Is Your Woundedness Attracting People Who Are Unhealthy For You?

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Your Wounded Self Might be Attracting Toxic Partners For You

Are you attracting people who turn out to be very controlling or unavailable?

Discover how you are attracting at your common level of woundedness.

I have often stated that we attract each other at our common level of woundedness or our common level of health, and people often ask

 

“What exactly does this mean?”

Our level of woundedness is the level at which we abandon ourselves, while our level of health is the level at which we are loving ourselves. In any given relationship, the way each partner abandons him or herself may be different, but how much they each abandon themselves within the primary relationship is similar.

For example:

Jimmy and Marie meet and are attracted to each other. Jimmy abandons himself through ignoring his own feelings and pulling on others to fill him up with attention, approval, and sex. Marie abandons herself by being a caretaker – tending to others’ feelings while ignoring her own.




Their common level of woundedness is the degree to which they each ignore their own feelings and avoid responsibility for them, along with the degree to which they each turn to various addictive controlling behaviors to attempt to fill the emptiness within that results from their self-abandonment.

A woman who is taking responsibility for her own feelings – who is connected with her spiritual guidance and operates as a loving adult, taking loving action on her own behalf – would not be attracted to Jimmy. She would immediately feel Jimmy’s inner emptiness and neediness, and his energy would feel to her like the repelling end of a magnet.

Likewise, a man who is operating as a loving adult with himself would not be attracted to Marie. Instead he would feel put off by her care taking and the inner neediness from which it stems. He would feel her insecurity, her fears of rejection, and the anxiety that goes along with inner abandonment.

No matter how beautiful Marie is, this man would not be attracted to her frequency, which would be much lower than his.

 

“Why can’t I attract an available partner?”

“Because you are not available to yourself – to taking responsibility for your own feelings. As long as you are abandoning yourself, you will attract someone who is also abandoning themselves, and this self-abandonment may show up as emotional unavailability.”

“But many of my friends are in relationships. How come I’m not?”

“Those of your friends who have really great relationships are people who are taking loving care of themselves and sharing their love with their partners. But I would guess that many of your friends are in codependent relationships – taking and care taking – and if they are not yet having problems, they will likely have them in the future.

Codependent relationships seem to work as long as each partner continues to play their assigned role, but if one of them grows and the other doesn’t, then the system falls apart. This is why 40% of first marriages end in divorce, and the rate is way higher for second and third marriages. And, of the half of first marriages that stay married, many have settled for a distant or conflicted relationship.”




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CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God Dr. Paul's books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages. Dr. Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967. Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world on the phone and on Skype. She is able to access her own and her client's spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public. Margaret Paul, PhD information Anxious, Depressed, Addicted, Empty, Relationship struggles, Inner Bonding - The Power To Heal Yourself! http://www.innerbonding.com