How A Narcissist’s Mind Operates During A Crisis: Since a narcissist relies on a huge amount of narcissistic supply to function, how do you think they cope when there is an absolute dearth of it?
My heart goes out to all of you who are dealing with a narcissist during this pandemic, and that’s why I passionately wanted to reach out to you with this topic today!
Narcissists need a regular hit of narcissistic supply, so what happens when the narcissist can’t go about narcissistic business as usual because of uncontrollable events?
In this episode, I explain to you how self-isolation and job loss can impact their minds and affect co-parenting. Plus, how to protect yourself from nasty hoovering tactics that can impact you and your children.
The Inner Gnawing Trauma
There are some people who find it difficult to spend time alone without distractions. This is always for the same reason, because of the difficulty to find peace with one’s Inner Being.
Narcissists take this discomfort to an extreme. The reason why is because their inner True Self has been discarded by the narcissist. They believe that this Inner Identity is not sufficient to cope in life. This is why there has been the construction and activation of a False Self in its place.
This False Self is always hungry. The narcissist needs the regular hit of narcissistic supply – which means the attention (good or bad it makes no difference) from outside forces to be able to bolster the narcissist’s feelings of personal significance.
The problem is this is a never-ending requirement. Because there is no True Self at the helm, the narcissist is snapped off from being able to source his or her good feelings directly through Life-Force/Source /Consciousness, in other words, his or her Higher Self.
Therefore, real and lasting feelings of peace, wholeness and well-being are impossible.
Because of this, the narcissist’s inner self-annihilating critic is always threatening to emerge, with the feedback that reminds the narcissist just how inadequate, broken, defective, and unacceptable he or she is.
Narcissistic supply is the drug that the narcissist frenetically hunts and feeds on to numb out and escape the truth about him or herself. This is a relentless lifetime pursuit for a narcissist.
As we are about to examine, this situation with COVID-19 makes the obtaining of narcissistic supply extremely difficult.
What Self-Isolation Means to a Narcissist
Being unable to be out in the world garnishing narcissistic supply is a narcissist’s worst nightmare.
In lockdown, not only is narcissistic supply harder to come by, it also means that the narcissist is being “told what to do”.
Narcissists hate being pinned down. They hate having to follow rules and regulations, in a way that goes way over and above the normal feelings that self-isolation might bring up for people.
Narcissists believe that they are a law unto themselves, above reproach, and not answerable to anybody. To go along with the requirements for the rest of the world means that they would become just like everybody else.
This is unthinkable for a narcissist.
So, what does this time of COVID-19 amount to for a narcissist?
A narcissist being HORRIBLE. He or she will be suffering horrific narcissistic injuries and narcissistic supply withdrawals constantly.
What does this mean for you?
It means that the narcissist is likely to lash out, in nasty or manipulative ways that are focused on one of two possible agendas – securing much-needed narcissistic supply, or/and spewing the viciousness of their inner-annihilating wounds all over you.
Some of you may have thought, now that this person can’t just run off and do whatever they want to do, that this would bring you closer. However, I can assure you that self-isolation with a narcissist is certainly not the “togetherness” or “team-work” that you would hope.
If You Are Co-parenting with a Narcissist
During this time of coronavirus, many of you have reported extremely frustrating struggles with the narcissist.
Of course, you are feeling triggered about whether this person is self-isolating or doing the right thing by your child.
The answer is, they probably aren’t.
This is where you need to go back to the absolute truth of how to deal with a narcissist.
The more that you try to get the narcissist to do the right thing, the more the narcissist will do the wrong thing – simply because it extracts so much narcissistic supply (attention) from you.
You know I say the same thing always, and currently, it is more important than ever – I can’t recommend enough that you detach, keep releasing the trauma that you’re feeling that is being activated within you and do everything in your power to be a whole, safe and healthy parent when you have your child with you.
This is only possible when you can release those feelings of being so disturbed and triggered. Additionally, what you will find is that the narcissist will desist from a lot of the behavior and ways that he or she has been hurting you and your child when they receive zero narcissistic supply from you.
That’s the thing about narcissists, the energy expended to get narcissistic supply means that there must be a payoff to continue it. If there isn’t a payoff, then the narcissist will focus on getting narcissistic supply from somewhere else.
As many of you have discovered, my NARP Program is a powerful and effective way to reach this level of detachment.
A Time of Intense Hoovering
Absolutely, narcissists stuck with being with themselves, without the drama, distractions, and frenetic energy of the world, are very low on narcissistic supply.
However, we know with technology being what it is, they are very capable of reaching out to people, past and present, to try to hook them up for an energetic feed again.
It’s so important, that if you are done with a narcissist and are focused on your own healing, that you block him or her. Don’t allow a hoover to get through to you.
If any communication is necessary, such as in the case of a property settlement or joint custody, then set up third party contacts such as through a solicitor, or the wonderful Parallel Parenting tool Our Family Wizard.
These steps allow you to have strong boundaries around yourself, soul, and life. This means, “I am no longer available as your snack when you are in need of a feed!”
Being hoovered by a narcissist is no compliment!
To the narcissist you are a mere object, there to give the terribly insecure ego a hit to help grant the narcissist significance. This comes at a terrible price for you. Because you are being used, there is no genuine care for you, remorse for what happened, or intention to grant you healthy or happy behavior in the future.
You are only necessary to them so that they can siphon you out for their False Self’s energy needs, and then when that is done you are just as likely to be discarded and thrown in the gutter as you were last time.
It’s so important to understand this so that you don’t go there.
If the Narcissist Lost Their Job
It is likely you will be blamed, or the narcissist will play on your heartstrings to get you to financially support them. Or just simply guilt you or demand that you do.
Or, the narcissist will jump ship onto a better deal that will provide what the narcissist needs to buffer up their False Self again.
It is not likely that you will be dealing with a stable, calm, resourceful, adaptable person who takes personal responsibility for their life.
Shoring Yourself Up Against a Narcissist in Crisis
My heart goes out to all of you who are dealing with a narcissist during this pandemic. I know that the suffering that you are going through is indescribable.
But yet, this is a huge opportunity to up-level, even as hard as it may seem to do so.
It’s so true, in times of calamity, that we have the grist and impetus to go for our greatest growth. Because we need to!
I know that there are many of you in this amazing community who have really knuckled down into your deep inner work and are emerging stronger and stronger against narcissists as a result of this.
In many cases, this is despite everything that the narcissist is trying to throw at you.
I am so proud of you!
For those of you who don’t yet know how this is possible, and can’t even imagine getting there, I promise you with all my heart that it is possible and you can achieve this.
And, I am completely dedicated to helping you achieve this.
To help you do this, I am opening up another Free Masterclass, which I know is really needed at this time.
It is on April 29th. In this special event, I share with you real processes to get relief, take your power back and break the binds from any narcissist in your life, regardless of how much they’ve hurt or damaged you.
Even despite the predicament that you may be in right now.
Please know that if you can’t make this event live, you will receive a recording as a result of signing up, which you can watch and listen to at a time that suits you, in the comfort of your own home.
Again, this event is completely free, and I know how much it can help you.
I can’t wait to join you in it.
And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.
When it comes to dealing with narcissists, the more narcissistic supply you provide them with, the more they will shower their toxicity on you. The moment you stop giving into their manipulations and tricks, they lose. They might resort to hoovering, but as long as you stand your ground, you will win. Narcissistic supply is the backbone of narcissism, and if they don’t get it, they are absolutely powerless.