How Childhood Wounds End Up Haunting You, Even In Your Adulthood

 / 

,
How Childhood Wounds End Up Haunting You

“Family relationships trigger childhood wounds, and those wounds often trump our rational thinking. We can ‘rationally’ transcend the kind of primal pain that such relationships can arouse” – Marianne Williamson

Love is one of the most primitive feelings that humans can comprehend. During childhood, the emotional connection we develop with those around us plays a major role as to how and what we become in our adulthood.

Each and every child irrespective of where they come from, or how they are, have a few basic needs- they want to feel protected, respected, allowed a certain amount of freedom and most importantly, be loved. Emotional distress and emotional neglect in their growing years can be caused by multiple factors such as an emotional disconnect with parents, unhealthy sibling rivalry, over-controlling guardians, and being burdened by the expectations of their parents.

Read 3 Types Of Childhood Emotional Wounds That Keep You Stuck In Adult Life

Emotional distress is hazardous for sensitive children

In the case of children, who are sensitive in nature, the psychological impact of being deprived of love is even more prominent. They have intense emotional responses to every event happening around them. Thus, if they face any amount of emotional trauma, it triggers intense feelings and they end up being emotionally damaged permanently.

On the outside, all the people who were emotionally deprived as a child might seem alright because all their basic physical needs such as clothing and food are being met. But the lack of recognition makes the invisible emotional wounds bleed.

Parents should never tell their children things such, ‘You are trash!’ or ‘You will never be good enough!’, no matter what mistake they might have made.

One of the most common childhood wounds is being deprived of love and made to feel ‘useless’ by parents. Constantly being underappreciated and undermined while growing up, delivers a huge blow to one’s self-esteem. Often, children who are deprived of love, grow up into adults who find it difficult to even imagine that they are worthy of being loved and that they deserve genuine love.

They feel like whatever they do, there will always be a part of them that will stop them and also other people, from building an emotional connection with them.

The self-deprecating feeling that develops due to the lack of love generally leads to loneliness. The individual’s experiences with the people closest to them, while growing up, ignite major trust issues. They doubt if they will ever be able to receive love at any level and tend to distrust people who actually take the initiative. All because their parents and their family made them feel unlovable.

Due to childhood wounds, making friends becomes extremely difficult for them as they always feel that they are not worthy of anyone’s friendship and are a burden on others. Self-doubt makes it very hard for them to develop romantic relationships.

Read Growing Through Trauma: How To Not Let A Bad Childhood Define Your Life

A child is a gift of God – Appreciate them, ALL THE TIME!

As a child, one needs to be appreciated very often, in order for them to develop healthy self-esteem and have a strong sense of self-worth. Every time a child is appreciated, they become more confident and try to improve themselves. But if children’s efforts are ignored or not appreciated by their parents they naturally develop a tendency to be anxious around people and feel under-confident for the most part of their lives. 

The psychological reason for most adults being under-confident is the lack of emotional attention they receive in their childhood. The reason why even for the simplest of tasks, they think a thousand times about the perception people will have about them if or not they accomplish it. Looking for validation, even from strangers, becomes very important for them to find their self-worth, and feel good about themselves.

If parents constantly make their children feel unworthy, not good enough and a burden on them, then it will swiftly lead to depression, and this depression will follow them and haunt them, well into their adulthood.

Not being loved as a child, gives birth to a constant feeling of guilt and shame within them. They develop this notion that they are not loved because it’s their fault or because maybe they are not good enough, or they are not who their parents wanted as their offspring. When these feelings are transferred to an adult, they only intensify and cause immense stress and emotional pain. They will constantly feel guilty about the smallest mistakes they make. 

Overthinking and depression are the most common outcomes of such guilt. In other cases, to overcome this feeling of guilt, they might become too sensitive to the needs of those around them. They might interfere too much in other people’s lives to make sure that they love them. But unfortunately, this only ends up driving people away from them.

childhood wounds
childhood wounds

Parents should never make their children feel as if love is a trade

One of the worst things parents can do to their children is making them feel that they have to earn their love. Emotionally deprived children tend to believe that love is a transaction. As they grow up, they feel that in order to be loved by someone, they must be of some use to them. They think and feel deep down in their hearts that they are not supposed to be loved because of who they are but because of what they can do for the person they want to be loved by.

This often results in them getting involved in toxic and abusive relationships because they feel that being physically or mentally abused by their partner is a price they have to pay for being loved by them.

Read Core Wounds: 12 Signs You Have an Unhealed Core Wound

Wrapping Up

Healing childhood wounds is difficult but not impossible.

You need to stop being so hard on yourself, and most importantly, you need to stop believing that you don’t deserve love, or you are unworthy of love. It might be challenging at first, but you need to try and make your peace with the struggle, pain and childhood wounds you went through and tell your heart that ‘how I was treated was not my fault, and I am worthy of love.’

As an adult, you need to choose and be with people who see you as the beautiful soul you are. People who will never make you feel like you are not good enough, or you have to work very hard to be loved by them. You deserve all the happiness in life, and never let anything or anyone tell you otherwise.

One last thing, raise your children better so that they don’t have to survive with a gaping hole in their hearts.


The Childhood Wounds We Carry In Adulthood, When We Were Deprived of Love
The Childhood Wounds We Carry In Adulthood, When We Were Deprived of Love
How Childhood Wounds End Up Haunting You pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Response

  1. Dragitsa Avatar
    Dragitsa

    I’m in my sixties, and I’ve never had a friend, but one, for a month, at the age of ten, for a month, before my overprotective mother forbade me to see her after she got cat scratch fever. Never once did my mother hug me, or said she loved me, though I have pictures of her playing with me and my twin brother as young toddlers. Oddly, I have no memories of playing with my brother, but I only remember playing with bugs and sticks in the backyard.
    Always the new student in a new school each year, rendered me invisible and depressed. It’s odd, but I don’t feel the need for friends. My husband tried to get me to make friends more than once, so I mentally stood back to see if they would align with my moral standards, and they certainly wouldn’t. One was a gossip who browbeat her husband, and cheated on him, and last year my husband and I broke it off with a friendly couple who wanted us to swing with them. If I found anyone without these moral failings, I would be at a loss as to what I would want or need a friend for, in the first place, it’s very foreign to me. My husband isn’t my friend, but the main source of aggravation to me, since he was neglected as a child, too, and I can’t reach his heart. I have to fight to have a life of my own, because he’s so mistrusting and paranoid.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

When No Place Feels Like Home: 3 Ways To Find Where You Belong

Ways To Find Where You Belong: No Place Feels Like Home

To find where you belong, can be a nuanced journey, often filled with self-discovery and realizations about what makes a place feel like home. Here are three insightful ways to navigate this path, uncovering where you genuinely belong and creating a sanctuary that resonates with your inner self.

What do you do when NO place feels like home? What if when watching Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz clicking the heels of her ruby slippers three times and crying out that famous line – “there’s no place like home” – you found yourself shaking your head, feeling very much alone, and silently wishing that you HAD a place – ANY PLACE – that felt like home?

If that sounds like you, you’re not alone.



Up Next

How To Get Over Infatuation: 10 Tips For Gaining Emotional Balance In Relationships

How To Get Over Infatuation: Ten Tips To Gain Emotional Balance

Ever found yourself deeply infatuated with someone, experiencing an overwhelming rush of emotions that consumes your every thought? Infatuation can be an exhilarating experience, but it can also be a double-edged sword that leaves us feeling vulnerable and emotionally imbalanced. Let’s explore how to get over infatuation.

How to Get Over Infatuation

Whether you’re infatuated with someone who is not available or struggling with infatuation while being married, it’s important to find ways to navigate these intense feelings and regain your emotional equilibrium. 



Up Next

Understanding Atelophobia Symptoms: Fear Of Imperfection Unveiled

Understanding Atelophobia Symptoms And Seven Ways To Overcome

Do you ever find yourself plagued by self-doubt, constantly fearing failure, or feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to be perfect? If so, you might be experiencing atelophobia symptoms, a condition that affects countless individuals worldwide. 

Let us explore the depths of atelophobia, exploring its definition, symptoms, and related factors. By gaining a deeper understanding of this condition, we can empower ourselves and others to overcome the paralyzing fear of imperfection and embrace personal growth and self-acceptance.

Atelophobia Definition



Up Next

Your Mental Health Matters: 5 Habits You Need To Let Go Of Right Now

mental health matters

Everyone talks about the importance of having good physical health, and a healthy and strong body. But what about mental health, or rather the importance of good mental health? Just like physical health, mental health matters equally. 

As caregiver to my mom and sister, both of whom were diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, I got good at pretending I was fine. From the outside looking in, I played the role of someone who had it all together.

On the rare occasion when somebody would ask me, “Are you okay?” or “What’s the matter?” my automatic responses would be “I’m fine” and “Nothing.” Few people ever bothered to



Up Next

“I’m Not Like Other Girls”: 5 Telltale Signs of A Pick Me Girl

Toxic Signs of A Pick Me Girl And How To Stop Being One

Ever heard of “Pick Me girls”? These are individuals who go to great lengths to prove they’re “not like other girls.” Let’s dive in and explore this phenomenon!

In this article, we’ll dive into what is a Pick Me Girl and, how to spot her, and provide examples to help you better understand this phenomenon.

What Is A Pick Me Girl?

Pick Me Girls are individuals, typically women, who go to great lengths to be chosen by someone they’re interested in romantically. They often believe that by being overly accommodating, agreeable, and submissive, they can



Up Next

What Is Emotional Constipation? 13 Symptoms and Ways You Can Release The Emotional Logjam For A Healthier You

What Is Emotional Constipation? Signs Of Blocked Emotions

Life today feels like a whirlwind. With endless tasks and pressures, it’s easy to side-line our feelings and emotions. This busy routine can lead you to a place where you’re stuffing down your emotions, a jam-up that’s often called – emotional constipation. In simple terms, it means you might be having a hard time understanding and expressing your real feelings.

Ever felt like you’re about to burst but don’t know why? Or you just can’t find the words to explain how you’re feeling? That’s a sign. This article will help you understand what is emotional constipation, major emotional constipation symptoms, and how to deal with emotional constipation, so that you can break free and get your emotional groove back.



Up Next

How To Calm Down Quickly? 5 Best Tried And Tested Self-Calming Methods

How To Calm Down Quickly? Five Best Self-Calming Methods

We all have moments when we feel extremely overwhelmed and stressed out, and no matter how hard we try, it feels impossible to calm down quickly. So, how to calm down quickly? This article is going to talk about some of the most effective ways to calm down quickly, that won’t be hard on you but will also be good for you in the long run. . 

When you experience intense anxiety, anger, or sadness, you might need to calm yourself. Do you know how? It’s important that you find self calming methods that work best for you. Give these methods a try!

How To Calm Down Quickly? 5 Best Self Calming Methods