It is a heartbreaking time for children caught between narcissistic parent and the parent who is trying to protect them. Here’re how to save your children from narcissist.
If there is one thing which will often scupper an attempt to escape our clutches, it is the existence of children.
On the one hand, the existence of children created by you and our kind often results in you continuing to endure the relationship for the sake of the children rather than separate. On the other hand, even if you do decide that it is better to separate than stay with our kind, you are rarely able to truly escape because of the shared connection that exists because of the children.
Even though you wish to escape the roller-coaster existence of being with our kind, as an empathic person you behave fairly and recognize that the children should see their other parent and thus you either make provision or allow for contact to continue between our kind and the children which in turn means that there must inevitably remain contact between you and us.
You may however take the draconian step of deciding that it is in the best interests of the children to have no contact with the narcissistic (although usually you only realize the other parent is abusive rather than narcissistic at this juncture) parent and cut all contact off. This then results in our kind turning to formal means through the courts to establish contact with the child or children again.
Your concerns in respect to the involvement of our kind in the raising of children cover numerous factors.
- You are concerned that our behavior will affect the children so that they in turn become narcissists;
- You are worried that our behavior leads to the children witnessing abusive behavior towards you which will upset the children;
- You are concerned that our behavior will lead to the children not receiving a stable and nurturing upbringing;
- You are worried that the children will be used as pawns between you and us and adversely influence so they are turned against you;
- You are concerned by our failing to provide emotional and financial support which will in turn impact on the children; and
- You are worried that our behaviors will effectively spoil what should be happy moments in childhood.
These, along with others, are legitimate concerns.
It becomes especially difficult for you when you find that you face a battle between doing what is right for a child even though this may clash with what they want.
They want to spend time with us but you see such time as toxic and having an influence on the child (who as a child cannot see or comprehend what is happening) which is at best unhelpful and at worst downright damaging.
How to save your children from narcissist parent?
How do you deal with a situation where you need to do what is right and best for a child, even though they will not see this at the time?
First of all, what must you understand about our (Narcissist parent) attitude towards children and parenting?
How a Narcissist Sees His Children
1. Children are regarded as appliances by us.
There is no distinction made for the fact that they are children nor that we are their parents. We see children as appliances and devices which are an extension of ourselves and therefore there to do our bidding. You should never be under any illusion that a narcissistic parent loves the child. Do not be fooled into thinking that any benign act exhibited by our kind is a manifestation of love towards a child.
2. Children are source of fuel
This pervading mindset means that children will be used in order to gather fuel. This will be done directly by obtaining fuel from them. Initially, this will manifest as wanting to spoil them when we have time with them so that their positive responses to this will provide us with positive fuel. We will upset, anger, and frustrate children, in addition, to draw negative fuel as and when it is deemed appropriate.