A Karen mom is a f***ing nightmare
Karens are ruthless, heartless (not in the literal sense) and malevolent. They will shout, scream, demand, protest and they will not stop until you do it their way. And they don’t care about anyone – not their parents or spouse and definitely not their children. However, all that violent craziness and rampaging to prove that they are right and entitled to be so can seriously affect their children.
Living with a Karen for a mom is never easy. You are always ashamed and just to hide away from all the toxic drama. Normal daily tasks become embarrassing. Going out with her is an anxiety-fueled nightmare that soon turns into a documentary as people instantly whip out their phones and start recording your mom as soon as her Karen mode is activated in public. You become a laughing stock in your social circle. Thanks mom! When your mom’s behavior is unnerving and unpredictable it can lead to a tendency to blame, criticize and hate yourself. The fact is children with narcissistic parents tend to be insecure, have traumatic stress, anxiety and even depression. It can affect a child’s self-esteem, confidence, sense of self worth and ability to socialize.
But as you grow through it, you become sanitized (yup, that’s a COVID-19 reference right there!) to all the drama and toxicity that your entitled mom can’t live without. But the best thing that comes out of all the shouting, screaming, embarrassment and trauma is that you learn how NOT to behave with people. You learn that you should care about others, not just yourself. You realize that your unreasonable wishes and demands are not more important than the reasonable needs of others. You understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you. That you’re NOT entitled, no one is. You learn to take “no” for an answer, accept rejection and criticism, learn to be empathetic and compassionate and take steps so that you don’t grow up to be like your mom – a Karen!
DON’T release the Kraken… I mean the Karen!
Jokes aside, being with a mom who is a Karen can be a horrible experience and can scar you psychologically and emotionally. But just because someone is a Karen does not mean that they are evil people. It simply means that they have certain thoughts, beliefs and personality traits that need to be changed so that they behave in a more socially acceptable manner. If we believe that Karens have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), then therapy can actually help them to change their thought and behavior patterns. Studies have found that treatment can be effective in managing narcissistic behavior. “Psychoanalysis of narcissistic disorders can lead to significant therapeutic gains,” explain researchers. However, getting your narcissistic mom to attend therapy can be a challenge in itself as they don’t think anything is wrong with them.
So if you want to cope with a Karen mom, here are few hacks you can try out –
- Talk to her openly about your concerns
- Set healthy boundaries
- Limit your exposure or contact with your mother
- Don’t let her influence you
- Prioritize your needs and yourself
- Remain calm and respond smartly in chaotic situations
- Don’t try to change, heal or fix her
- Be empathetic towards her
- Don’t take her behavior personally
- Talk to another family member or relative about her behavior
- Encourage her to seek therapy
- Talk to a therapist for your issues
Call the therapist, not the manager
Growing up with a Karen mom can significantly screw your own mindset and personality. It can affect how you relate with your mom, connect with others and see yourself (cue for low self-esteem). To overcome the confusion, embarrassment and trauma of her drama-infused chaotic life, learn to detach yourself from her, build your individual identity and definitely seek therapy, if needed.
P.s. Don’t let your mom read this though. I don’t want her to speak to my manager!