If you keep finding guys that aren’t good for you, here’s how to stop it.
Narcissistic people are everywhere, but does it seem like you keep finding them all and getting caught in one toxic relationship after another?
If you want to know the rules of attraction that will net you someone without narcissistic behavior or have you noticing signs of a toxic relationship a few short months after you meet a new man, then there are some patterns in your love life you need to pay attention to.
Attraction works simply in love and relationships, and the rules of attraction are this: What you put out into the world you’re going to receive back into your life. Narcissists will show you signs of attraction very early on so that you may not realize it’s a toxic relationship until it’s too late.
But what if there’s a reason you keep falling for these guys?
Does it seem you’re attracting the same type of person — narcissistic or non-committal — or that your relationships have a similar vibe in that you only know how to attract men that are bad for you?
It’s not uncommon for people to notice they always attract addicts, narcissists, or emotionally abusive men. It becomes hard for them to imagine meeting someone different — an appropriate and healthy partner they can thrive within a long and prosperous relationship.
A significant part of figuring out how to change negative patterns is to explore why they keep happening. Next, is to develop a plan of action to do differently.
Looking at the “why” is to help you gain the self-awareness and insight necessary about the reasons you may attract and accept emotionally unavailable and inappropriate partners. Many of the reasons lie with your subconscious mind beneath awareness.
Here are 3 ways to discover why you repeat unhealthy relationship patterns and attract narcissistic or not-good-for-you guys:
1. Explore your early family history.
What was your parent’s marriage like? Do your romantic partners have negative traits of either of your parents? Was there someone consistent and reliable in your life? Do you experience chaos or abuse? As a child, were you given adult responsibilities?
Reflect upon how these early relationships and your family’s communication styles may have influenced your partner choices.
There is often a comfort level or a familiarity about it that feels normal in a romantic relationship even if you know on some conscious level that it is unhealthy or making you unhappy.
2. Discover the themes in your dating and love life.
Write down each significant romantic relationship you’ve had. Include ones that were short but perhaps intense or ones where you were infatuated, but the feelings were not reciprocated.
Include anything you think is important. Write down the general traits of each partner.
Also, think about how each relationship ended. Are there similarities and themes you notice about the relationship or the individual? What does this information tell you?
3. Acknowledge your contribution to the relationship dynamics.
Do you tend to be overly anxious or insecure? Do you create drama or chaos in your life? Do you play the victim role? Might you be sabotaging potential healthy relationships?
You may have traits and behaviors that perpetuate these patterns as well. You should also look at your expectations in relationships, understanding that believing in a perfect union or a “soulmate” will lead to disappointment.
If you only blame your partners, you may not fully understand how you get stuck in the first place.
Insight without behavioral change is useless. Therefore, figuring out how you will act differently once armed with this new information about yourself is a crucial piece.
With that in mind, here are 3 ways you can change unhealthy relationship patterns and attract quality men into your life:
1. Take a positive and cautious approach to dating.
Look at dating as “meeting another human” and nothing else. If there is a spark, that’s great, but you still don’t want to crank up your hopes about this person you just met.