What Every Parent Needs to Know to Keep Your Child Safe From Sexual Abuse

 / 

,
What Every Parent Needs to Know to Keep Your Child Safe From Sexual Abuse

Often parents make the mistake of not talking to their children about body safety early enough, but it’s never too soon. Sexual abuse is a risk for everyone, even for a child, and it can happen anytime. Hereโ€™re things every parent needs to know to keep their child safe.

Most parents worry about how to protect their children in a world that sometimes seems so dangerous. As with any other danger, protecting our kids from risk starts with understanding those risks.

For instance, parents often think a discussion about “stranger danger” is sufficient to protect kids from sexual abuse, but 85 to 90 percent of sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child knows and trusts โ€“ a parent, step-parent, coach, teacher, older cousin or sibling, religious leader, or babysitter (according to Peter A. Levine and Maggie Klein, authors ofย Trauma Proofing your Kids: A Parentโ€™s Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy and Resilience). ย 

A 2011 report found that 34 percent of child sexual abuse offenders are family members of the child (A Reasoned Approach: Reshaping Sex Offender Policy to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse).

We tend to assume children are safe as long as we don’t leave them unsupervised with adults we don’t know well, but a 2000 report by the Criminal Justice Source Statistics found that the average age of most sex offenders is 14, so risk exists any time children are left without supervision with another child or a somewhat older child.

That may seem extreme, but in fact, sexual abuse is a risk for every child. Many researchers estimate that one out of four girls and one out of six boys will encounter unwanted sexual touching of some sort before age 18.

Parents often wonder when to begin talking with children about sexual abuse. The answer is that prevention begins with how we talk with our children about their bodies from infancy on. Here are some basic tips to guide you in educating your child to prevent sexual abuse.

Teaching Children Body Safety

Parents Prevent Sexual Abuse info

1. Use a story as a tool to begin a conversation with your child.

Add a couple of the books in the list below to your child’s bookshelf and read them periodically. Use them as a jumping-off point to ask questions to reinforce the message.

2. Teach children the correct terms for their body parts.

Teach children the correct terms for their body parts as soon as they can talk. If a child is touched inappropriately, they need to be able to clearly communicate to you or anyone else in authority about what happened. The correct name also lessens shame around sexuality. Can you imagine if your knee was just referred to as “down there”? 

Read Understanding and Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect

3. Teach your child that the parts that go under a swimsuit — their penis, vulva, vagina, bottom, breasts and nipples — are called their โ€˜private parts.”

No one touches their private parts except their parents, or a doctor if the parent is present. They are not to touch anyone else’s private parts with any part of their body (hand, mouth, etc.)

4. Teach your child that if someone asks to see or touch their private parts

…or shows your child their private parts, they must tell you or another trusted adult straightaway. This is true no matter who the person is, including a relative, sitter, or even another child. Just say “Sometimes mom or dad helps you wipe when you poop, but no one else needs to touch you there. And you can wipe yourself when you pee, so no one, not even mom or dad, needs to touch you there. And now that you’re three, you can wash in the bath, so no one needs to wash you there, either. So if anyone–anyone at all–asks to see or touch your private parts, you must tell me about it.”

5. Ask your child questions to help them mentally rehearse the possible scenarios:

  • “What would you do if someone touched you on your _______?”
  • “Why is it important to tell?
  • “Who would you tell?”
  • “What would you do if the person said it was ‘our secret’?”
  • “What if they made a threat, like they would hurt you or me?”

Encourage the child to say they would be brave and tell a parent or a teacher right away because itโ€™s their body.

6. Role-play scenarios.

Experts say that playing “what if” games with kids gives them a chance to rehearse not only their words but their behavior because your presence and the “make-believe” scenario give them the courage to resist an advance. That programs their subconscious with a script to use if such an encounter should ever happen.

7. Discuss the importance of the rule โ€œno secrets.โ€

Put this rule into practice: If someone, even a grandparent, says something to your child like, โ€œIโ€™ll get you an ice cream later, but it will be our secret,โ€ firmly but politely say, โ€œWe donโ€™t do secrets in our family.โ€

Then turn to your child and repeat, โ€œSometimes we have surprises, but never secrets. We tell each other everything.โ€

According to Marilyn Van Derbur, author of Miss America by Day, โ€œThose who told immediately or very shortly after the abuse and were believed and supported showed relatively few long-term traumatic symptoms. Those who either did not tell (typically due to fear or shame) or who told and encountered a negative, blaming, disbelieving or ridiculing response were classified as extremely traumatized.โ€

Read Ask These 6 Questions Daily To Raise Mentally Strong Kids

8. Raise your child with basic body-safety and consent house rules

Like “We ask people before we touch their body” and “When someone says STOP!, we stop.”

9. Encourage your children to tell you about things that happen to them that make them feel scared, sad or uncomfortable.

Listen, reflect feelings, commiserate, hug. If children have an open line of communication, they will be more inclined to alert you to something inappropriate early on.

10. Explicitly discuss with your child that you would never be angry or hold them responsible if someone touches them inappropriately.ย 

When predators groom kids, they tell the child that the parent will punish or stop loving them, if the parent is told about the sexual activity. The child will do anything to keep you from knowing about this because it is better to suffer the abuse than to lose your love. When you read books to your child, discuss the story from the child and parent’s perspective.

Ask how a child feels who has been inappropriately touched. Do they want to tell their parent? Will they? What are they afraid of? How will the parent react? Whose responsibility is it? Will the parent ever blame the child? This is an important discussion to have with kids more than once so they know that you would never blame them.

Read How To Save Children From Narcissistic Abuse and Toxicity

11. Never force children to hug anyone, even relatives.

They need to know they’re in charge of their own bodies. As one mother wrote on my Facebook page: “We need to allow our kids the right to refuse to hug or kissing anyone they don’t want to, including family. I think many of us were raised to comply with requested affection as kids. When sexual abuse happens, those ingrained behaviors will only serve to paralyze them instead of thwarting the event. (Sadly, I speak from experience on this.)”

12. Donโ€™t leave your child with anyone, even your boyfriend, unless you completely trust him.

The good and bad news about abuse is that most of it, statistically, is not perpetrated by strangers. It happens at the hands of family members or the mother’s boyfriend. Almost all the rest is perpetrated by trusted intimates such as coaches, religious leaders, or teachers. Bad news? Yes, these are people your child trusts.

But itโ€™s good news because itโ€™s a risk you can usually avoid if you trust your instincts and pay attention to your child. This is just one of the many reasons that stepparents should never have the responsibility of disciplining their partner’s children.

Read The Lifelong Effects of Childhood Neglect By Parents

13. Encourage your children to trust their feelings

If something doesnโ€™t feel right, the child should get away as soon as possible and tell you about it. She needs to be told explicitly that it is more important to stay safe and to trust herself than to be polite. It is okay for her to question, disobey, and even run away from someone whose behavior is making her acutely uncomfortable. Predators give signals; your child just needs your support to trust herself in reading them.

Are you ready to save your child from sexual abuse? Did you find the tips useful? Leave a comment below. Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful.

Research:
I've drawn heavily on four sources for this article:

1.Jayneen Sander's article Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse. Sanders is the author of the book Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept and No Means No! Teaching children about personal boundaries, respect and consent; empowering kids by respecting their choices and their right to say'No!'

2. Jill Starishevsky's book My Body Belongs to Me. Starishevsky is an Assistant District Attorney in New York City; you can listen to her on my radio show.

3. Gavin DeBecker's book Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane).

4. 'No secret' families help protect children from sexual abuse by Amy Wright Glenn in the Philly Voice.

Written by: Dr. Laura Markham
Originally appeared on: Ahaparenting.com
Republished with permission. 
Tips Parents Prevent Sexual Abuse pin
Parents Prevent Sexual Abuse pin
Parent Prevent Sexual Abuse pin
Child Safe From Sexual Abuse Pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



Up Next

Why Is A Father Figure Important? 6 Ways He Shapes His Daughter’s Life

Why Is A Father Figure Important? 6 Essential Reasons Why

Why is a father figure important? Research shows that a strong relationship with a father figure can have a significant impact on a daughter’s development. Learn the six ways he leaves an indelible mark on his little girl’s life.

You know what they say – a father’s love is like no other. And it’s not just the warm hugs and tender kisses that make it special, but also the invaluable life lessons that he imparts to his daughter.

From boosting her self-assurance to empowering her to stand up for herself, a father can make a profound impact on his little girl’s life.



Up Next

The Impact Of Dads On Daughters: 15 Signs Of Daddy Issues

15 Warning Signs Of Daddy Issues In A Woman

Ever heard the term ‘daddy issues’ and wondered what it means? Well, it’s not just a pop culture buzzword. Signs of daddy issues can manifest in a myriad of ways, affecting how we perceive ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us.

From seeking validation to struggling with trust, these signs can impact both men and women and have roots in our deepest emotional experiences.

Understanding the complex dynamics of daddy issues is important, but it is crucial to approach them with sensitivity and without reinforcing stereotypes.

So, let’s dive in and explore the telltale



Up Next

To Mom, With Love

To Mom With Love feature

“To Mom With Love” is a phrase that encapsulates the deep appreciation and gratitude we feel towards the most important woman in our lives. Whether it is her unwavering love, her tireless dedication, or her selfless sacrifices, a mother’s impact on her children’s lives is immeasurable.

Through personal anecdotes and reflections, we share the lessons we have learned from our mothers, the memories we cherish, and the love that we hold in our hearts. Ultimately, “To Mom With Love” is a celebration of the unconditional love, strength, and wisdom that only a mother can provide.



Up Next

Invaluable Life Lessons I Learned From My Mom

Invaluable Life Lessons I Learned From My Mom

Mothers play a crucial role in shaping our lives, and their guidance can have a profound impact on our personal growth and development. The article also touches on universal themes, such as love, resilience, self-discipline, and perseverance, which are often at the core of a mother’s teachings. Ultimately, “Life Lessons I Learned From My Mom” celebrates the deep and unique bond between mother and child and acknowledges the enduring impact that a mother’s guidance can have on her child’s life.



Up Next

Find Your Animated-Mom Persona: Which Cartoon Mom Are You Most Like?

Which Cartoon Mom Are You? Fun Mother's Day 2023 Quiz

Curious about which cartoon mom are you most like? Are you a boss mom or a cuddly caretaker, there are many out there, find out who your animated-alter ego is now!

This International Mother’s Day 2023, welcome yourself to the world of interesting quizzes that will help you determine your mom personality.

Mothers are often the backbone of a family, providing love, guidance, and su



Up Next

50+ Strong Mom Quotes: Paying Tribute to Your Fierce AF Mom

50+ Strong Mom Quotes: Paying Tribute to Your Fierce AF Mom

There’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child. And for those of us lucky enough to have a strong, fierce, and fearless mom in our lives, we know just how special that bond can be. That’s why for Mother’s Day 2023 we have compiled these 50+ strong mom quotes to honor all mothers out there.

A strong mom is a woman who has faced her fair share of challenges but has always come out on top. She’s a warrior who has fought tooth and nail to provide for her family, to protect her children, and to instill in them the values of resilience, hard work, and determination.

So on this Internati



Up Next

What A Mother Knows Best: 14 Things My Mom Was Completely Right About

What A Mother Knows Best: 14 Cherished Pieces Of Advice

There’s a saying that goes, “A mother knows best,” and it holds a profound truth that resonates in the hearts of many. Whether it’s about life choices, personal values, or everyday habits, there’s often a pearl of undeniable wisdom in the words of our mothers.

This mother’s day 2023, let’s celebrate the unique relationship with our moms – whether she’s our biggest cheerleader or toughest critic, it shapes our and sets expectations for ourselves.

a mother knows best when it comes to her

AI Chatbot Avatar
โš ๏ธ Liza is in training with WMHA and may not always provide the most accurate information.