What Is Breadcrumbing? 3 Reasons Why Breadcrumbing Is Worse Than Ghosting

 / 

,
3 Reasons Why Breadcrumbing Is Worse Than Ghosting

Getting breadcrumbed is one of the worst experiences to go through, which is why breadcrumbing is worse than ghosting. Yes, you heard that right.

Breadcrumbing someone is one of the most horrible things you can do to them. This post is going to discuss why breadcrumbing is worse than ghosting and how to avoid breadcrumbing.

How to avoid getting ‘breadcrumbed’.

If youโ€™re single and looking for love, there’s a good chance you’ve been on the receiving end of some bad dating behavior, like ghosting.

Ghosting is defined as “breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the former partnerโ€™s attempts to reach out or communicate.”

If someone ghosts you, they stop all communication and contact with you without any warning or justification and ignore your attempts to reach out or communicate.

And sadly, this disappearing act has become so commonplace that the word is now applied in many contexts beyond dating (such as the workplace: โ€œThe applicant ghosted the interview and never showed upโ€ฆโ€).

However, as bad as being ghosted is, the new dating trend of ‘breadcrumbing’ may actually be more painful.

Related: 6 Signs Of Emotional Unavailability

What is breadcrumbing?

Breadcrumbing is defined as “the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages (i.e. ‘breadcrumbs’) [โ€ฆ] in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort” giving “just enough attention to keep their hope of a relationship alive.”

We have all been in that place when dating someone, and you arenโ€™t entirely sure of your feelings yet. Thatโ€™s certainly okay. Whatโ€™s not okay is when someone realizes they donโ€™t see a future with you or their feelings arenโ€™t growing deeper, yet they keep stringing you along anyway.

They essentially throw you “breadcrumbs” of romantic interest but never fully commit to a relationship.

So while the person involved isn’t ghosting someone, what they’re doing can cause long-term relationship problems that make you feel like you’re constantly being dragged along, always with just enough of a promise to keep you invested in their relationship, even if they have no intention of making anything more out of it.

So while it’s much easier to understand how to respond to ghosting, learning how to recognize and respond to breadcrumbing can be much more difficult โ€” and painful.

Here are 3 reasons the dating trend of breadcrumbing is even worse than ghosting.

Why breadcrumbing is worse than ghosting

3 Reasons Why Breadcrumbing Is Worse Than Ghosting

1. When you are ghosted, you know itโ€™s over.

You may not understand why things ended, and this ambiguity is a tough pill to swallow. But at least you have your answer. You can mourn the relationshipโ€™s demise or the dream of what the relationship could have been.

When you are breadcrumbed, the flames of hope are still fanned. You may also keep yourself โ€œoff the marketโ€ for no good reason as you arenโ€™t open to meeting anyone else. You continue to invest more and more energy into a relationship that will eventually yield nothing.

2. Being breadcrumbed often involves deception.

Both ghosting and breadcrumbing behavior may be indicative of someone who is very poor at communicating. Both practices may also display a lack of empathy from the person perpetuating them.

But unlike ghosting, it takes a higher level of deception and manipulation to continually keep someone in the game with no intention of real commitment.

Such deceptions can take the form of lies, flattery, or seduction. This person is feigning interest for their own benefit at the expense of yours. You are being used to perhaps boost his ego, get laid, or have a backup option if something else doesnโ€™t work out.

Related: Cookie Jarring, The Latest Dating Trend: 8 Signs You Are A Victim

3. Mixed signals are harder to cope with than no signals.

If you’re ghosted, you do not get any more signs of interest at all. When youโ€™re breadcrumbed, you get mixed messages of interest. These mixed signals may cause you to up the ante on your efforts to keep the relationship going.

Mixed signals also cause more emotional distress. You will wonder whatโ€™s happening and why. You will also continually analyze his actions and what they mean. You’ll feel like you’re going crazy!

Once you know what breadcrumbing is, how can you avoid it?

Here are 3 ways to avoid breadcrumbing as a single looking for love.

3 Things You Can Do to Avoid Breadcrumbing

1. Set the standard from the get-go.

Be honest about what you are looking for and donโ€™t be afraid to stick to it. You donโ€™t have to talk in a demanding or harsh way. You donโ€™t have to freak them out by saying your eggs are rotting or your fantasy wedding is being ruined. Just give a general idea of what you desire for your future.

For example, saying, โ€œI am looking for a long-term relationship,โ€ or โ€œI am not interested in a fling.โ€ If you say it, you should stick to it. Do not be wishy-washy or weak if you have expressed your expectations. Donโ€™t respond to a 2:00 a.m. booty call if you want a real relationship!

2. Communicate directly.

You should effectively communicate by asserting yourself. You can comment on just whatโ€™s happening and why itโ€™s not right for you.

For example, โ€œItโ€™s been two months now, and you never take me out on a Saturday night โ€ฆ whatโ€™s up with that?โ€ or โ€œYou seem to only want to text, but not get together or call me, thatโ€™s not really enough for me.โ€

Itโ€™s even okay to ask them why they’re doing it. Be brave and open up the discussion.

Why breadcrumbing is worse than ghosting

3. Hold them accountable.

For every breadcrumbing-type action, there should be an equal and opposite reaction. There must be a consequence that states that such treatment isnโ€™t okay! For instance, if you donโ€™t hear from him for a week then you get your breadcrumb, donโ€™t take it! Say โ€œnoโ€ to the date.

Itโ€™s okay to say, โ€œI havenโ€™t heard from you all week, so I made other plans.โ€ No long complicated or punitive response is required. Just an appropriate response that matches the action.

Decide how long you want to put up with the breadcrumbs. Give him a fair shot. Give the benefit of the doubt. Give some room for a relationship to slowly develop. But if all you get are breadcrumbs and it doesnโ€™t seem to be evolving anytime soon, decide your limit and stick to it!

Related: 7 MAJOR Signs You Are A Victim Of Pocketing

The quirky slang terms to describe poor dating behavior, such as breadcrumbing and ghosting, are nothing to laugh at if you are on the receiving end of any of them. These interactions can chip away at your self-esteem.

Once you recognize itโ€™s happening, donโ€™t be a victim, stand up for yourself, and donโ€™t accept this kind of behavior from anyone.

Dr. Marni Feuerman* is a licensed psychotherapist and author of Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart about Healthy Relationships available on Amazon and everywhere else books are sold. Sign up for her newsletter to keep in touch and get the latest content on love, dating, and relationships.


Written By Dr. Marni Feuerman
Originally Appeared On Dr. Marni Online
why breadcrumbing is worse than ghosting

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

The โ€œFalse Selfโ€ Of A Narcissist: Look Beyond The Facade!

Hidden Narcissist False Self: Make Believe Traits in Them

The narcissist false self is charming and confident, masking underlying insecurities and emptiness beneath. Let’s find out other secrets they hide!

Narcissists have a false self. Theyโ€™re master illusionists. They behave like a little king or queenโ€Šโ€”โ€Šwhether bragging or sulking. Their whole personality is a charade crafted to deceive you into believing they are confident, superior, self-sufficient, likable, and caring.

In studies, groups of people met with and liked a narcissist, but after 6 more interviews, they discerned the narcissistโ€™s true nature and changed thei



Up Next

When To Leave An Alcoholic Partner? 6 Signs It’s Time For You To Escape

When To Leave An Alcoholic Partner? Warning Signs

Love can be a powerful force that binds two souls together, but there are moments when you must summon the courage to let go. If you’ve found yourself in a relationship with an alcoholic partner, you understand the rollercoaster of emotions and uncertainties that come with it. So, when to leave an alcoholic partner?

It’s not an easy decision to make, but sometimes leaving becomes a necessary step towards healing and finding your own happiness. In this article, we’ll explore seven tell-tale signs that indicate it may be time for you to break free from living with an alcoholic.

So, grab a seat, take a deep brea



Up Next

8 Essential Steps When Dealing With An Angry Partner

How To Deal With An Angry Partner? Important Steps

Wondering how to deal with an angry partner? It can be challenging and emotionally taxing, sparked by disagreements and stress. So, in this guide, we’ll explore constructive ways to help you navigate and defuse tense situations in your relationship.

Being with them is like having to walk on eggshells. One wrong step and BOOM! You’ll be dealing with a mess of emotions that you really don’t want to clean up.

It could be sudden outbursts or just that nasty air they always carry, but it definitely strains the relationship and sucks for everyone involved.

But there is hope. Understanding how to deal with a spouse with anger issues and empathizing goes a long way in trying to resolve these issues.

We have to realize that there’s som



Up Next

7 Signs Someone Is Projecting Onto You: Are You Bearing Someone Else’s Burden?

Signs Someone Is Projecting Their Emotional Baggage On You

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and it felt like they were accusing you of things that didn’t seem like you? It’s as if they’re dumping their own issues on you, leaving you scratching your head, wondering what is happening. Well, this is just one of the many signs someone is projecting their emotional baggage on you.

You’re gradually realizing that you are being blamed for things that’re not your fault at all. You are being accused to be the kind of person you are not. It’s as though they’re running their private movie theater, and you’ve become their projection screen.

But before we get int



Up Next

Toxic Love Books: 7 Books That Can Help You Break Free From Toxic Relationships

Toxic Love Books: Best Books On Toxic Relationships

Are you caught in a bad romance that’s sucking you dry? Are you trapped in a relationship with someone who is anything but kind? Well, you are not alone, my friend. We all have been in toxic relationships at some point or the other, and breaking free from them can be challenging, to say the least. If you’re struggling to leave a relationship like this, then maybe these toxic love books can help you in some way.

These seven amazing books on toxic relationships, will give you strength, help you stay on the right path, and constantly remind you that you deserve better, so much better.

Let’s jump in and check out



Up Next

Toxic Friend Alert: 10 Warning Signs Of An Emotionally Draining Friendship

Shocking Signs Of An Emotionally Draining Friendship

Do you feel exhausted and drained after spending time with a certain friend? Do you feel like setting some strict boundaries around this โ€œfriendโ€? Then it is likely that you are dealing with an emotionally draining friend. Letโ€™s explore the signs of an emotionally draining friendship and how to set boundaries to protect yourself.

Who Are Emotionally Draining Friends?

Emotionally draining friends are individuals who consistently demand excessive emotional support, monopolize conversations with their own issues, an



Up Next

7 Must-Watch Movies About Toxic Relationships And Dysfunctional Romance

Best Movies About Toxic Relationships And Love

As much as some people love a good romcom with a saccharine ending, there’s no denying that we also get enticed when on watching movies about toxic relationships and bizarre ways of falling in love.

From unhealthy attachments to bizarre courtships, toxic love knows no bounds in movies and will always draw in viewers even if it makes them cringe.

Thereโ€™s something about watching fictional couples self-destruct in toxic romance movies thatโ€™s thrilling and sometimes even comforting to audiences โ€” a reminder that love isnโ€™t always pretty or successful.