The Victim. I know there are those who do not like that word. They regard it as stigmatising and a hindrance to recovery. One understands such an approach, but nevertheless, it is the appropriate word for those who have encountered our kind in the narcissistic dynamic. What does victim mean?
‘a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action’
There is no denying this would apply to someone who has been ensnared by us.
‘a person who is tricked or duped’
Equally applicable. After all, it is the very essence of our behaviour that we trick or dupe you.
‘a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment’
Accurate again. Of course, not everybody may feel this way, but many will readily recognise it, even if they prefer not to announce it.
Accordingly, these various definitions are valid and accurate to those who have been involved with our kind, be it romantic, social, familial or otherwise.
It remains the case, however, that when it comes to the issue of victimhood and who gets to wear The Victim’s Cloak that once more our kind exhibits our well-known hypocrisy. We regard you as the victim (we have to as this is part of the maintenance of our control and need for superiority) but we also then look to remove that victim status from you.
The various schools of narcissism approach this double standard in differing ways, in respect of how we stamp you with ‘Victim’ but then deny you any use or recognition of it. We both adorn you with the cloak and then remove it in some way.
The Lesser Narcissist
The Lesser treats you as a victim because you are beneath him or her. You are considered useless, in the way and an annoyance and your dithering, inability to second guess the Lesser results in a swift ignition of fury and its manifestation as usually heated fury. You are made to feel the victim, by being lambasted verbally, physically assaulted, sexually assaulted, demeaned, having your property destroyed and seeing others you cared about drawn into the whirlwind.
The Victim’s Cloak is rapidly placed around your shoulders through this treatment of you but then the Lesser immediately rips it away, shreds it and hurls it to one side so you cannot use it. Your victimhood is created through aggressive acts or acts.
However, you are not allowed to retain the mantle of the victim because the Lesser takes the firm view that whatever treatment has been applied against you, well, you deserved it.
“She was back chatting me so she got a slap.”
“He was lousy in bed so I told him how useless he is.”
“The house was a mess, so I smashed it up so she really had something to clean up.”
You are denied the status of the victim because in the mind of the Lesser you brought the treatment on yourself. The fact you deserve it negates the sympathy, compassion and understanding that would ordinarily be afforded to a victim.
“Leave her be, she deserves what she got, quit fussing over her.”
“It’s for his own good, so he will get it right next time.”
“Stop mollycoddling that boy, he has to learn and I am teaching him.”
Of course, this conduct by the Lesser of branding you the victim through your mistreatment and then the wrenching away of your cloak of victimhood is all part of the further control and manipulation. His knee-jerk response will have generated fuel from your reaction to being struck or shouted at, but then, as the victim, you are usually afforded concern, sympathy and help by others.