Addicted to Helping: Why We Feel The Need To Fix Others

Addicted to Helping Why We Feel The Need To Fix Others

“It’s not your job to fix other people. You can’t fix them. You can only change the way you live and the way you respond to life. Decide instead to have all the traits you wish to see in others, then you will generate your own brand of happy.” – Lisa Prosen

If you’re an empath, codependent, or a caregiver, this is for you, so listen up. Are you a person who loves to find wounded people and heal them? Have you ever wondered why you choose wounded people and have the desire to try to fix them?

Part of the reason is the good in you.

You see a broken person and can see who they are to their core. But you have to realize that not everything in life is meant for you to fix. Knowing the difference between when helping someone is a good thing and when helping someone is a bad thing is important.

Let’s take this back to your childhood to help explain why you want to fix others. If you are the person who likes to fix people and you are the person people call when they need help, chances are that when you were growing up, your needs were not always being met. What you needed was often pushed aside. You ended up learning over time that what you wanted or needed came second and the other person’s needs and wants always came first.

Related: Why The Girl Who Fixes People Often Ends Up In Toxic Relationships

You probably also learned that someone showing you love was showing it through them fixing things for you. There was a pattern there that you probably never saw.

Love equals this person buying you things.
Love equals this person taking you places for fun.
Love equals this person doing things for you all the time and never allowing you to do it on your own.

Sound familiar?

A big part of wanting to fix another person is that you deemed what is acceptable and what’s not.

One of the biggest problems with this is not everyone wants to be saved, and not everyone is ready or desires to open a door to their past. Real love is accepting someone for who they are, but remember, that doesn’t mean you should be accepting toxic behaviors. It’s important to find the relationships and friendships that are the right fit for you. Not everyone wants to live the same way you do.

Fix someone
Fix someone

A lot of wanting to fix someone is coming from a good place within yourself

But at the end of the day, it might show someone that you feel they are not good enough if you are always trying to fix them. This is not black and white though.

If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you shouldn’t overlook that and keep moving forward and accepting them for who they are. You can accept them for who they are, but they probably aren’t someone you want in your life. Something that needs to be done is taking people at face value and keeping in mind that they may possibly never change. Pretend that they are who they are forever.

Now if you are codependent, you may want to always save the day because if the other person is not good, you’re not good either. You feel if they are depressed, you are going to feel depressed too, so you take it upon yourself to fix the situation.

It’s important to know when you should offer help and when you should not.

You must always keep in mind that this has nothing to do with you. Of course, you can be there to help but only if and when they want it. If you are codependent as an adult, you have dealt with some abuse or narcissistic behavior in the past. You probably learned to put your stuff on the back-burner, and when you learned that behavior, you also learned that your needs do not matter.

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Stephanie Lyn

Stephanie is a Life and Relationship Coach focusing on healing from narcissistic abuse, codependency, and past wounds. A major part of her teaching is a process called Self-Parenting. This practice is about learning how to become a healthy adult and learning the basic life skills that most of us did not learn growing up. She focuses her attention on teaching the strategies and simple practices to begin reprogramming your inner self. The parts of you that have been damaged from what her clients have experienced throughout their lives. Within her practice she has created a thriving YouTube Channel, Stephanie Lyn Coaching and podcast Heal, Survive, Thrive where people go to learn her teachings and gain the support they need to overcome what they have been through. Stephanie’s philosophies are simple “learn the basic principles you did not learn growing up.”View Author posts