Therapy for NPD and Narcissists

therapy for npd and narcissists

Many people ask whether narcissists or those with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) can change or benefit from therapy. Narcissists see the cause of their problems as external due to their defenses of denial, distortion, and projection, their ability to look at themselves introspectively is limited. Thus, they don’t often come to individual therapy.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Narcissists only comprise 2-16 percent of therapy clients (McClean, 2007). When they seek treatment, it’s usually to manage an external problem, such as a divorce or work-related issue, or following a major blow to their fragile self. Sometimes, they come because their spouse insisted on conjoint counseling, and occasionally, they seek treatment for loneliness and depression. Medication is sometimes used to treat their depression but isn’t effective to treat narcissistic personality disorder (NPD.) But treatment can help.

Read 6 Lies Narcissistic Parents Make Their Children Believe

Individual Therapy

Many therapists believe depth work should be avoided not only because the narcissists don’t believe their difficulties are a problem or due to themselves, but also because they need to strengthen their defenses against primitive feelings (Russell, 1985).

One client who entered therapy during a tumultuous divorce soon quit. Self-examination tarnished his self-image, and he claimed lowered his self-esteem. He complained that he needed a drink to get through each session and also resented the analyst’s fees. He felt they were exploitative, “typical of women,” including his soon-to-be ex-wife. (In fact, they were very high, but not atypical for NYC.)

The foregoing example also demonstrates how much care must be exercised by the therapist, who should be trained and experienced in working with narcissists. Though they appear strong, they have fragile egos that are easily wounded. When that happens, like this client, they will leave and are unlikely to try therapy again.

Weekly Sessions

Although narcissism is difficult to treat, progress can be made over time. Even weekly sessions over a shorter term can yield benefits. Patients’ functioning and adaptation to reality can improve through gaining some control over their defenses and by working through past trauma (Masterson, 2004). They can learn to manage their anger, rage, and impulsivity.

Although narcissists may feign empathy in order to get close or win others’ approval, subclinical narcissists (without full-blown NPD) have been taught empathy by using their imagination to put themselves in another’s shoes (Hepper, Hart, & Sedikides, 2014). Narcissists who are philanthropists or volunteers in the community for the public approbation to boost their self-esteem can learn to empathize and be less self-centered by helping others without personal gain.

Read Narcissists Love To Spoil Special Occasions

Psychoanalytic Therapy

Psychoanalysis and psychoanalytic psychotherapy are generally used for treating the disorder itself. Treatment of two or more times per week centers on activating the patient’s grandiose self. By empathic mirroring, a “transmuting internalization” occurs, whereby the client internalizes the therapist positive, caring attitude, which creates healthier internal psychic structures.

Narcissists defend against shame and fragmentation by feeling special through idealizing (idealizing transference) or identifying with (mirror transference) others.

When the patient develops an idealizing transference, attributing perfection to the analyst, it’s in order to use him or her for stability, calmness, and comfort (Russell, 1985). Understanding the dynamics of projective-identification of these states is key in working with transference and countertransference (Lancer, 2013).

In comparing Kohut and Carl Rogers, psychoanalyst Robert Stolorow described the therapist’s empathic stance in client-centered therapy: “The client thus comes to experience himself as ‘prized’ by the therapist, much as does the narcissistically disturbed patient immersed in a mirror transference” (Stolorow, 1976, p. 29).

Quoting Rogers, Stolorow adds:

“The therapist endeavours to keep himself out as a separate person . . . his whole endeavour is to understand the other so completely that he becomes almost an alter ego of the client . . . The whole relationship is composed of the self of the client, the counselor being depersonalized for the purposes of therapy into being ‘the client’s other self.’ (Rogers, 1951, pp. 42, 208) ”

Kohut believed that the analyst should neither interpret transferences, nor defenses, including rage at the analyst who fails to live up to the patient’s expectations or satisfy his or her needs.

Instead, the clinician should allow and echo the patient’s “emerging grandiose fantasies of self-glorification, especially the wish to feel special to and admired by the analyst” (parent), which were missed in childhood. (Russell, 1985, p. 146)

Kohut argued that interpreting the transference and confronting clients’ defenses risk being experienced as deeply wounding. This may cause more defensiveness and suppress the transference necessary for positive change. Kernberg also recommends a supportive, empathic approach, but in contrast, he maintains that both positive and negative aspects of the transference should be interpreted; rage in treatment must be confronted in order to preserve the therapy and contain patients’ fears of destroying it and any hope of receiving love (Russell, 1985).

Masterson employs a “mirroring interpretation of narcissistic vulnerability” only when the patient is acting out in the transference.

Read Yes, Narcissists Can Change – Here’s How

It’s a three-step process to interrupt narcissistic defenses in order to bring to the surface the patient’s underlying painful affect (Masterson, 2004):

  1. Identify and acknowledge the patient’s painful effect with empathy and understanding.
  2. Emphasize the impact on the patient’s self to indicate an understanding of his or her experience.
  3. Identify and explain the defense or resistance, which can be tied to step 1, by observing how it protects, calms, and soothes the patient from experiencing the painful effect. Care must be taken to avoid a narcissistic injury.

Ideally, interpretations focus on the patient’s need to restore strength after feeling injured. With a grandiose narcissist, the therapist focuses on the failure to mirror the patient’s grandiose self. With a Closet Narcissist, the therapist focuses on failures in the idealized object (Masterson, 2004).

Over time, continued mirroring and working through manageable disturbances in the therapy build trust in the therapist, so that the patient is now better able to participate in self-reflection and tolerate and ingest interpretations (McClean, 2007).

Other therapies for treating narcissism include transference-focused therapy and Jeffrey Young’s Schema Therapy, which integrates psychodynamic, cognitive, and behavioral approaches. Stephen M. Johnson also advocates an integrative strategy to include affective therapies, such as Gestalt, Reichian, and bio-energetics.

Read How and Why Narcissists Try to Destroy You With Circular Conversations

Conjoint Therapy

The goals of conjoint therapy are that partners attain more realistic and empathic perceptions of one another and that they can tolerate each other’s failure to meet their needs (similar to Kohut’s “transmuting internalization”) (Solomon, 1989).

Usually, underlying vulnerability and shame provokes escalating cycles of defensive maneuvers involving forms of attack and withdrawal (Lancer, 2014). These destructive defenses further deteriorate representations of one another and make therapy unsafe. However, couples can be educated that such tactics erode good feelings and damage their relationship.

Read Narcissus And Echo: The Heartbreak Of Relationships With Narcissists

To build self-awareness and mutual empathy, the therapist can ask them to each talk about how they protect themselves when they’re hurt, what they need and want from each other, and the effects of their current strategies. This can open an empathic dialogue between them about feelings, wishes, and needs, the way communicate, and its impact on one another.

When a defense is employed, the therapist should interrupt the issues at hand, stating something like, “I think we’re getting to the heart of something that hurts you both a great deal” (Solomon, 1989, p. 159). Then he or she can mirror the underlying hurt, emotions, and needs as suggested by Masterson, above, and guide the partner to assertively express them in a nonthreatening way.

Connecting the couple’s pain to their individual past provides space between them and mutual empathy. It allows projections to be detoxified, retrieved by the projector, and not taken personally by the recipient. They also need help to take responsibility for their individual self-soothing and finding other means of support for their needs.

Individual therapy with a Spouse/Partner

When narcissists won’t join counseling, their partners may enter individual therapy. The therapist can help the partner de-idealize his or her spouse and build self-esteem, autonomy, and resources outside the relationship. It’s helpful to connect the narcissist’s interactions to the partner’s yearnings and pain to childhood abandonment depression. Past trauma and shame can be worked through to increase self-worth and self-compassion.

Supporting the partner to stop reacting to the narcissist is the first step. Teaching the client to speak assertively is important. Partners need to learn to effectively ask the narcissist for what they want and to set boundaries on abusive behavior. This empowers the client and builds self-esteem. It also reduces denial and awakens the partner to the reality of the narcissist’s limitations. Intervening this way intrapsychically and systemically in individual therapy often substantially improves the couples’ interpersonal dynamics.

Do not try to be a therapist to a narcissist. This is not only dangerous, impossible, and can backfire, but can damage a partner’s own self and self-esteem.

Instead, partners should learn all about narcissism, reclaim their self and self-esteem and take the steps in Dealing with Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Boundaries with Difficult People.

See footnotes.


© Darlene Lancer 2015.
Published in
The Therapist, July, 2015


Written by Darlene Lancer
Originally appeared in WhatIsCodependency.com
Republished with permission.

therapy for npd and narcissists pin

Image credit

therapy for npd and narcissists pin
therapy for npd and narcissists
Ads

— About the Author —



Up Next

Debunking Anxiety Myths: 9 False Beliefs About Anxiety That You Shouldn’t Fall For

Anxiety Myths: Lies You've Been Told About Anxiety

Do you often feel anxious or have worries that seem to consume your thoughts? If so, you may be suffering from anxiety. Unfortunately, anxiety is often misunderstood, leading to the perpetuation of various anxiety myths and misconceptions.

Anxiety is a common experience that affects millions of people worldwide. Today, let us delve into the realm of anxiety myths, debunking them one by one to shed light on the truth behind these widely held misconceptions. 

So, let’s embark on this journey together and challenge our preconceived notions about anxiety.

9 Anxiety Myths You Must Know About

Ready to debunk common



Up Next

Gone Mentally AWOL: Why You Mentally Check Out Of Life And How To Re-Engage

Do You Mentally Check Out Of Life? Tips to Re-Engage

Have you ever found yourself physically present but mentally absent? You go through the motions, but your mind seems to have wandered off to another universe. Do you often disengage and mentally check out? 

Being emotionally checked out of life can occur in various aspects of our lives, whether at work, in relationships, or during everyday activities. 

Today, we will explore what does it mean to be mentally checked out, its potential consequences, and most importantly, how to stop being mentally checked out and regain focus and engagement.

What Does It Mean to be Mentally Checked Out? 



Up Next

Are You ‘Manic Cleaning’ Or Just Tidying Up? 5 Signs To Look For

Manic Cleaning Episodes: Signs To Look For

Have you ever been tidying your house and thought, “Am I manic cleaning?” Many people have been misusing this term so much that it’s become a viral trend.

But before we get into what is manic cleaning, let’s learn about mania. According to Dr. Aron Tendler, a psychiatrist and Chief Medical Officer, “mania” usually refers to bipolar disorder which causes unpredictable shifts in mood, energy, and functioning. Real mania lasts for seven days or more and affects behavior as well as mood and cognition.

And What Is Manic Cleaning Episode?



Up Next

Is It Contamination OCD? 10 Concerning Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore

Clear Contamination OCD Symptoms You Shouldn't Ignore

Ever feel like you just can’t shake off those nagging thoughts or feeling that something is dirty? Maybe you find yourself washing your hands until they’re raw and bleeding, or avoiding certain places because they don’t feel clean enough. All these signs point to contamination OCD that you didn’t realize you might have.

But fear not, you’re not alone, and there are ways to manage it.

Before we get into the signs and treatment, below are some of the reasons behind what causes Contamination OCD symptoms.



Up Next

7 Telltale Signs Of Unresolved Trauma: Recognizing The Invisible Scars

Telltale Signs Of Unresolved Trauma

Have you ever felt like you’re carrying a weight but you don’t know how it got there? And this heavy feeling is always showing up in unexpected ways. The thing is all of us have had experiences that have changed us in many ways, but the scars still remain. I am talking about unresolved trauma and the signs of unresolved trauma.

Most of the time, it’s easy to ignore or suppress what we feel emotionally, however, but ignoring the signs of unresolved emotional trauma will lead to more problems in the future.

Let’s take a closer look at the seven glaring signs that are telling you that it’s high time you take som



Up Next

Masculinity And Mental Health: 12 Warning Signs of Depression In Men And What To Do

Signs of Depression in Men You Shouldn't Ignore

Do you often feel frustrated, irritable, and withdrawn? If you are a man and if you are frequently in a bad mood, then it’s likely that you have male depression. The shadows of masculinity can often hide the signs of depression in men.

Male mental health is a topic we rarely talk about as a society that is supposed to be fair and equal. Yet, societal expectations often silence the cries for help from men who suffer from depression. 

But let’s change that today! Depression affects millions of people worldwide, regardless of gender. However, men often face unique challenges when it comes to recognizing and addressing



Up Next

When Life Feels Meaningless: 16 Mindful Practices To Break Free Of Darkness And Thrive

Tips on What to Do When Life Feels Meaningless

Do you feel your life has no purpose? Do you think life feels meaningless? Have you ever experienced a sense of emptiness? Maybe there is a feeling that life lacks meaning and direction. If so, you’re not alone. At some point in our lives, many of us grapple with the existential question of “What is the purpose of it all?” 

The feeling that life feels meaningless can be distressing and disheartening. However, it’s important to remember that this state is not permanent and that there are steps we can take to navigate through it. 

Let us explore why life sometimes feels meaningless, what gives life meaning, and practical strategies on what to do when life feels meaningless to reclaim a sense of purpose when faced with this existential challenge.