When You Should and When You Shouldn’t Get Back With Your Ex

 May 05, 2019

When You Should and When You Shouldn't Get Back With Your Ex

Should exes ever get back together?

The vast majority of them, no, they shouldn’t.

But the rule of “what broke you up the first time will break you up again” is far from being the truth.

While the black and white rule of “getting back with your ex is never a good idea” is a sexy concept, it’s simply not true in real life.

Here are five reasons why you shouldn’t – and five reasons why you should – get back with your ex.

Five Times When You Shouldn’t Get Back With Your Ex

1. They were the best thing in your life

Were they the best thing in your life?

Maybe they were. But that’s generally more of a sign that you want to improve the things in your life (especially the things that aren’t people).

While a romantic partner can be your favorite person in the world, they shouldn’t be your favorite anything.

 

2. Trying to find someone new isn’t going well

Sure, dating can suck. And the few flings that followed your ex might all seem like laughably poor options compared to your past relationship, but that still doesn’t mean much.

Just like the process of finding a new job after quitting/being fired from your last job isn’t fun, those are necessary growing pains in order for you to find something you’re excited about again.

And if your mind is trying to tell you that they were the best that you could get, have a little faith. Your ex was in your life for a reason, and you very likely catalyzed each other into the kind of people you needed to be in order to attract your ultimate partner.

Besides, if you feel like going back to your ex because it seems like an easy option, remember that nobody wants to be the person you settled for.

It’s better to be temporarily alone and hurting in order to find your ideal partner later on, than it is to keep yourself stuck in the same old relationship that has no potential.

 

3. You want to prove that you can

Maybe they broke your heart, and your self-esteem took a huge hit.

If you find yourself wanting to get back with them just to see if you are able to, this a recipe for disaster.

Do you want to see if you are still worthy of them and their attention?

Do you find yourself telling your friends that you think you can still “win” their heart?

When someone wants to walk out of your life, have enough self-respect to hold the door open for them. Stop giving them real estate in your thoughts, and cut them from your life.

 

4. When your gut knows you shouldn’t

When your gut/heart/intuition is screaming at you “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

That person again!?”

You can’t logic your way into a relationship. You have to feel genuinely compelled, not cornered into it. Don’t ever date someone because your friends think they they’re good for you, or they’re wealthy, or everyone you know thinks that they’re absolutely gorgeous.

The only thing that matters is how you and your heart respond to them. Everything else is just noise.

 

5. They were awful to you, or awful for you

Were they awful to you?

Were they emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive?

Did they belittle you and make you think you were unlovable to anyone but them?

Were they awful for you?

Did they encourage the sides of yourself that you didn’t like?

Did you find yourself engaging in self-destructive behaviour like drinking, drugs, or partying more often than you would have liked?

Did they discourage the sides of yourself that you wanted to flourish (for example, were they dismissive of your hobbies or friends)?

If you didn’t like the version of yourself that you were when you were around them… steer clear. The relationship has run its course and you deserve better than what you experienced.

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