Rationalizing Manipulation: How Narcissists Take Advantage Of You

Rationalizing Manipulation

“Drove them back and forth 2.5 hours each way to sports practice because they were ‘tired from working all day’ and I wasn’t supportive if I didn’t help. Never mind that I also had a demanding 9-5 job.”

“We were living a half-hour apart, and he would just expect me to be there whenever he demanded. I could not take time to settle my own business, like if I was in the middle of laundry or a task; just jump in the car and go. One time I took too long (according to him) and he screamed at me for hours.”

“My partner’s ex destroyed over $500 worth of my things, simply because she felt she was entitled to do so. We are now in small claims court because she was clearly legally wrong, but she is refusing to take any responsibility.”

“My ex-wife violated the court restraining order, was caught on a security camera doing so, and was arrested for trespassing…she blamed me and told our kids I was at fault.”

“Taking him back over and over, thinking the breaks were part of his ‘process’ rather than seeing that our connection was a joke to him. Believing the best in him when he continued to prove me wrong.”

“Watching myself act crazy because he knew exactly how to say things that would upset me and then he would turn around and call ME unhinged.”

“Attacked me verbally for setting strict boundaries.”

“Bailed him out of jail.”

“I was with a guy that was in the middle of a custody situation. I helped him with (read: did all of) the legal footwork and filing papers. He ended up dropping everything and went back to his ex.”

“I researched, filled out, completed, and provided my ex’s family with their immigration documentation…only for them to be racist and abusive to me.”

“I lied under oath for a deposition during his divorce and custody/alimony battle.”

“I covered for him when questioned about his alcohol consumption and habits.”

“My first husband only wanted two kids…he convinced me that was the perfect size family. When my second was born, I had my tubes tied. Now that I am remarried, I can’t have any more children with my new husband.”

“I married them.”

“She convinced me that she was just friends with the guy she was cheating with and that I was imagining things. She finally admitted to it when she finished her degree program and got a better job…and she was financially able to leave me.”

Related: 11 Traps of Narcissistic Entanglement

Turning The Tables

Narcissists are skilled at rationalizing every situation mentioned above – and more. Not only can they turn an outrageous situation normal, but they can convince sane, levelheaded individuals that they are dramatic, irrational, and crazy. Gaslighting and micromanipulations are just a couple of the tools that narcissists use for confusing the victim in a relationship and keeping them under control.

No matter the type of relationship, narcissistic abuse is real but can be overcome. The lack of empathy or sympathizing is a hallmark of a narcissistic partner and can cause major emotional damage. Finding a qualified counselor or life coach is the key to starting over and reclaiming your self-respect.

Kristy Lee Hochenberger can be contacted for life coaching at ExcelsiorLifeCoaching@gmail.com and facebook.com/excelsiorcoaching


Written By Kristy Lee Hochenberger 
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today 
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