Psychological Flirting Techniques: 19 Scientifically-Proven Strategies To Flirt Like A Boss

psychologically proven flirting techniques

Wondering how to impress your crush? Looking for some scientifically proven flirting techniques to attract the man or woman of your dreams? Flirting is an art that can be mastered easily if you know how human psychology works. 

best flirting techniques

While pickup artists may gloat about their secret strategies, in the real world none of those fancy manipulative tactics work, especially when you are focused on building a lasting relationship. What actually works though is understanding psychology and using scientifically proven flirting techniques to attract someone. 

5 Psychologically proven flirting strategies that always work

Are you looking for some helpful flirting strategies based on the science of human psychology? Then ditch those cheesy pickup lines and braggy displays of overconfidence. Instead use these scientifically proven ways of flirt to attract your crush –

1. Make some eye contact

Eye contact is one of the most common universal flirting techniques for both men and women. It openly and directly expresses your interest and attraction towards someone and expresses your desire to know them better. 

While general eye contact typically lasts for around 3 seconds, when it comes to flirting, your gaze may linger for about four & a half seconds. In fact, a flirtatious gaze can last even longer as long as you don’t appear as a creep or till your crush looks away.

According to psychology, when someone makes flirtatious eye contact with someone they are attracted to, they look for confirmation whether the other person is attracted to them as well. This evidence is often found through pupil dilation, which is a physiological response to flirting. This is why making eye contact is such an effective and intimate way of expressing your interest towards someone.

Related: How to Read Eyes And Know What Someone Is Thinking

According to a study, participants who shared an unbroken mutual gaze for two minutes with a stranger from the opposite sex experienced “increased feelings of passionate love for each other.” The study adds “Subjects who were gazing at their partner’s eyes, and whose partner was gazing back reported significantly higher feelings of affection than subjects in any other condition.

scientifically proven flirting techniques

2. Smile sincerely

Apart from making eye contact, smiling is one of the best flirting techniques you can use to attract a potential partner. Smiling can easily convey your interest in someone and is universally understood by both women and men. In fact, smiling makes us appear more attractive. 

According to a 2015 study, facial attractiveness plays an important role in mate selection and romantic love. Our facial attractiveness is closely related to our facial expressions and the researchers found that “a smile was evaluated as more attractive than a neutral expression.” 

A genuine smile can reveal that you have a good sense of humor, have good health and you are kind and positive. When a woman smiles flirtatiously, it is seen as a sign of submissiveness and cooperation which men typically find attractive. However, when it comes to men, women prefer brooding men as it indicates that you are a “bad boy” and may be “dangerous” for them which can make you look more appealing to women.

psychology of flirting techniques

Related: How Smiling Can Help You Live A Healthier And Happier Life

3. Wear red often

If you want to flirt with the goal of attracting a potential mate, then make sure you wear something red. Studies have found that “red is associated with greater sexual attractiveness of females” and that a woman in a red dress can boost a man’s attraction behavior.Men evaluated higher sexual intent in the red clothing condition,” explain researchers. So there is no doubt that wearing red clothes is one of the most effective flirting techniques you can find.

But what about men wearing red? Do women find men in red clothes more attractive? And the answer is a resounding yes! When a man dresses in red, women find them more attractive than other men who are not wearing red clothes. One 2015 study found that “presenting men in front of a red background or with a red shirt enhances their attractiveness, sexual desirability, and status in the eyes of female observers.

Thanks to evolution, the color red has become a biological signal of attractiveness not just for humans, but many other species. Wearing red makes us seem “more sexually desirable” and can certainly take your flirting game to the next level. “Red is associated with sex and romance in humans,” explain researchers.

 ways to successfully flirt

Related: What Your Favorite Clothing Color Says About You

Want more psychological flirting techniques? Read on.

4. Touch them gently

To take your flirting one step further and make your potential mate attracted to you, break the touch barrier. However, make sure to be gentle when you touch someone so that the other person is not offended. The best and most effective way to break the touch barrier is to go with a non-threatening, but firm handshake or a light touch on the shoulder.

Studies reveal that touch plays a crucial role in mate choice. In fact, one 2007 study found that when a young man asked a young woman for a dance at a nightclub and touched her for 1 or 2 seconds on her forearm, the woman was more likely to comply with the man’s request, when such request was accompanied by a light touch.

Gentle touch can be highly effective when trying to attract a mate as this psychological hack works on a subconscious level. However, it is important that you keep the physical contact non-sexual the first few times, unless your potential mate gives clear consent. 

The objective of touch is to make the other person feel safe, comforted and relaxed around you. They should not feel disgusted or scared by your touch. When done with care and concern, a gentle touch can be one of the most highly effective flirting techniques out there.

scientifically proven ways of flirt

Related: 6 Beautiful Ways To Say “I Love You” Without Actually Saying It

5. Make them laugh 

Laughter makes romance easier. If you want to attract someone make sure to have a good sense of humor as studies have found that humor and interpersonal attraction are closely related. 

Humor adds sparks to flirting and makes your conversations more interesting. When you use humor while flirting, you are more likely to be seen as likable & interesting as jokes and funny conversations can make the other person feel relaxed and less anxious. However, it is best to steer away from unsavory and inappropriate jokes.

One 2016 study states “People strongly desire romantic partners who have a good sense of humor. The study explains that humor is crucial for attraction as it is “a trait-indicator, a sexually-selected behavior that reliably signals genetic fitness by demonstrating unobservable traits like intelligence and creativity.”

Laughter is not just the best medicine, it is also one of the best flirting techniques. According to psychology, due to social dominance, women laugh more often than men as typically female sexual behavior is submissive and male sexual behavior is dominant. Psychologists believe that women use laughter as a tool to exhibit their interest in a man through the act of social submission. This is why a good sense of humor is very important when flirting.

psychological flirting strategies

Related: The Science Of Flirting: How To Decipher Subtle Signs of Flirting

14 More psychological flirting techniques

Here some more helpful ways to successfully flirt with someone based on the psychology of flirting techniques –

6. Be hard to get 

Don’t be easily available. Psychologists claim that attraction is positively related to being mysterious. So while you may exhibit your interest, don’t be easy to get.

7. Mirror their body language, mannerisms and expressions

As 55% of communication is non-verbal, mimicking or imitating your crush’s body language will help to show your interest in them and build a positive rapport.

8. Speak with passion 

Speak with a variety of tones and voice modulation as different pitch and tone of voice, especially in women, is considered attractive.  

9. Always be confident

More than your physical appearance, confidence is considered more attractive by both men and women when it comes to flirting and dating. Low self-esteem and insecurity is just plain unattractive. Confidence is the basic requirement for implementing all flirting techniques.

Related: How Do Introverts Flirt? 50+ Ways An Introvert Guy Flirts With A Girl He Likes

10. Give genuine compliments

Flirting is all about giving your attention to someone and making them feel good about themselves. Giving sincere compliments can go a long way in making someone feel special.

11. Tilt your head forward 

Tilting your head forward when speaking with someone is an effective psychological technique for flirting as it shows you are interested in what they are saying.

12. Offer a hot drink like coffee

Buy them a hot beverage instead of a cold drink as a warm drink can help you create a better impression by showing you to be more caring and generous, according to a study

13. Stand up straight 

Make sure to have good posture when flirting as it shows that you are confident and attractive, according to research. Stand tall, have an open body language, and don’t slouch. Avoid being physically and mentally closed off.

14. Avoid pickup lines and opening lines 

Both men and women believe one-liners are unappealing and unattractive when it comes to flirting.

15. Ask intimate questions in a respectable manner

A smart line of questioning will not only help you learn more about the other person but it will also show you are interested in them and curious to know about them, which can build emotional closeness.

Related: 8 Best Flirting Tips To Bring A Shy Guy Out Of His Shell

16. Find something in common 

Similarity can spark attraction. Psychology reveals that we tend to like individuals who have similar personality, attitude and mindset like we do.

17. Ask them for a small favor to make them like you

Known as the Benjamin Franklin effect, this is a psychological hack for flirting. When someone does a favor for you, they are more likely to help you again because they believe they like you. It is a form of cognitive dissonance. This is one of the most subtle flirting techniques.

18. Share some personal secrets 

Telling them some secrets that no one else knows about you will make them feel closer to you. This will show the other person that you trust them which in turn will make them trust you.

19. Have a positive attitude and an abundance mindset

Don’t be too desperate or needy and always believe that you are a smart, attractive person who has lots of options when it comes to dating. Don’t be obsessed or desperate for one person. Be respectable and walk away if someone is not interested. Self-respect is highly attractive.

psychologically proven flirting strategies

Related: Time To Move On: 10 Signs He Is Not Interested In You

The art of flirting

Flirting is simple. All you need to do is use your words, facial expressions, body language and the flirting techniques mentioned above smartly to express your romantic interest in someone and attract them sexually, albeit in a rather playful manner. 

However, the simplicity of flirting can often seem too complicated for most of us as we feel confused, awkward and not-so-confident at times when it comes to being flirty and attracting our crush. 

The reality is flirting is a tricky business especially when your crush is smart and attractive and playfully counters your flirtatious moves. Unfortunately, this is where most people mess up as they either become too desperate or too unconfident to keep the game of flirting fun and lively.

The key is to take it easy and keep your cool when mastering the art of flirting. And this is exactly where the knowledge of human psychology can help you. Learning about effective psychological flirting strategies can not only build your confidence in the game, it can also help you attract your crush to build a meaningful romantic relationship.

Related: 8 Signs He’s Flirting With You And NOT Just Being Nice


Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs):

How do you flirt with an introvert?

Instead of talking to them directly, first try to make them feel comfortable and appreciate them the way they are. Avoid small talk and avoid being needy. Find out what interests you have in common and communicate over social media. Share about yourself and be patient while spending more time with them.

What is flirty body language?

Some common flirty body language includes making prolonged eye contact, smiling, tilting their head, playing with hair or clothes, touching you gently, appearing confident but caring etc.

Is it okay to flirt with a widow?

Grief is a very personal experience and varies from person to person. Before deciding to flirt with a widow, make sure that they have processed their grief, moved away from the past, let go of their previous relationship and are looking forward to building future relationships.

Does flirting come easily to extroverts?

As extroverts are not as shy or self-conscious like introverts, they tend to be more confident when it comes to flirting. However, they can try really hard and may come on too strong.

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