The 5 Types of Self-Talk Your Brain Likes Best

 / 

,
types of self talk your brain likes

Self-deprecation might keep you grounded sometimes, but your brain also needs different types of self-talk to thrive, and be in a positive space.

Thrive talk instead of survive talk creates greater resilience.

“The language used in telling our personal story affects us. We reflect our mind chatter.”

― Kilroy J. Oldster

One night I got caught in a harrowing blizzard in a remote area of the North Carolina Mountains without snow tires or four-wheel drive. I couldn’t stop or pull off the road, and my car was skidding on ice. Clutching the steering wheel, I had to drive another 30 miles straight up steep treacherous mountain curves.

At first, I heard my judgment’s reprimands, I hope you’re satisfied, dummy. You’ve done it now. Before the harshness escalated, I was aware that my judgment had tangled up with me like a ball of yarn. I took a deep breath, moved into coaching myself with kindness, Okay Bryan, easy does it. You’ve got this. You’re going to be just fine. Just breathe. That’s right, Bryan, just keep it on the road. Awesome job!

There was a time when people who talked to themselves were considered “crazy.” Now, experts consider self-talk to be one of the most effective therapeutic tools available. Obviously, I made it home safely because I’m here to tell the story. I believe I survived because of the way I spoke to myself.

The science of self-talk has shown time and again that how we use self-talk makes a big difference. Negative, survive talk can lead to anxiety and depression. Positive, thrive talk can mitigate dysfunctional mental states and cultivate healthier states of mind.

Here Are The 5 Types Of Self-Talk Your Brain Likes Best

1. Self-Distancing

Research shows silently referring to ourselves by name instead of as “I,” gives us psychological distance from the primitive parts of our brain. It allows us to talk to ourselves the way we might speak to someone else. The survival mind’s story isn’t the only story. And the thrive mind has a chance to shed a different light on the scenario.

The language of separation allows you to process an internal event as if it happened to someone else. First-name self-talk or referring to yourself as “you,” shifts focus away from your primitive brain’s inherent egocentrism. Studies show this practice lowers anxiety, gives us self-control, cultivates wisdom over time, and puts the brakes on the negative voices that restrict possibilities.

University of Michigan psychologist Ethan Kross conducted research into the value of first-name self-talk as a way to disable social anxiety before and after a stressful event when people often ruminate about their performance.

Kross gave 89 participants five minutes to prepare a speech. Half were told to use only pronouns to refer to themselves while the other half were told to use their names.

The pronoun group had greater anxiety with such comments as, “There’s no way I can prepare a speech in five minutes,” while the name group had less anxiety and expressed confidence using self-talk such as, “Bryan, you can do this.” The name group was also rated higher in performance by independent evaluators and was less likely to ruminate after the speech.

Other studies also show that first-name self-talk is more likely to empower you and increase the likelihood that, compared to someone using first-person pronoun self-talk, you see a challenge (thrive mind) instead of a threat (survive mind).

Types of self-talk
Types of self-talk

2. Broaden-And-Build

Like the zoom lens of a camera, Mother Nature hardwired your survival brain for tunnel vision to target a threat. Your heart races, eyes dilate, and breathing escalates to enable you to fight or flee.

As your brain zeroes in, your self-talk makes life-or-death judgments that constrict your ability to see possibilities. Your focus is narrow like the zoom lens of a camera, clouding out the big picture. And over time you build blind spots of negativity without realizing it.

Self-talk through your wide-angle lens allows you to step back from a challenge, look at the big picture, and brainstorm a wide range of possibilities, solutions, opportunities, and choices.

In a study conducted by Dr. Barbara Frederickson at the University of North Carolina, researchers assigned 104 people to one of three groups: Group 1 experienced positive feelings (amusement or serenity), Group 2 negative feelings (anger or fear), and Group 3 no special feelings (neutrality).

Then the researchers said, “Given how you’re feeling, make a list of what you want to do right now.” The positive group had the longest list of possibilities compared to the negative and neutral groups because the positive perspective showcased a range of possibilities.

You have the agency to broaden and build your survival brain’s constrictive “zoom lens” into a “wide-angle lens,” creating a perspective that broadens your range of vision to take in more information and free you from your mind’s limitations.

Related: The Power Of Self-Talk

3. Self-Affirmations

During the 1990s, comedians mocked the notion of self-affirmations with tongue-in-cheek phrases such as, “I’m smart enough” or “I’m good enough.” Al Franken created and performed the fictional character, Stuart Smalley, on Saturday Night Live in a mock self-help show called Daily Affirmations—a psychotherapist’s nightmare.

Years since, otherwise willing clients have steered away from the off-putting idea of self-kindness and positive affirmations. The comedic antics of the 1990s stigmatized the practice with shame and embarrassment, which led the public to disavow the practice.

In 2014, enter Clayton Critcher and David Dunning at the University of California at Berkeley. The psychologists conducted a series of studies showing that positive affirmations function as “cognitive expanders,” bringing a wider perspective to diffuse the brain’s tunnel vision of self-threats.

Their findings show that affirmations help us transcend the zoom-lens mode by engaging the wide-angle lens of the mind. Self-affirmations helped research participants cultivate a long-distance relationship with their judgment voice and see themselves more fully in a broader self-view, bolstering their self-worth.

4. Relationships With Your “Parts”

When you notice you’re in an unpleasant emotional state—such as worry, anger, or frustration—holding these parts of you at arm’s length and observing them impartially as a separate aspect of you, activates your thrive talk (clarity, compassion, calm).

Thinking of them much as you might observe a blemish on your hand allows you to be curious about where they came from. Instead of pushing away, ignoring, or steamrolling over the unpleasant parts, the key is to acknowledge them with something like, “Hello frustration, I see you’re active today.” This simple acknowledgment relaxes the parts so you can face the real hardship—whatever triggered them in the first place.

This psychological distance flips the switches in your survival brain and thrive brain at which point you are calm, clear-minded, compassionate, perform competently, and have more confidence and courage.

Related: 5 Ways Talking To Yourself Helps You, According To Science

5. Self-Compassion

There is a direct link between self-compassion and happiness, well-being, and success. The more self-compassion you have, the greater your emotional arsenal.

Studies from the University of Wisconsin show that meditation cultivates compassion and kindness, affecting brain regions that make you more empathetic to other people. Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), the researchers discovered that positive emotions such as loving-kindness and compassion can be developed in the same way as playing a musical instrument or being proficient in a sport.

The imaging revealed that brain circuits used to detect emotions were dramatically changed in subjects who had extensive practice in compassion meditation.

Other studies show that the expression of empathy has far-reaching effects on your personal and professional lives. Employers who express empathy are more likely to retain employees, amp up productivity, reduce turnover, and create a sense of belonging in the company. If you cultivate the habit of speaking with loving kindness, you change the way your brain fires at the moment.

Types of Self-Talk
Types of Self-Talk

Studies show when abrasive, survive self-talk attacks you, it reduces your chances of rebounding and ultimately success. Instead of coming down hard on yourself, loving-kindness helps you bounce back quicker. Forgiving yourself for previous slip-ups such as procrastination, for example, offsets further procrastination.

A survey of 119 Carleton University students who forgave themselves after procrastinating on the first midterm exam was less likely to delay studying for the second one.

When we talk ourselves off the ledge (as I did in the snowstorm) using self-distancing, compassion, and positive self-talk, we perform better at tasks and recover more quickly from defeat or setbacks—regardless of how dire the circumstances are.

If you want to know more about this topic, then you can buy Bryan Robinson’s book, #Chill at amazon.com, or on his website, bryanrobinsonbooks.com.


Written by Bryan Robinson
Originally Appeared In Psychology Today

Being kind to yourself, and treating yourself in a positive way is key to being confident, and happy. Whenever you are feeling down or stressed out don’t be too hard on yourself, and look towards these types of self-talk. This will help you get out of that negative zone, and overcome the undesirable situation that you are in, in a much better and effective way.

If you want to know more about the importance of positive self-talk, then check this video out below:

Types of Self-Talk
Types SelfTalk Brain Likes Best Pin
types of self talk your brain likes pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

What Is The Scientifically Best Music For Studying? 6 Musical Genres Proven To Boost Study Sessions

Scientifically Best Music For Studying? Six Musical Genres

Picture this: you’re sitting down to tackle a daunting study session, armed with textbooks, notes, and a steaming cup of coffee. But wait, what’s missing? Ah, yes! The perfect playlist to accompany you on this academic journey. Well, let me make this more interesting. Do you know the scientifically best music for studying?

Believe it or not, the right music can do wonders for your focus, motivation, and overall productivity. In this article, we’ll delve into the fascinating world of music and its impact on studying.

Prepare to discover the scientifically best music for studying, as well as some surprising ins



Up Next

Unpacking Parentification Trauma: The Burden of Growing Up Too Soon

What Is Parentification Trauma? Seven Types, Effects and Healing

The excitement of childhood is beautiful, when your biggest worry was whether your favorite cartoon was on TV. Some kids don’t have a childhood as carefree. Parentification trauma becomes a real issue when a child is thrust into the shoes of a grown-up.

The child takes on responsibilities beyond their years. It’s like playing a role in a movie you didn’t audition for. This is the reality for those who’ve experienced the issue – a lesser-known yet impactful challenge that shapes lives in unexpected ways.

What is Parentification Trauma?

It might be your question, though–what is parentification trauma? The trauma occurs when a child is placed in a role that reverses their expected position within the family dynamic.



Up Next

What Is Decision Fatigue? 6 Signs It’s Shutting Down Your Brain

What Is Decision Fatigue? Six Warning Signs Of It

You know those days when you feel completely drained, mentally exhausted, and even the smallest decisions seem like monumental tasks? That’s what is decision fatigue in action.

Maybe you’ve pondered for ages in front of a restaurant menu or struggled to pick an outfit from your closet. Let’s dive in and explore to understand decision fatigue meaning, and see if it’s as real as it sounds.

What Is Decision Fatigue Meaning?

Decision making fatigue is the decline



Up Next

Is Telekinesis Real? Exploring Telekinetic Abilities Meaning, Signs And Strategies To Develop

What Is Telekinesis? Science Behind Telekinetic Abilities: Three Explanations

Have you ever dreamed of moving objects around just with your mind? Though unproven by science, the power of telekinesis has captured the imagination of scientists, psychics and fiction writers for centuries. Let’s take a closer look at what is telekinesis and telekinetic abilities meaning.

What is telekinesis?

Telekinesis meaning: Telekinesis, also known as psychokinesis, refers to the alleged ability to move objects with the power of the mind or willpower, without physical interaction. However, it is not scientifically validated.

Telekinesis, from the Greek wor



Up Next

Spiritual Meaning Of Dreams: 13 Powerful Interpretations

Spiritual Meaning Of Dreams: Powerful Interpretations

Have you ever wondered what your dreams mean? Are you getting any messages through them? And from whom? Read on to understand the spiritual meaning of dreams!

Dream interpretation has long captivated the human imagination, serving as portals to realms beyond our waking reality. From ancient civilizations to modern times, dreams have been regarded as profound sources of insight, inspiration, and guidance.

In this article, we embark on a journey of exploration into the spiritual meaning of dreams, delving into their significance and the valuable messages they may hold for our



Up Next

10 Telltale Signs Of Latent Genius: Discovering Untapped Brilliance

Signs Of Latent Genius: 10 Telltale Signs Of Hidden Genius

In a world that values intelligence and brilliance, the concept of latent genius has always fascinated us. Hidden beneath the surface, many individuals possess an untapped potential that, once discovered, can lead to extraordinary achievements. So, what are the signs of latent genius?

In this article, we will explore ten signs that indicate the presence of latent genius in a person. So, buckle up and get ready to dive into the world of extraordinary minds.

So, who is a latent genius, and what are the signs of latent genius? Let’s find out!



Up Next

Is Being Hangry Real? Science Says There’s A Link Between Hunger And Anger

Being Hangry: Research And Science Says Hanger Is Real

Have you ever felt angry, irritated, cranky, or even furious when you have not eaten for a long time and are really hungry? If your answer is yes, then this is known as being hangry. And the interesting thing is that being hangry is a real thing, and even science has evidence of this.

Key Points

Being hungry can make you feel more irritable and angrier than you otherwise would.

This phenomenon, often referred to as “hanger,” can negatively affect your mood and interactions.

If left unaddressed, hanger can also have implications for your physical health, such as malnutrition.

A driver