They have what is known as “preferred targets” and “Narcissistic Supply Sources”. Look both terms up — you made the list and know it (calling yourself his “fallback girl”). Men who have those typically keep somewhere between 5 and 30 plates in the air juggling at all times.
Don’t believe us yet? Still, thinking your love affair with a Narcissist, Psychopath or Sociopath is unique?
Still, thinking about all those times when you laughed together and laid in bed daydreaming about life and a future with your partner? Trust the experts. When it comes to love, Cluster B people treat romance more like spinning plates.
Seriously. Each additional Narcissistic Supply Source is like another plate in the air that they keep stringing along. If the plate wobbles or slows its spin, the predator shows up to give a little gaslighting and manipulating to get it back to its own routine.
This Is What You Can Do To Break The Cycle
If you are someone who is in love with a narcissist, then there is some good news. If you and all the other victims stop feeding and supporting people who are like this, Narcissistic Abuse recovery can start to happen. By acknowledging that you are actually and willingly being used as an “Enabler”, you can actually start to make different and better life decisions about how to choose to act or react, learning to observe reflectively before you do.
By acknowledging that, when and if a victim is willingly being used as an “Enabler”, they can own up to taking responsibility for their own choice to remain with an Abuser. For instance, a spouse who actively plays a competitive role between a spouse and a prospective lover or mistress ends up anchoring a third of a psychological phenomenon called Triangulation. This might help you to start making different and better decisions.
Once it becomes clear you are being played, it’s easier to depersonalize abuse from a cheating spouse. Learning how to set healthy boundaries, with regard to whether or not, to even consider actively engaging in conversation with people who would:
- have a wandering eye
evaluating life each day from a situational ethics standpoint becomes key. This awareness enables you to make rational and pragmatic decisions, which will be better for you in the long run.
Under the influence of an effective gaslighting pro, one might be tricked into believing abuse is “not that bad” or that a victim is “over-reacting.” Knowing about Cluster B patterns and the personality type of egocentric, pathological liars allows a victim to start making decisions that are beneficial for their own mental health and happiness.
Truly, education is the first step in making the change in mindset from being a Narcissistic Abuse victim struggling in survival mode, to an actual SURVIVOR. A few key phrases to look up and reflect upon (related to the issue of Narcissistic Abuse) are as follows:
- Cognitive Dissonance and Reverse Projection are the psychiatric dysfunctions nearly all domestic abuse share, side effects of gaslighting and Brain Washing.
- More reading on Stockholm Syndrome is absolutely necessary.
- Flying Monkeys are Enablers — and if you have been recruited to support a narcissistic person socially, financially, or emotionally, the chances of you being morally liable for enabling as well as abusing other people by proxy are a heartbreaking truth.
- Honeymoon Phase includes plenty of Hoovering — the late-stage form of Love Bombing, something is done to emotionally sway or impress a target into believing the Abuser is somehow good.
Being a willing Enabler to a narcissist is the most embarrassing thing to look back on and realize, once you intellectually and emotionally connect the dots to what you are doing.
It’s a totally demoralizing position to be in, in many ways despite them somehow making you feel unique and special. What they actually do is, use men and women in your position — to enable them and help them avoid taking responsibility for their actions socially, when and if they have burned all their OTHER people.