I was in a seventeen-year-long relationship, three of which were dating. It started in high school, and I didn’t know what a narcissist was, much less that people could be that evil. I was always told that relationships and marriage were hard work, so I needed to stick it out and stay in the relationship. Church pastors and members encouraged me to not end things, no matter how bad it seemed.
No one took me seriously, and I resigned to the fact that it’s simply hard work, and this was the way life being married was. I was cheated on so many times, nothing I could prove physically, but multiple times she left me emotionally for other men that I could prove. One time I was so fed up that I actually encouraged her to meet her online fling.
I know now, that she is a covert narcissist. Anytime that I’d catch her, she’d find some way to avoid taking responsibility for her actions, to the extreme of an “attempted suicide”, taking a bottle of pills while at home alone with our then, infant daughter. She simply used this to cover up me finding her the day prior to talking to someone online about their hopes and dreams of their life together, and her carrying his baby. I took a screenshot of her email that she was working on as proof to confront her with.
I felt alone, lost, a roommate, a whipping boy, someone to do her bidding and if I didn’t, I’d get rage or the silent treatment. I saw how she treated others that “wronged” her and would get me to believe that she did nothing wrong, and I ended up being her flying monkey.
Fast forward to the end of the relationship, I had enough, but couldn’t break free. She made me pay for new boobs and a tummy tuck and later found out that this was her way out, getting confidence in her looks to sleep with as many men as possible. It took a friend who knew what she was to break me free of the seventeen-year bond that was there.
Almost six years later, non-stop legal issues with the three children, and the oldest is now estranged from me. She was brainwashed and alienated from me. I attempted to catch her in this with a counselor, psychiatrist, and a guardian ad litem, all of whom were manipulated, and I ended up losing 50/50 visitation with the oldest child to the point I don’t see or hear from her at all.
To this day, I have to guard myself because she could easily manipulate law enforcement into thinking I did something to her, and end up in jail for doing nothing. So there is contact via email only, and there is little to no contact in person unless we can’t help it. She has manipulated doctors and nurses in two instances. My oldest was hospitalized for attempted suicide (just like dear old mommy) and back surgery.
During her stay at the hospital for the back surgery, I was kept away by her mom’s flying monkeys, and the attempted suicide was hidden from me. It took my legal team to contact the hospital’s legal team to let me in the door to see her. I was told my daughter had taken a bunch of old pills but found that was untrue. She had overdosed on cocaine, Adderall, and had marijuana and alcohol in her system.
I recently found a GoFundMe page, begging for donations for this, but under the disguise of some disease that she doesn’t have. My new wife carries insurance for her, and my daughter is not taking anything for this purported disease.
Related: How To Leave A Narcissist Or Abuser
The relationship with the female narcissist in my life can be very confusing and quite difficult to put into words. EVERYBODY Loves her! I loved her, still love her, and have empathy for her. When I attempt to explain it to others, they tell me, “I don’t think you’re being fair. Everybody has a past.” She broke up with her first secret boyfriend, began dating me from within the church, and at the same time was sleeping with a married man. And then moved in with that man and his wife and child.
She became a part of several weekday ministries within the church. After I was burnt a few times, my gut was telling me to move on (at that time I didn’t have all of the knowledge I now currently have). I had decided to go no contact for a year. We still shared the same social circle though. Before that time of ‘no contact’ she had REALLY made it appear to me and others that she and I were dating and developing something good.
I had really cherished our times together. Unbeknownst to me, she was f****** a married man. I had thought, ‘Ahh, she is the one! She is the one that God ordained for me!’ Oh, damn, I was so wrong. I had to question my religion. I had found out later that she had also given that man 20,000 Dollars. She had only known him for one to three months. Within 3 months she and he were shopping for a home together. She had just broken up with her past boyfriend and would show up to the church and lead me on with the love-bombing as if we had a healthy courtship/relationship developing. Woah was I fooled.
Over time I went ‘no contact’ to the best of my ability. Wasn’t quite as familiar with narcissism then. I attempted to date, other girls. It seems that she somehow befriended every girl I had attempted to date. A girl I had asked out because we had similar interests had called me a ‘CHEATER!’ in a very passionate way, when in fact I was single, very single.
I was becoming lonely. I had actually begun experiencing something called “touch hunger”. I began to shower not to wash but to have something against my skin. I needed something to comfort and to stimulate the pressures I was beginning to feel. I had very few hugs and intimacy for a long time. I had decided to date outside of the church. I met a mature lovely woman (maybe I’m wrong) with whom I had shared similar interests. We had gone out on quite a few dates.