Future Faking is actually a form of manipulation that aims at giving you a false sense of happiness by making the kind of future promises that you want to hear. The idea they put into your mind that they will take care of everything can actually get you in prison, albeit psychologically. By Elinor Greenberg
Future faking is a courtship strategy in which a narcissist paints a detailed picture of the wonderful future that they will have with a partner that is actually unlikely to happen. In some cases, narcissists do not intentionally fool their lovers. They may jump into the deep end too fast without thinking about how they might disappoint a partner. Many narcissists are also poor conversationalists, and they may use future faking as a substitute for real conversations.
Most normal relationships follow a fairly predictable pattern. If the couple’s religious views do not forbid it, the couple dates has sex, meets each other’s friends, moves in together, and gradually gets to know each other’s family. Over time, they either become more serious about the relationship and get engaged or they decide that they are not well suited and break up. There are variations on this basic pattern, but generally, most people do not make serious plans for a future together until they both feel fully committed to the relationship. This usually takes a year or two.
However, people with narcissistic personality disorder do not do a normal courtship. They are so focused on winning you over that they speed everything up and increase the intensity. It is a bit like dating on adrenaline. Everything that a normal couple does in the course of a year, they do after a few dates.
Narcissists rarely stop to assess whether the two of you are really a good match. Instead, they use a variety of strategies in an attempt to get you to fall in love and commit to them before they have fully committed to you—even though they are telling you that you are the love of their life and their perfect mate. It is only after you are fully committed that they actually decide whether you are what they really want. This in itself is really bad, but it gets worse.
Like future faking, do you want to know more about the shady things narcissists do? Then read more at 12 Weird Things Narcissists Do
One of the cruelest courtship strategies that some narcissists use to reel in a new lover involves making elaborate and detailed plans with you for a future life together. Most people have heard about “narcissistic love bombing,” showering someone with over-the-top compliments and gifts, but not everyone is aware of “future faking.”
Note: I am using the terms narcissist, narcissistic, and NPD as shorthand ways to refer to someone who qualifies for a diagnosis of a narcissistic personality disorder.
What is future faking?
Future faking is a courtship strategy in which narcissists talk to you in elaborate detail about all the wonderful things that the two of you will do together in the future—the cute little restaurant you will absolutely love, how the two of you will explore the most romantic cities in the world, or even how many children the two of you will have and what to name them. All the while, they sound very enthusiastic and sincere.
What makes it future faking, and not just planning a future, is that none of this is likely to ever happen. Instead of being on the road to bliss, you are now on the road to disappointment. What usually occurs is that shortly after narcissists believe that you are fully committed and in love with them, everything starts to change. Now that the chase is over, the good times diminish.