Are you unable to break up with someone, despite knowing that you should?
Are you in a relationship that you know isn’t working but are you having a hard time ending things? Are you wondering why you can’t break up with someone even though you know you should?
Breaking up with someone, whether we want to do so or not, is never easy. We go into relationships with such hope and ending them can seem like the end of a dream. Or the end of a nightmare.
There are a few reasons why you can’t break up someone even if you know you should. Being aware of them might make breaking up a little bit easier.
1. You are worried about your social group.
I know that it seems weird but for many people, they are concerned about breaking up with someone because of the effect that it will have on their social group.
I actually have two clients who both know that they aren’t right for each other but they are worried about what will happen to their softball team if they break up. Will they both continue to be able to play? Will the drinks out afterward be uncomfortable?
I have a client who is married and considering a divorce. She is worried about who will get friends if they divorce. Will they have to take turns hanging out with people? Will it get awkward? Would it make her feel bad if she wasn’t included in something?
I totally get it that people are worried that if they break up with someone it might impact their social lives but, unfortunately, basing your decision on your social life is not a good idea. Yes, beers out after softball or not taking part in a dinner party might not feel good at the moment, but they are just passing feelings, feelings that will change as time goes on.
Furthermore, I am guessing that, if you are considering breaking up, you guys aren’t too much fun as a couple so your social group might be happy if you two go your separate ways!
2. You are scared of being alone forever.
This might be the number one reason that you can’t break up with someone, even if you know that you should.
I don’t think there is a single client who I have worked with who hasn’t been concerned about being alone forever if they break up with their person. I, personally, remember thinking in high school that if my guy broke up with me I might never love again.
I can tell you, with 100% certainty, that if you break up with someone who isn’t making you happy, and you are willing to put yourself out there again, you will find someone else to love you. You are amazing and your person is out there waiting.
Furthermore, if you can’t break up with someone then you will be forever doomed to not be in a happy relationship because, if you are stuck in this one, you won’t be able to find someone else.
So, if you can’t break up with someone even if you know you should, know that, if you can find the strength to do so, you will find the person of your dreams.
Want to know more about how you can handle yourself after a breakup? Read 7 Important Things You Must Know About Healing after A Divorce Or Breakup
3. You don’t want to hurt them.
This is a huge reason why people struggle to break up with someone they don’t want to be with and the one that frustrates me the most.
I have a friend who attracts girls like bees. It’s really amazing. And, almost without exception, he rarely is interested in a second date. And, almost without exception, those girls want a second date.
And you know what he does? He doesn’t tell them he isn’t interested. He continues to interact with them but not as enthusiastically as he did before the date. They get clingy and insecure and he just pulls away further. Ultimately, he leaves them more devastated than he might have if he was just honest with them from the start.