What Every Parent Needs to Know to Keep Your Child Safe From Sexual Abuse

Often parents make the mistake of not talking to their children about body safety early enough, but itโ€™s never too soon. Sexual abuse is a risk for everyone, even for a child, and it can happen anytime. Hereโ€™re things every parent needs to know to keep their child safe.

Most parents worry about how to protect their children in a world that sometimes seems so dangerous. As with any other danger, protecting our kids from risk starts with understanding those risks.

For instance, parents often think a discussion about โ€œstranger dangerโ€ is sufficient to protect kids from sexual abuse, but 85 to 90 percent of sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child knows and trusts โ€“ a parent, step-parent, coach, teacher, older cousin or sibling, religious leader, or babysitter (according to Peter A. Levine and Maggie Klein, authors ofย Trauma Proofing your Kids: A Parentโ€™s Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy and Resilience). ย 

A 2011 report found that 34 percent of child sexual abuse offenders are family members of the child (A Reasoned Approach: Reshaping Sex Offender Policy to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse).

We tend to assume children are safe as long as we donโ€™t leave them unsupervised with adults we donโ€™t know well, but a 2000 report by the Criminal Justice Source Statistics found thatย the average age of most sex offenders is 14, so risk exists any time children are left without supervision with another child or a somewhat older child.

That may seem extreme, but in fact, sexual abuse is a risk for every child. Many researchers estimate that one out of four girls and one out of six boys will encounter unwanted sexual touching of some sort before age 18.

Parents often wonder when to begin talking with children about sexual abuse. The answer is that prevention begins with how we talk with our children about their bodies from infancy on. Here are some basic tips to guide you in educating your child to prevent sexual abuse.

Teaching Children Body Safety

Parents Prevent Sexual Abuse info

1. Use a story as a tool to begin a conversation with your child.

Add a couple of the books in the list below to your childโ€™s bookshelf and read them periodically. Use them as a jumping-off point to ask questions to reinforce the message.

2. Teach children the correct terms for their body parts.

Teach children the correct terms for their body parts as soon as they can talk. If a child is touched inappropriately, they need to be able to clearly communicate to you or anyone else in authority about what happened. The correct name also lessens shame around sexuality. Can you imagine if your knee was just referred to as โ€œdown thereโ€?ย 

Read Understanding and Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect

3. Teach your child that the parts that go under a swimsuit โ€” their penis, vulva, vagina, bottom, breasts and nipples โ€” are called their โ€˜private parts.โ€

No one touches their private parts except their parents, or a doctor if the parent is present. They are not to touch anyone elseโ€™s private parts with any part of their body (hand, mouth, etc.)

4. Teach your child that if someone asks to see or touch their private parts

โ€ฆor shows your child their private parts, they must tell you or another trusted adult straightaway. This is true no matter who the person is, including a relative, sitter, or even another child. Just sayย โ€œSometimes mom or dad helps you wipe when you poop, but no one else needs to touch you there. And you can wipe yourself when you pee, so no one, not even mom or dad, needs to touch you there. And now that youโ€™re three, you can wash in the bath, so no one needs to wash you there, either. So if anyoneโ€“anyone at allโ€“asks to see or touch your private parts, you must tell me about it.โ€

5. Ask your child questions to help them mentally rehearse the possible scenarios:

  • โ€œWhat would you do if someone touched you on your _______?โ€
  • โ€œWhy is it important to tell?
  • โ€œWho would you tell?โ€
  • โ€œWhat would you do if the person said it was โ€˜our secretโ€™?โ€
  • โ€œWhat if they made a threat, like they would hurt you or me?โ€

Encourage the child to say they would be brave and tell a parent or a teacher right away because itโ€™s their body.

6. Role-play scenarios.

Experts say that playing โ€œwhat ifโ€ games with kids gives them a chance to rehearse not only their words but their behavior because your presence and the โ€œmake-believeโ€ scenario give them the courage to resist an advance. That programs their subconscious with a script to use if such an encounter should ever happen.

7. Discuss the importance of the rule โ€œno secrets.โ€

Put this rule into practice: If someone, even a grandparent, says something to your child like,ย โ€œIโ€™ll get you an ice cream later, but it will be our secret,โ€ย firmly but politely say,ย โ€œWe donโ€™t do secrets in our family.โ€

Then turn to your child and repeat,ย โ€œSometimes we have surprises, but never secrets. We tell each other everything.โ€

According to Marilyn Van Derbur, author ofย Miss America by Day, โ€œThose who told immediately or very shortly after the abuse and were believed and supported showed relatively few long-term traumatic symptoms. Those who either did not tell (typically due to fear or shame) or who told and encountered a negative, blaming, disbelieving or ridiculing response were classified as extremely traumatized.โ€

Read Ask These 6 Questions Daily To Raise Mentally Strong Kids

8. Raise your child with basic body-safety and consent house rules

Likeย โ€œWe ask people before we touch their bodyโ€ย andย โ€œWhen someone says STOP!, we stop.โ€

9. Encourage your children to tell you about things that happen to them that make them feel scared, sad or uncomfortable.

Listen, reflect feelings, commiserate, hug. If children have an open line of communication, they will be more inclined to alert you to something inappropriate early on.

10. Explicitly discuss with your child that you would never be angry or hold them responsible if someone touches them inappropriately.ย 

When predators groom kids, they tell the child that the parent will punish or stop loving them, if the parent is told about the sexual activity. The child will do anything to keep you from knowing about this because it is better to suffer the abuse than to lose your love. When you read books to your child, discuss the story from the child and parentโ€™s perspective.

Ask how a child feels who has been inappropriately touched. Do they want to tell their parent? Will they? What are they afraid of? How will the parent react? Whose responsibility is it? Will the parent ever blame the child? This is an important discussion to have with kids more than once so they know that you would never blame them.

Read How To Save Children From Narcissistic Abuse and Toxicity

11. Never force children to hug anyone, even relatives.

They need to know theyโ€™re in charge of their own bodies. As one mother wrote on my Facebook page:ย โ€œWe need to allow our kids the right to refuse to hug or kissing anyone they donโ€™t want to, including family. I think many of us were raised to comply with requested affection as kids. When sexual abuse happens, those ingrained behaviors will only serve to paralyze them instead of thwarting the event. (Sadly, I speak from experience on this.)โ€

12. Donโ€™t leave your child with anyone, even your boyfriend, unless you completely trust him.

The good and bad news about abuse is that most of it, statistically, is not perpetrated by strangers. It happens at the hands of family members or the motherโ€™s boyfriend. Almost all the rest is perpetrated by trusted intimates such as coaches, religious leaders, or teachers. Bad news? Yes, these are people your child trusts.

But itโ€™s good news because itโ€™s a risk you can usually avoid if you trust your instincts and pay attention to your child. This is just one of the many reasons that stepparents should never have the responsibility of disciplining their partnerโ€™s children.

Read The Lifelong Effects of Childhood Neglect By Parents

13. Encourage your children to trust their feelings

If something doesnโ€™t feel right, the child should get away as soon as possible and tell you about it. She needs to be told explicitly that it is more important to stay safe and to trust herself than to be polite. It is okay for her to question, disobey, and even run away from someone whose behavior is making her acutely uncomfortable. Predators give signals; your child just needs your support to trust herself in reading them.

Are you ready to save your child from sexual abuse? Did you find the tips useful? Leave a comment below. Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful.

Research:
I've drawn heavily on four sources for this article:
1.Jayneen Sander's articleย Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse. Sanders is the author of the bookย Some Secrets Should Never Be Keptย andย No Means No! Teaching children about personal boundaries, respect and consent; empowering kids by respecting their choices and their right to say'No!'
2. Jill Starishevsky's bookย My Body Belongs to Me. Starishevsky is an Assistant District Attorney in New York City; you can listen to her onย my radio show.
3. Gavin DeBecker's bookย Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane).
4. 'No secret' families help protect children from sexual abuseย by Amy Wright Glenn in the Philly Voice.

Written by: Dr. Laura Markham
Originally appeared on: Ahaparenting.com
Republished with permission. 
Tips Parents Prevent Sexual Abuse pin
Parents Prevent Sexual Abuse pin
Parent Prevent Sexual Abuse pin
Child Safe From Sexual Abuse Pin

Published On:

Last updated on:

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Strictly speaking, burnout is defined as a state of chronic exhaustion that is caused by chronic stress at work. However, many things now feel like work, including our relationships, our health and fitness, our inner development, and our parenting.

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MOM – sheโ€™s the one person you thought would always be there. Her absence doesnโ€™t just leave an empty space at the table, it leaves an emptiness in your heart.

When people talk about losing a mother, they often say, โ€œTime heals all wounds.โ€ But the truth is, this wound becomes part of who you are. Even if you laugh again, even if life goes on, part of you still aches.

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Whether it was said mid-scolding, while packing your lunch, or during an emotional breakdown over spilled milk, funny things moms say somehow become part of your inner monologue.

And letโ€™s be real, these relatable things moms say are basically their own love language. So this Mothers’ Day we are going back in time and reminiscing about these one-liners which are mom humor at it’s finest.

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Theyโ€™re the kind of everyday decisions most people wouldnโ€™t even think twice about, but moms make them without blinking. Because that’s what mothers do, and they don’t have to be flashy about it.

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What Every Parent Needs to Know to Keep Your Child Safe From Sexual Abuse

Written By:

Often parents make the mistake of not talking to their children about body safety early enough, but itโ€™s never too soon. Sexual abuse is a risk for everyone, even for a child, and it can happen anytime. Hereโ€™re things every parent needs to know to keep their child safe.

Most parents worry about how to protect their children in a world that sometimes seems so dangerous. As with any other danger, protecting our kids from risk starts with understanding those risks.

For instance, parents often think a discussion about โ€œstranger dangerโ€ is sufficient to protect kids from sexual abuse, but 85 to 90 percent of sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child knows and trusts โ€“ a parent, step-parent, coach, teacher, older cousin or sibling, religious leader, or babysitter (according to Peter A. Levine and Maggie Klein, authors ofย Trauma Proofing your Kids: A Parentโ€™s Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy and Resilience). ย 

A 2011 report found that 34 percent of child sexual abuse offenders are family members of the child (A Reasoned Approach: Reshaping Sex Offender Policy to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse).

We tend to assume children are safe as long as we donโ€™t leave them unsupervised with adults we donโ€™t know well, but a 2000 report by the Criminal Justice Source Statistics found thatย the average age of most sex offenders is 14, so risk exists any time children are left without supervision with another child or a somewhat older child.

That may seem extreme, but in fact, sexual abuse is a risk for every child. Many researchers estimate that one out of four girls and one out of six boys will encounter unwanted sexual touching of some sort before age 18.

Parents often wonder when to begin talking with children about sexual abuse. The answer is that prevention begins with how we talk with our children about their bodies from infancy on. Here are some basic tips to guide you in educating your child to prevent sexual abuse.

Teaching Children Body Safety

Parents Prevent Sexual Abuse info

1. Use a story as a tool to begin a conversation with your child.

Add a couple of the books in the list below to your childโ€™s bookshelf and read them periodically. Use them as a jumping-off point to ask questions to reinforce the message.

2. Teach children the correct terms for their body parts.

Teach children the correct terms for their body parts as soon as they can talk. If a child is touched inappropriately, they need to be able to clearly communicate to you or anyone else in authority about what happened. The correct name also lessens shame around sexuality. Can you imagine if your knee was just referred to as โ€œdown thereโ€?ย 

Read Understanding and Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect

3. Teach your child that the parts that go under a swimsuit โ€” their penis, vulva, vagina, bottom, breasts and nipples โ€” are called their โ€˜private parts.โ€

No one touches their private parts except their parents, or a doctor if the parent is present. They are not to touch anyone elseโ€™s private parts with any part of their body (hand, mouth, etc.)

4. Teach your child that if someone asks to see or touch their private parts

โ€ฆor shows your child their private parts, they must tell you or another trusted adult straightaway. This is true no matter who the person is, including a relative, sitter, or even another child. Just sayย โ€œSometimes mom or dad helps you wipe when you poop, but no one else needs to touch you there. And you can wipe yourself when you pee, so no one, not even mom or dad, needs to touch you there. And now that youโ€™re three, you can wash in the bath, so no one needs to wash you there, either. So if anyoneโ€“anyone at allโ€“asks to see or touch your private parts, you must tell me about it.โ€

5. Ask your child questions to help them mentally rehearse the possible scenarios:

  • โ€œWhat would you do if someone touched you on your _______?โ€
  • โ€œWhy is it important to tell?
  • โ€œWho would you tell?โ€
  • โ€œWhat would you do if the person said it was โ€˜our secretโ€™?โ€
  • โ€œWhat if they made a threat, like they would hurt you or me?โ€

Encourage the child to say they would be brave and tell a parent or a teacher right away because itโ€™s their body.

6. Role-play scenarios.

Experts say that playing โ€œwhat ifโ€ games with kids gives them a chance to rehearse not only their words but their behavior because your presence and the โ€œmake-believeโ€ scenario give them the courage to resist an advance. That programs their subconscious with a script to use if such an encounter should ever happen.

7. Discuss the importance of the rule โ€œno secrets.โ€

Put this rule into practice: If someone, even a grandparent, says something to your child like,ย โ€œIโ€™ll get you an ice cream later, but it will be our secret,โ€ย firmly but politely say,ย โ€œWe donโ€™t do secrets in our family.โ€

Then turn to your child and repeat,ย โ€œSometimes we have surprises, but never secrets. We tell each other everything.โ€

According to Marilyn Van Derbur, author ofย Miss America by Day, โ€œThose who told immediately or very shortly after the abuse and were believed and supported showed relatively few long-term traumatic symptoms. Those who either did not tell (typically due to fear or shame) or who told and encountered a negative, blaming, disbelieving or ridiculing response were classified as extremely traumatized.โ€

Read Ask These 6 Questions Daily To Raise Mentally Strong Kids

8. Raise your child with basic body-safety and consent house rules

Likeย โ€œWe ask people before we touch their bodyโ€ย andย โ€œWhen someone says STOP!, we stop.โ€

9. Encourage your children to tell you about things that happen to them that make them feel scared, sad or uncomfortable.

Listen, reflect feelings, commiserate, hug. If children have an open line of communication, they will be more inclined to alert you to something inappropriate early on.

10. Explicitly discuss with your child that you would never be angry or hold them responsible if someone touches them inappropriately.ย 

When predators groom kids, they tell the child that the parent will punish or stop loving them, if the parent is told about the sexual activity. The child will do anything to keep you from knowing about this because it is better to suffer the abuse than to lose your love. When you read books to your child, discuss the story from the child and parentโ€™s perspective.

Ask how a child feels who has been inappropriately touched. Do they want to tell their parent? Will they? What are they afraid of? How will the parent react? Whose responsibility is it? Will the parent ever blame the child? This is an important discussion to have with kids more than once so they know that you would never blame them.

Read How To Save Children From Narcissistic Abuse and Toxicity

11. Never force children to hug anyone, even relatives.

They need to know theyโ€™re in charge of their own bodies. As one mother wrote on my Facebook page:ย โ€œWe need to allow our kids the right to refuse to hug or kissing anyone they donโ€™t want to, including family. I think many of us were raised to comply with requested affection as kids. When sexual abuse happens, those ingrained behaviors will only serve to paralyze them instead of thwarting the event. (Sadly, I speak from experience on this.)โ€

12. Donโ€™t leave your child with anyone, even your boyfriend, unless you completely trust him.

The good and bad news about abuse is that most of it, statistically, is not perpetrated by strangers. It happens at the hands of family members or the motherโ€™s boyfriend. Almost all the rest is perpetrated by trusted intimates such as coaches, religious leaders, or teachers. Bad news? Yes, these are people your child trusts.

But itโ€™s good news because itโ€™s a risk you can usually avoid if you trust your instincts and pay attention to your child. This is just one of the many reasons that stepparents should never have the responsibility of disciplining their partnerโ€™s children.

Read The Lifelong Effects of Childhood Neglect By Parents

13. Encourage your children to trust their feelings

If something doesnโ€™t feel right, the child should get away as soon as possible and tell you about it. She needs to be told explicitly that it is more important to stay safe and to trust herself than to be polite. It is okay for her to question, disobey, and even run away from someone whose behavior is making her acutely uncomfortable. Predators give signals; your child just needs your support to trust herself in reading them.

Are you ready to save your child from sexual abuse? Did you find the tips useful? Leave a comment below. Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful.

Research:
I've drawn heavily on four sources for this article:
1.Jayneen Sander's articleย Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse. Sanders is the author of the bookย Some Secrets Should Never Be Keptย andย No Means No! Teaching children about personal boundaries, respect and consent; empowering kids by respecting their choices and their right to say'No!'
2. Jill Starishevsky's bookย My Body Belongs to Me. Starishevsky is an Assistant District Attorney in New York City; you can listen to her onย my radio show.
3. Gavin DeBecker's bookย Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane).
4. 'No secret' families help protect children from sexual abuseย by Amy Wright Glenn in the Philly Voice.

Written by: Dr. Laura Markham
Originally appeared on: Ahaparenting.com
Republished with permission. 
Tips Parents Prevent Sexual Abuse pin
Parents Prevent Sexual Abuse pin
Parent Prevent Sexual Abuse pin
Child Safe From Sexual Abuse Pin

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Parenting Empath Children: You Have Been Assigned A Divine Duty

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Is your child more sensitive than other kids? Do they often feel overwhelmed or drained by external stimuli? Parenting Empath children is not an easy job, but it is highly rewarding and extremely crucial.

What Is The Meaning Of Empathy?

Empathy is  putting yourself in someone else’s shoes; seeing things from their perspective and feeling what they are feeling.

It is the natural ability to understand and grasp the emotions, thoughts, and experiences of another person and genuinely feel what they are going through.

There are three main types of empathy:

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Parental burnout is becoming increasingly common as modern parenting grows more emotionally and time-intensive than ever.

This burnout from parenting doesnโ€™t stem from one source aloneโ€”itโ€™s a complex mix of societal pressure, personal ideals, and the ever-widening gap between expectations and reality.

Strictly speaking, burnout is defined as a state of chronic exhaustion that is caused by chronic stress at work. However, many things now feel like work, including our relationships, our health and fitness, our inner development, and our parenting.

Some of us blame work for our exhaustion, some our personality traits, self-talk, and unhelpful beliefs, and some the state of the world or our domestic situations.

Wha

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Thereโ€™s a certain kind of pain that never really goes away. The loss of a mother isnโ€™t just heartbreaking, it changes everything. Below are some quotes about losing a mother to help you find comfort and to  tell you that youโ€™re not alone in this.

MOM – sheโ€™s the one person you thought would always be there. Her absence doesnโ€™t just leave an empty space at the table, it leaves an emptiness in your heart.

When people talk about losing a mother, they often say, โ€œTime heals all wounds.โ€ But the truth is, this wound becomes part of who you are. Even if you laugh again, even if life goes on, part of you still aches.

You start to understand why so many quotes about losing a mother sound the same, because the

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Whether it was said mid-scolding, while packing your lunch, or during an emotional breakdown over spilled milk, funny things moms say somehow become part of your inner monologue.

And letโ€™s be real, these relatable things moms say are basically their own love language. So this Mothers’ Day we are going back in time and reminiscing about these one-liners which are mom humor at it’s finest.

Here are 6 funny mom-isms that live rent-free in my head even now (I am 32, by the way), and probably yours too.

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There are so many tiny sacrifices moms make on a daily basis that go unseen; these selfless things moms do are quiet, constant acts of love that rarely get acknowledged.

Theyโ€™re the kind of everyday decisions most people wouldnโ€™t even think twice about, but moms make them without blinking. Because that’s what mothers do, and they don’t have to be flashy about it.

A mother’s love shows up in the small things, the ones that add up over time, leaving a mark on her body, mind, and spirit.

So, this Mother’s day, let’s take a moment and appreciate all the selfless things moms fo without complaining, and remind ourselves why mother is hard, but so beautifully powerful.

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Celebrating motherhood, can be complicated for some. Here are 4 truths about Mother’s Day you might not hear about, but that everyone experiences at some point.

If this โ€œholidayโ€ makes you feel isolated, youโ€™re not alone.

Key points

Mother’s Day can be complicatedโ€”especially if your relationship with your mom is painful or absent.

Itโ€™s normal to feel both anger and love toward a parent figure at the same time.

Grief models are lacking when it comes to complex relationships.

Motherโ€™s Day

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The whole world is gearing up to celebrate Mother’s Day 2025, but what if your bond with your mother is not worth celebrating? Itโ€™s challenging to survive motherโ€™s day when you have a toxic mom. But thereโ€™re ways you can cope with those tangled emotions that arise during this time.

Mother’s day can be rough for many people. Thereโ€™re those who are without a child and those whose loving moms are no longer alive to celebrate with them. 

But for those unloved daughters and sons whose moms are a constant source of distress, the second Sunday of May can be a reminder of a childhood they donโ€™t cherish and didnโ€™t deserve.

If you were hurt, ridiculed, neglected, scapegoated, and unloved by you