How To Move On When You See Your Ex Every Day

how to move on when you see your ex

“Sometimes you just have to erase the messages, delete the numbers and move on. You don’t have to forget who that person was to you; only accept that they aren’t that person anymore.” – Unknown

Dear Chelsea,

I don’t even know where to start. I loved this girl who completely broke my heart. Our relationship has been nothing but a confused mess! You would think that I would be happy that we are over but I’m completely lost. She was my first love but sadly we let so many little things get between us, like, what others thought. Everyone keeps saying, “How can you love someone who has treated you so badly?”

How do I even answer that anymore? I used to be able to say that they didn’t know her like I did. But now I don’t even know who she is anymore. We went from talking every day to not even being able to look at each other and now sadly I am forced to see her every day! Which would be okay if I could stop wondering how she can just move on.

Doesn’t she see how much she is hurting me? Why doesn’t anyone understand if it was easy to just forget about her then I already would have? I suppose the real question that I would like answered is: how do I move on if I have to see her every day?

Any advice would truly be appreciated! I just need someone to understand what I’m going through.


A Confused Train Wreck

Good news. I don’t know where to start either. I also wouldn’t think you’d be happy that your confusing, messy relationship is over. My God, I feel like those are the hardest to let go of. We keep fighting for them, you know? We feel like they haven’t had the chance to even really begin, that if we could just clean up the mess, if we could just get some answers, then there’d be love there.

Related: What Letting Go Actually Is Because It Isn’t As Simple As Moving On

Huge, fantastic, unwavering, incontestable love. I don’t know about that. I think sometimes we have to be forced out of love or maybe the fantasy we have of it.

Both can be good for us though. Losing someone against our own will can be good for us. Falling deep into the fantasy rather than the reality of a relationship can be good for us. We need these experiences at least once in our life.

We need to feel what it’s like to be robbed of something and someone. We need to know what it is to never really touch something either, to never have someone in the way we believe they can be. We need to let people get away. We need to be the one who’s left behind and sometimes we have to be the one who slips off first as well.

If you want to know love, you’ve got to weather its various storms. You have to take on the weight of your feelings, you have to learn how far down you are willing to be dragged, you have to recognize what love is not, you have to discover what love means for you.

Fortunate for you, you are in the midst of one of those storms and I’m of the opinion that that isn’t a curse.

You being forced to see your ex every day is actually a blessing. (Though, you probably haven’t heard that before.) Listen, my perspective isn’t a popular one. I know that. Search the Internet and you will come across very different advice. But I believe it’s a good response, a more powerful response, to do what isn’t easily being done. Because the advice that’s followed most freely is often the easiest advice to take; and easy won’t make you stronger, darling.

Move on
How To Move On When You See Your Ex Every Day
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Chelsea Leigh Trescott

Certified in solution-focused life coaching, Chelsea Leigh Trescott is a breakup coach, advice columnist, and podcast host of Thank You Heartbreak. She helps her clients save their relationship or save themselves, and Breakupward.View Author posts