How to Rebuild Your Marriage After Infidelity


, ,
Rebuild Marriage After Infidelity

If your spouse has cheated on you, you must be wondering how to forgive them and repair your relationship. Here’s how to save your marriage after infidelity.

Knowing how to save a marriage after infidelity and lies is the key to actually being able to do it!
When we set out to save a marriage, for any reason, we often make the mistake of not defining what our goal is, specifically, and identifying the things that need to be done to get there.

If you truly want to save your marriage after infidelity, focus your goal on that and make sure that the items below are a part of your tool kit.

How to Save Your Marriage After Infidelity and Extramarital Affair

1. Be honest.

It is essential that, if you want to save your marriage after infidelity and lies, you be honest with each other. No marriage can be saved without honesty and honesty is the key to every happy relationship.

What do you need to be honest about? Several things.

How to Save Your Marriage After Infidelity
How To Save Your Marriage After Cheating

The first is for the cheater to be honest about what happened. To own up to the infidelity and take ownership of what they have done by having the affair. Too many people, mostly because they are consumed with guilt, deny that the affair was a big deal, saying that it was just something that happened and that they want to forget about.

As a result, the other person feels cheated. They feel lied to. They feel disrespected. And that doesn’t set the stage for saving a marriage.

Another thing that is essential to be honest about is whether or not you want the marriage to be saved. Unless both people in the relationship want to work through this, there is no reason to even try.

Why? If one person wants to move forward, someone who doesn’t want to will only hold the other person back. If one person doesn’t want to move forward, they should be honest with their spouse and let them go so that they have an opportunity to heal.

So, if you want to save your marriage after infidelity and lies, it is essential to start by being honest with each other. If you don’t, your marriage is definitely doomed.

2. Be patient.

I know that the pain that you are feeling right now is huge. Whether you cheated or are the person cheated on, the revelation that there was cheating is devastating.

And, when we are in pain, we want more than anything for it to be gone, to return to normal again. Because normal might have been painful but less so.

It will take a couple a while to heal their marriage after infidelity. The person who cheated is most likely overwhelmed with guilt, even if they don’t think they are. And the person who was cheated on is probably struggling with anger, hurt, self-doubt and worse. Those emotions aren’t easy to get past.

So be patient. Know that the pain is going to stick around for a while. Figure out ways to manage it and don’t take it out on your partner.

If you take your pain out on your partner by treating them with contempt, you will only set yourself up for more pain and maybe the end of your marriage. There are ways to manage your pain without making things worse.

I would encourage you to keep yourself busy. There is nothing worse than sitting in your head all day, obsessing about what happened. Even worse is stalking them on social media, trying to learn more about the lover and trying to figure out if your partner is still cheating.

I would also encourage you to take care of yourself. Exercise, eat well, spend time with people who love and support you and get enough sleep (I know – easier said than done right now). If you can take care of yourself right now, instead of sitting on the couch eating ice cream and obsessing, you will find that your pain will be lessened, if only for a little bit!

So, manage your pain as you work through saving your marriage.  You will be glad you did!

Related: 15 Surprising Things You Didn’t Know About Cheating in Relationships

3. Be committed.

If you are trying to save your marriage after infidelity, I would encourage you to decide whether you are committed to doing the work to save it.

I always tell my clients, when they are trying to stay away from someone who has broken their heart, to not be wishy washy – to not say that they are going to ‘try’ to stay away from them. That they are going to ‘try’ to not respond to their texts. That they are going to ‘try’ to not stalk them on social media.

If you truly want to save your marriage it is essential that you both are truly committed to making it happen. Commitment, the belief that you CAN do something, is the key to having success in anything, whether at work or in your personal life.

So, take a good look at how you are feeling. I am guessing that you aren’t sure if your marriage can be saved but being full committed to doing the work to try save it will only set you up for success.

I remember when my ex wanted to go to therapy after he asked for a divorce it was only so that ‘our marriage would end well.’ From my perspective, why even bother? He had made up his mind and therapy would have been a waste of time. I wished it could have been different but it was what it was. So, I went off and did my own therapy and am now living happily ever after.

So, if you aren’t fully committed to making the effort to save your marriage, don’t even try.

4. Be willing to get help.

So many people believe that they can survive anything without getting any help. For some reason, getting professional help to get you through difficult times has been stigmatized. We believe that we are tough, that we can get through anything on our own.

But this just isn’t the case. Why? Because you have never done this before. Never tried to save your marriage after infidelity.

Imagine that someone took you skiing and you had never been skiing once in your life. You decide not to take lessons because ‘how hard can it be?’ And then you find yourself at the top of the mountain with strange boards on your feet having no idea what to do next.

Getting through infidelity is the same. You have never been through this before and trying the DIY version of working through it will only end in more pain.

So, if you are both honestly committed to working through trying to save your marriage, I would encourage you to reach out to a professional marriage counselor or life coach who could help you take the steps to do so!

5. Be respectful.

I am guessing that you read this title and you thought to yourself – no way! Your person has cheated on you – you don’t owe them any respect.

I know that they have hurt you, deeply, but if you can’t treat them with respect, the respect that they deserve as a person, even if they have made a huge mistake, then you are just sabotaging any chances of saving your marriage.

Furthermore, I would encourage you to not talk to everyone about what has happened. Of course, we all have people who we need to process things with but getting out into the community and telling everyone what happened would only make things worse.

I have a client who was having an affair with a married woman and, when she decided to leave the relationship, he felt completely abandoned. And hurt. And he wanted to hurt her as much as he was hurt himself.

So, he decided that he was going to approach her and her husband, in front of all of their friends, and tell the husband what had happened between them. He knew that if he did this, his ex’s reputation in the community would be destroyed and that, if they ever got back together, not only would he be ridiculed but it would be hard for them to be respected as a couple.

So, if you want to save your marriage after your partner cheated, I would encourage you to not do or say anything that you can’t take back. I would encourage you treat your partner like you would want to be treated. If you don’t, you are only setting yourself up to end your marriage.

Related: 8 Signs Your Partner Is Having An Emotional Affair

Knowing some of the things to do if you want to save your marriage after infidelity is the best way to actually reach your goal.

It’s not going to be easy to come back after infidelity but, if you are honest, committed, willing to get help and be respectful, you are setting yourself up, in a big way, for success.

I know that you can do this! And, no matter how it all ends up, you can know that  you did your best and that you maintained your self-esteem in the process!

If you found the tips on how to heal a marriage after infidelity helpful, share your thoughts with us.

Written by: Mitzi Bockmann
Originally appeared on: Mitzi Bockmann
Republished with permission
Rebuild Marriage After Infidelity pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The 3 Most Common Types Of Cheaters: Uncovering The Love Fraudsters

Most Common Types Of Cheaters: The Silent Echoes Of Deceit

In every love story, the sweet haze of romance often hides some unsettling figures lurking in the shadows—figures of deceit that can turn sweet stories bitter. When it comes to infidelity and cheating, you might be a bit surprised to know that there are different types of cheaters, mainly 3 types of cheaters.

Revealing these types of cheaters might bring out uncomfortable truths, but they’re important for understanding the complex world of human emotions. Through their different ways of dishonesty, they show the complicated and tangled nature of cheating. Each one represents a warning about the rough patches that love can sometimes

Up Next

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful? 18 Reasons Why They Cheat (And Why They Don’t)

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful? Reasons They Can Be

Can a narcissist be faithful? This question delves into the intricate world of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and the complex dynamics of relationships involving narcissists. 

Understanding the psychology behind this topic is crucial for those who have encountered or are currently involved with narcissistic individuals. Let us explore the nature of narcissism, the reasons why a narcissist can be unfaithful, as well as the factors that might lead them to exhibit faithfulness. 

Can a Narcissist be Faithful in a Relationship?

Can a narcissist be faithful? This is a nuanced question and doesn’t really have a straightforward answer.

Up Next

The 3 Least Loyal Zodiac Signs Who Seem Allergic To Commitment

Three Least Loyal Zodiac Signs: A Guide To Avoid Red Flag

The precious bond that fortifies connections and defines true devotion is loyalty. But these three least loyal zodiac signs are masters of unpredictability, challenging the very essence of commitment.

While the zodiac can offer insights into our strengths and weaknesses, it’s also known for pointing out our less desirable traits. 

Brace yourself, for we’re about to unveil the truth about the least loyal zodiac signs. From the silver screen to real life, these signs have left a trail of disloyalty that’s hard to ignore. 

So, if you’re ready to dive into the drama, let’s explore the traits of these most disloyal zodiac signs!


Up Next

The 7 Thrilling Narcissist Cheating Patterns You Need To Know

Narcissist Cheating Patterns: Seven Signs Of Infidelity

Have you ever found yourself entangled in a relationship that seemed almost too good to be true? Discovering the Narcissist cheating patterns might help you figure out if your suspicions are on point.

In the intricate dance of relationships, we encounter a wide array of personalities. One personality type that often leaves a trail of heartbreak and confusion in its wake is the Narcissist. 

The term “Narcissist” may evoke images of self-absorbed individuals gazing at their own reflection, but there’s more to them than meets the eye. 

Up Next

The Spiritual Meaning of Dreams About Cheating: Exploring Deeper Realms of the Heart

Spiritual Meaning Of Dreams About Cheating: Two Strong Messages

Dreams are portals to our subconscious and the spiritual world. But when your dreams about infidelity make you feel guilty or anxious, delve into the spiritual meaning of dreams about cheating.

Dreams have long been regarded as windows into the subconscious mind, offering insights into our thoughts, emotions, and even our spiritual journey.

Among the myriad of dream scenarios, dreams about cheating — whether it’s your partner cheating on you or you cheating on your partner — hold a special place due to their intense emotional impact.

These dreams often leave us with lingering feelings of confusion, anx

Up Next

Exiting The Infidelity Maze: 5 Ways To Get Out Of An Extramarital Affair

Get Out Of An Extramarital Affair: 5 Ways To Break Free

Sometimes ending an affair, especially when it’s an extramarital affair can be a slippery slope for many. However, it’s important to get out of an extramarital affair if you want to save your family and marriage (if that is your prerogative). This post is going to explore how to get out of an affair and how to end an affair. 

Even though 84 percent of Americans believe that infidelity is morally wrong, the infidelity rate in the United States has been slowly on the rise (Pew Research Center, 2014).

Zuckerman (2020) reported that approximately 20 pe

Up Next

What Every Couple Needs To Understand About Emotional Infidelity

Emotional Infidelity: The Complexities Of Emotional Cheating

We’ve all heard about cheating in relationships, but what about emotional infidelity? Yeah, that sneaky kind where someone forms a deep connection with someone other than their partner. Are emotional affairs dangerous? Let’s dive into this topic and uncover the secrets behind emotional infidelity.

Key Points:

Emotional infidelity is a lesser-talked-about, yet common type of infidelity that can lead to a sense of betrayal and loss of trust.

Emotional infidelity may include conversations that are inappropriately intimate, familiar, or frequent with someone other than one’s spouse.