What Is Future Faking: How Narcissists Use It To Control Their Victims

What Is Future Faking How Narcissists Use It

Narcissists have many methods of controlling their victims and making them dance to their tunes, and one of the most devious and manipulative is future faking their preys.

I will tell you later.

What did you feel when you read that sentence above after being drawn by the title of this article? Disappointment? Irritation? Annoyance? Amusement? A familiar tightness in the chest? A mixture of all of the above?

Future faking is a common manipulation used by all narcissists.

1. Lesser Narcissists

Often, lacking in sophistication, instinctive, vague, can be of questionable provenance.

‘I want to see you again.’
‘I want to marry you.’
‘I will buy you that mansion’ (Even though the narcissist has no money and no job).

2. Mid Range Narcissists

Often, subtle and more sophisticated, instinctive, more likely to be specific, more likely to be plausible.

‘I want us to go on holiday this summer together, somewhere like the Maldives.’
‘I can see you and me as a married couple, I want to marry you in the Autumn next year by the latest.’
‘Start looking for that new car I will buy you, why not have a look at the Mercedes dealership over at Pleasantville?’

3. Greater Narcissists

Infrequent (Greater Narcissists are more likely to deliver), greater sophistication, sometimes instinctive but usually calculated, highly plausible.

‘I have e-mailed you some houses to look at. I really like the fourth and sixth ones on the list. They are in the countryside so there will be room for the animals to roam as well, but not so far away as to make getting to work a chore. You have a look at it and let me know what you think. We can talk about this over dinner.’

Related: What Is Future Faking And Why Do Narcissists Do It?

What is Future Faking?

It is the imposition of control and acquisition of fuel in the NOW using a FUTURE event.

Read that sentence again.

It is the imposition of control and acquisition of fuel in the NOW using a FUTURE event.

Our victims find future faking upsetting, bewildering and infuriating. Why did he promise to marry me and never do it? Why tell me we would live together if he never intended to go through with it? Why arrange to have dinner with me and then fail to show up, not even texting me to say he could not make it?

There was never any intention to deliver on the original statement but you were conned into thinking that the intention was genuine.

future faking
Future Faking

Why were you conned?

1. Future Faking is an easy manipulation to use because it relies on a spoken/written intent with no associated requirement to deliver.

Thus it is very low in energy expenditure and as you know, we like to achieve the maximum outcome with the minimum expenditure of time, energy, money etc.

2. You as an empathic victim operate on the basis that if you say you will do something, you will (unless there are exceptionally valid reasons) deliver on that promise.

Therefore you expect others to operate to the same standard of behaviour. You are goaded into thinking that since the person you are entangled with is similar to you (because you do not know he or she is a narcissist) they will behave in the same way as you, i.e. deliver on the promise.

3. Your emotional thinking wants you to continue to engage with the narcissist.

Therefore it corrupts your empathic traits, for example, Honesty, Love Devotee and/or Decency into believing that the narcissist will deliver on this stated intention because that is what honest and decent people do. We are neither honest nor decent – you however do not know that or you fail to abide by the logic of knowing that when your emotional thinking soars.

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