner spends more time on his phone with the excuse of reading the mail or the newspaper, if he attempts to hide things from you, acts weirdly, this must be a sign.
Your partner will even dislike sleeping in the same bed together.
Because all he asks for is privacy and space. He won’t take you out along with him, will leave home frequently, come back home late and make up excuses every time. He will refrain from sharing matters with you.
Your partner can suddenly open a new Gmail account or be in an app which he hated doing previously. Perhaps, because he wants to keep a regular check on someone.
If he becomes too mobile friendly, it is a trigger that something must be happening with him out of the blue. He may delete his entire message counter, snap at you for touching his phone without asking or refuse to share his password.
Sometimes your guy may end up having a new haircut without any special occasion.
He may start wearing a particular color more often and even though it’s neither your favorite nor his, he may give the excuse of trying new things on him for a change.
He may lose a lot of weight, build a body, although previously he was least concerned about either maintaining his body or beautifying his appearance.
A Sunday morning, nothing new
But this time it was not true.
For the first time did I ever
Dread a day with silent tremors.
The stage had been set from the last night,
To burn my dreams into ashes in front of my own eyes.
“Are you his girlfriend?” She asked.
“I am asking for a friend.”
I will never forget that nauseating feeling
That I felt at the pit of my stomach,
Like it was the end of something.
Fingers crossed, I played along for sometime.
“Why do you want to know? Who are you?” I tried.
“It’s important. Please tell me.”, She pried.
My heart sank a little bit more at her urgency.
Terrified I replied, “Yes, we are together. Now you tell me.”
She didn’t give me a specific answer,
But it was enough to make my heart crumble.
She was going to explain to me the next day,
But I knew that things had just changed.
Tossed and turned, I was awake the whole night.
Nightmares flooding my open eyes,
Our love flashed in bits playing with my mind,
I tried to have faith in you, in us.
But for the first time, it wasn’t enough.
The sun rose, and I cursed it for doing its job.
I was not ready to begin this day,
To take on what was in store for me, for us.
I pushed myself around doing routine work.
With one eye on the phone
Agitated in anticipation.
A few hours later into the morning,
She called to tell me about her friend.
Her friend and I were just the same,
Loving the same guy,
Both thinking we were the one.
The only difference being
She was the first,
And I was “the other girl”.
So, naturally her feelings took precedence over mine,
But can love really be measured with time?
Numb, I was trying to process it all,
When SHE called.
I still don’t know what I felt when
I heard her voice choking in tears.
Was it anger, hate, sympathy or pity?
Maybe everything or maybe nothing.
All I remember is not crying at all,
As she narrated her side.
If only I knew I wouldn’t be able to cry
For many months at end, I would have tried.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t show her that I was weak.
Or was is it because I wanted to protect her
Just like I wanted to protect me.
In daze, I half listened to her words,
My mind already lost in its own thoughts.
I was trying to make sense of it all just like her
Scrutinizing our love lives, little detectives at work,
When that happened which jolted me upright.
When she indirectly called me the slut,
Maybe thinking it was going to be alright.
“Poor you!” I thought, when she said,
“He loves me and all he wanted was to be
Physical with you since I was not by his side.”
I wanted to laugh at the silly girl,
Not sure if I felt hurt or anger or pity for her,
For she could not see what I did
That He was the main culprit.
I wanted to scream and insult her,
But I stopped myself as I remembered
That she had invested three years of her life,
What were my humble three months to that?
It felt somehow, my love fell short of hers,
And so did my agony.
She won by a huge margin at everything,
But I won’t let anyone defile my dignity.
So, keeping my pain aside, I replied,
“Don’t you see, It was always his choice.
If he wanted any one of us, he would’ve really tried
And not disrespect and lie to us all this while
He had to know what he was doing wasn’t right.
So, tell me where is the love from his side?”
Silent for two minutes, she quietly agreed
That the fault was his and not ours indeed.
For every tear she cried, I was blank.
For every complain she’d recite, I was numb.
For every question she threw at me,
Doubting the authenticity of my love
I patiently answered.
But in turn, I never questioned,
I never complained, I never cried.
For at the end there was no point.
How could I be mad at her
When He who mattered never cared.
I could not justify my feelings to her,
When I myself struggled to understand
If my relationship really happened
The way I had remembered,
I desperately tried to join the dots
To separate his fine lies from my truth.
All I wanted was for that day to end,
The night to hide me in its vast expanse.
You Don’t Have To Have sex To Be A Cheater
Find out the zodiac signs that are most likely to cheat.
We all want the best relationships, don’t we? All good relationships are based on trust and support. Both of these are the foundations of any long term successful relationship.
But in this modern world, we keep sacrificing trust and support.
Cheating in relationships has become so common.
Cheating is not only ethically wrong but it also has long term effects on the person who has been cheated on. For the cheater, cheating is just a habit but for the one who has been cheated on, cheating is a scar that cannot fade away.
It means a lifetime of mistrust on other people. Some people who have been cheated on cannot even form any healthy relationships ever. But the modern world makes us think only about ourselves and about no one else. We continue to do what is beneficial for us.
It is a time where there are so few successful relationships. All that we hear is about divorce and breakups and family breaking down and whatnot. More so, even the best of people go through this turmoil.
What if we tell you that there are ways to recognize a cheater?
What if we tell you that you can know a cheater just in a jiffy?
Yes. You can.
And the method is Astrology.
Yes, astrology, the method that we try to debunk using logic and rationale. It has a solution to the problem of cheating. Astrology has figured out the three zodiac signs that are most susceptible to cheating.
Isn’t that amazing?
So, these are the three zodiac signs to stay away from while getting into a relationship.
The biggest problem with the Gemini sign is they bore easily. They cannot deal with the noninteresting parts of the relationship. They always look for exciting things. Moreover, they are very indecisive. They cannot make a fixed permanent decision easily. Both of these problems make them natural cheaters. Also, they have the propensity to cheat you both emotionally and physically.
You might catch them but they will deny everything. They find it really hard to apologize and will never ever even do the same. Instead, they play the game. They will blame you for some sort of ‘lack’ in the relationship.
Seriously, beware of a Gemini. They might hurt your feelings and not apologize and even blame you for it. Classic mind games that only these Gemini people know!
This sign has a lot of problems. You will actually end up laughing at the miserable reasons why they cheat. Firstly, they are super sexually charged. They want it all the time. So they will obviously have a tendency to cheat on you physically. Haha! They need it that bad. Imagine!
Secondly, they suck at dealing with emotionally vulnerable situations. When they are in an emotionally uncomfortable place, they directly go into the flight mode. You will really find a Scorpio running for their life if you express a ‘feeling’ around them.
Thirdly, they hate the word commitment. The moment they feel that you are getting too close to them, they will react in the weirdest way ever. Even if they are the ones who have developed deep feelings for you, they will freak out.
They will totally lose it and would want to break the relationship as soon as possible.
Lastly, you may not come across a sign which is as revengeful as a Scorpio. If they are hurt, they do not take it well at all. Sometimes, they even retaliate in a physical way. They might hurt you far more than what you did to them.
So, Scorpio isn’t necessarily a sign that cheats but it is actually a sign with some weird traits and most of these weird traits are not concomitant with good relationships. Thus, Scorpio comes with ‘Conditions Apply’.
Sagittarius cannot (just cannot) stop themselves from cheating. This is because of the simple reason that Sagittarius cannot stop flirting with people around them. They flirt with anyone and everyone. At a party, you will find them talking to everyone and even giving people random life advice.
They just like spending time with a lot of people because they like to be the center of attraction. They end up being that but it surely comes at a cost. The cost is that a lot of people end up liking them and the line of suitors only adds to the self-image and the inflated ego that a Sagittarius has.
Because a lot of people want them, obviously there are chances of them cheating more.
Moreover, like the Scorpio sign, Sagittarius also derives a lot of pleasure from sex. It is really hard to satisfy them. They try to validate themselves through their sexual encounters. This also adds to their narcissism. So, they are susceptible to cheat you even physically.
Also, it is very hard for a Sagittarius to give up their social life for you. This causes an imbalance in the relationship. Their social life makes it very hard for them to take out the time to be with you and this obviously takes a toll on the relationship after some time.
NOW, that you know about the zodiac signs that are most likely to cheat and you also know the reasons why they cheat, you should know one last important thing.
This is really important.
Exceptions may exist.
Not all Gemini, Scorpio and Sagittarius people cheat. But just be more aware of their whereabouts.
Try to follow them. This will not only help you in saving your relationship but this will also help them in changing and becoming better people. If they learn not to cheat, you might end up saving a lot of people from pain and sadness. And if you are any of the above signs, please, oh please stop your massacre!
The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.
Exactly this is what a person goes through when he/she discovers the lies, they never in the first place knew existed. Lies are a very powerful weapon to use to your advantage but at the expense of other’s trust.
The person who is cheated on experiences strong emotional and psychological distress following the discloser of the infidelity.
Suppose you are in a relationship with someone; you are completely, whole heartedly dedicated to this one person and suddenly you realise things between you two are not as blissful as it initially was. Something seems off but you cannot really define what exactly is missing. You struggle to communicate your hunch that your relationship is going downhill. Despite your efforts, your partner keeps convincing you that the entire thing is in your mind and everything is soon going to be fine.
Within days you find out that your partner is cheating on you. The discovery is like a sudden gust of wind that approaches your life and wrecks emotional havoc. Most often than not, the news of your partner cheating on you will be anticipated.
When a person finds out he/she is being cheated on, he/she is initially taken aback, is in shock and denial, trying to comprehend the knowledge. Once the knowledge settles in on him/her, the person is shattered to the point of being physically affected by it. Feelings of lack of self-worth, betrayal and self hatred follows. You will start asking yourself “Where did I go wrong?”, you will repeatedly ruminate over moments where you could have overlooked the signs of cheating, you will overthink about ways you have saved the relationship. But alas! all of your efforts will seem useless.
Cheating on her will break her in every possible way.
It will break her spirit.
It will distort her sense of self.
It will break her trust, not only on you but on the entire male community.
She will never be able to trust the power of love.
She will forget to smile.
She will forget to eat – she will starve as it is not her body that is hungry ; its her soul yearning for your affection.
She will not smile— not because it is impossible to smile but because she believes there is no reason to smile anymore.
“You are beautiful,” as “but not beautiful enough.”
“You are amazing,” as “but not amazing enough.”
“You meant the world to me,” as “but someone is better.”
“You were the love of my life,” as “but I found another worth more.”
She will blame herself for not being worthy enough. She will question her potentials, her depth of affection for you. She will question her fate. She will wonder why the other woman deserved you more than she did.
At times she will burn with rage and the other time she will be so distressed that she will contemplate the end of her existence.
She will curse at her reflection as she’s brushing her teeth, and think if only she were prettier, funnier, smarter—if only she were more, it would have made a difference.
She will scream into the wind by the river, wondering what she did to deserve feeling this way, hoping her words will carry far enough to be heard by someone—anyone—who can tell her.
She will be numbed in new ways that her hopeful heart had not known to be possible.
Even good men cheat – revealed by an escort
HINT: It’s not because he doesn’t love you.
Before launching my relationship coaching business, I spent five years working in Washington DC as an escort. This was a lucrative profession and I was fortunate to have met many wonderful clients and to have accompanied them around the world.
Still, I found this work to be emotionality taxing and a poor choice of profession if I wanted to live a normal life. Despite these challenges, I’d never take back my days as an escort.
I gained a unique insider perspective in regards to men and how they think, communicate, and rationalize many of their actions.
I finally understood why a man that loves his wife is still motivated to cheat. This work taught me an enormous amount about myself, my previous marriage — and why my own husband left me even though he still loved me.
Finally, I understood where I went wrong in my own relationship. In hindsight I saw the warning signs telling me that my marriage was over well before I knew it was.
I now incorporate all that I learned while in the company of married men into my relationship coaching. I help women understand the men in their lives, and be proactive so they can protect the relationships and lives they have built together.
I am not writing about this topic to be controversial, accusatory or boastful. I’m writing to let women like you know that in most cases his cheating has less to do with you and your ability and desire to maintain the relationship, and more to do with him and his own deficiencies and inability to communicate.
On a side note, I have heard other men and surprisingly some women argue that his cheating is due to her ‘letting herself go physically’.
If she would just get back into shape, he would be more attracted to her again. This is a RIDICULOUS argument. It places all the blame and responsibility on her and releases him any responsibility.
As if her only obligation in life is to be eye candy and work out seven days a week — give me a break. Most likely, he has put on a few pounds too and has no room to talk about her physical appearance.
While her physical appearance or his lack of sexual attraction may be a factor, it is rarely the ONLY reason men cheat.
Ok, so now you are asking why do men REALLY cheat? If it has less to do with her and more to do with him, then what is the problem?
Below, I have listed four reasons or patterns of behavior that explain why men may still cheat as opposed to simply addressing the issues within their own relationship:
He’s an Ace in many areas, but when it comes to understanding his own feelings and then effectively communicating his feelings with you, he gets an F.
If he wants more couple time, sex or spice in the relationship, chances are he’ll try to talk to you about it a few times, but he will quickly loose patience, become resentful, and justify having to go outside the relationship.
I have met many men that have shared with me that they love their wife/girlfriend and the life they have together. They have a great relationship, she is gorgeous and they have a great sex life — yet he STILL sees other women.
In this case, his cheating has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the 6 inches between his head. He feels insecure in one away or another and needs to prove to himself that ‘he’s still got it’ by seeing other women.
Conflict avoidance is another example of his inability or unwillingness to communicate.
Rather than discussing his feeling or needs with you, he’ll choose not to ‘rock the boat’ and instead dodge uncomfortable discussions, questions or hurt feelings and simply seek out another women to compensate for what he feels is missing in your relationship.
From his perspective, it makes little sense to upset you or your relationship by bringing up heated topics. After all, he has to live with you and deal with any negative ramifications for days or weeks.