Why You Keep Attracting Toxic People (And How You Can Fix It)

Keep Attracting Toxic People

Do you ever think why you always end up attracting toxic people? Is something wrong with you? Are you sending the wrong messages and vibes? Or do you possess certain qualities that toxic people look for in their victims?

Toxic attraction

We often get frustrated at all the toxic people who are present in our lives as they can significantly affect our mental and emotional health. However, before we can begin to blame others for their toxicity, we need to take a good, hard look at ourselves to understand why we attract them in the first place. We need to realize that our own thoughts, behaviors, and actions are the primary reasons for this toxic attraction. “Who we attract has a lot to do with who we are,” explains author and leadership coach Lolly Daskal.

No. This doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. It simply means you are attracting toxic people due to certain traits which such toxic individuals find specifically alluring and attractive. “Modern dating is no walk in the park, but sometimes, we set ourselves up for failure,” writes HuffPost senior reporter Brittany Wong. She adds “Consider yourself the annoying little pebble in your shoe that’s making the walk all the more unbearable.”

Read also: Shocking Reasons You Keep Attracting Toxic Love

Positivity attracts toxicity

Unfortunately, it is your positive attitude, unique perspective and healthy approach to life that makes you attract the wrong people. Author and spiritual chaplain Cylon George explainsIt might not occur to you that some of your strongest positive attributes may actually be attracting toxic people.

Toxic individuals feel greatly threatened by your positivity and your optimism about life makes you an easy target for them. They believe that by dominating, controlling and bullying you, by taking away your inner peace and happiness they will feel powerful. It helps them to boost their fragile egos and their shattered self-esteem. “The key is not to suppress your positive character strengths, but to educate yourself so toxic people can’t use them against you,” suggests Cylon.

Why you keep attracting toxic people

If you are a magnet for toxic individuals, here are 7 reasons why this happens with you and what you can do about it:

1. You listen and understand others

You are a great listener and toxic people love to be heard. They take this advantage to talk to you about everything and anything just to feel important and wanted. They will talk for hours even if you are not interested and share their negativity with you every time you meet them. As you are an empathetic listener, they will constantly talk about themselves, without hearing your opinions or stories. Cylon adds “You may find yourself unwittingly becoming the target of a conversational bully or narcissist.”

How to deal with it:

Create some healthy boundaries when interacting with toxic people and decide how much time you are willing to spend with them beforehand. Have an exit strategy and use it confidently when your predetermined time is over. Cylon suggests “Limit your conversations with toxic people to no more than a few minutes.

Read also: 8 Deep Questions To Ask Yourself If You Keep Attracting Toxic and Manipulative Partners

2. You are a problem solver

You love fixing things and people. You love to help others heal. And this can be a sure-fire way for attracting toxic people. You have a hard time leaving things alone. You think of yourself as a great problem-solver, but that often means overstepping boundaries and causing havoc in your relationships,” writes Lolly Daskal. Toxic individuals love emotional healers as it is easy for them to take advantage of your compassionate nature and willingness to help others selflessly.

How to deal with it:

You need to learn to let things go. You need to realize that you cannot fix everything and everyone. Being a healer and a fixer can be a great trait to have, but a good rule of thumb is to help only when you’re asked for it. When you put yourself out there and help others willingly out of your good nature, you are only making yourself a target for toxic people.

3. You’re generous

Although generosity may be a trait most of us want to have, it can often be a recipe for attracting toxic people. Narcissists and abusive people will be drawn to you when you cater to their every need and give them the attention they desperately seek. As you keep giving into their demands, they will ask for more and gain control over you. This can make you bitter and resentful.

How to deal with it:

It’s okay to be generous but it is also important to establish healthy boundaries. Learn to decline requests that may be damaging for your own mental and emotional wellbeing. Cylon explains “Generosity without boundaries is a recipe for toxic relationships. To establish healthy and reasonable boundaries, start by becoming aware of your feelings and needs.

Read also: Why Do You Keep Attracting Narcissists and How to Avoid Getting Involved With Them

4. You’re passionate

Toxic people are often attracted towards individuals who are driven and have a certain positive energy that enables them to pursue their dreams. They often feel scared by people who have dreams and are motivated to accomplish them. So they will spread their toxicity and discourage you to keep you from succeeding. “They’ll try to plant seeds of fear and doubt.  And as you begin to make progress, they’ll double down on their strategy,” adds Cylon.

How to deal with it:

Be around people who are as passionate as you are. People who have similar dreams and goals as you and are as motivated as you feel. Surround yourself with positive people and do not share your dreams with close-minded or negative individuals.

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