Have you ever been asked “Why are you so quiet?” Most of the time extroverts fail to understand why the quiet introvert loves their alone time. Why they would rather think and write than talk aloud.
Being a quiet introvert is normal
Being an introvert, I hate it when someone asks why I’m so quiet. There is nothing wrong with being quiet. My quiet nature makes me more observant, thoughtful, and in tune with my inner world. In fact, researchers have found that around one third to one-half of the population are introverts. Although not all introverts are quiet, most introverted people tend to possess traits that make them avoid small talk and be more meditative and relaxed.
Yet the quiet introvert is wildly misunderstood by the extrovert. Education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig say “It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert.” and that’s the main problem. As extroverts dominate the public and social life with their endless fervour for attention and socializing, introverts are seen as “social misfits”. In our extrovert-dominated society, being a “people person” is considered to be a compliment. Where extroverts are seen as vibrant, confident and warm, introverts are mistaken as arrogant, reserved, and private. Introverts are considered to have a small personality.
Read also: Why I’m Being Quiet At The Moment – Inside An Introvert’s Mind
However, that is far from the truth. The quiet introvert has a rich and profound inner world that extroverts will never understand. Young author Lotus Kay writes “Just like anything else, when you’re different from the typical person, people are going to call you out on it. And at times ignorantly. But something I’ve learned… is that what other people say does not redefine who you are.”
The problem with silence
Introverts love silence. Introverts love the calming silence of the mind, heart and nature. This is perhaps the reason why the quiet introvert feels at home when they are out in nature. It feeds our soul. It empowers our spirit and enables us to explore our inner selves and the intricate world that resides within us. But the same is not applicable for extroverts. Extroversion and silence don’t go together.
Read also: Reasons Why The Quiet Ones Have the Strongest Minds
Michaela Chung, a bestselling author and comedian, writes “Many people can’t stand silence. Empty air space is something that is unfamiliar and unwelcome for them. They immediately seek to fill it with their own voice.” And it is out of this discomfort, they become desperate and say meaningless and absurd things like “Why are you so quiet?”
But they need to realize that “telling an introvert she is quiet is like telling the sky it’s blue: you’ll be pointing out the obvious and you’re not likely to get a response,” adds Michaela.
Why the quiet introvert doesn’t talk
One of the main reasons for that is most introverts simply hate small talk. The fact is, small talk is to an introvert what Kryptonite is to Superman. Just like the Kryptonite drains Superman of all his powers, talking unnecessarily drains introverts of their energy. “Whether you call it chit-chat, banter or chatter, small talk has the same troubling effect on introverts. It pushes us to the edges of a room. It is the reason we are reluctant to meet new people,” adds Michaela Chung.
Read also: Why Introverts Absolutely Hate Small Talk
But it’s not just about small talk. There is another more prominent reason why the quiet introvert prefers to stay silent. It’s the people. It’s the people with loud voices and louder personalities. Michaela writes “I also wish that I could tell them the REAL reason why I am so quiet at that particular moment. Sure, sometimes it’s because I’m tired, or I feel like daydreaming, but other times THEY are the reason for my sealed lips.”
People can either inspire you to talk or they can leave you fully drained. And the truth is, most of the time, people who ask introverts why they talk so less or tell them to speak up are the same people who are inherently loud, incapable of being thoughtful, fail to appreciate the beauty of silence and do not possess any listening skills. It is their overpowering and loud energy which makes the introvert want to stay quiet. “None of the introverts I know will battle their way into a conversation. Myself included,” adds Michaela.
The quiet introvert can easily read the energy of the loud extrovert. When we realize that people are not truly interested in listening to what we have to say, we don’t take the effort to speak up. We would rather have an engaging conversation with ourselves than take part in a one-way conversation with them.’
5 more reasons why introverts don’t talk
Now that you have a clear idea why the introvert doesn’t talk, let’s take a look at some other reasons why the quiet introvert stays silent and doesn’t bother talking to loud extroverts, according to pastor, author and coach Ron Edmondson:
1. Everyone is talking
When everyone else is being loud and trying their best to get their opinions through, then introverts will choose to stay quiet. Introverts don’t like fighting for their chance to talk or talking over others just to get heard. The introvert will calmly wait for their turn to speak or rather not share at all.
Read also: 6 Reasons Why Introverts Absolutely Hate Talking On The Phone
2. Being rushed to respond
When an extrovert pushes an introvert to come up with an answer or react immediately, then the introvert will choose to stay quiet instead. As introverts, we need time to think our answers through after processing the available information. This is why an introvert takes time to respond. And if you’re in a hurry to get an answer, then the quiet introvert will prefer not to share anything at all.
3. Too many people around
When the room is filled with too many people and most of them are loud extroverts, then the introvert will gladly step back and allow others to talk their heart out. Introverts are usually good listeners. We would rather listen to an important conversation rather than interrupt and talk just to say something smart. Ron Edmondson explains “If introverts are easily outnumbered they are usually silenced. You can sometimes solve this by breaking larger groups into smaller groups.”
Read also: 7 Things All Quiet People Will Understand
4. Nothing to share
Sometimes the quiet introvert just might not have anything to say at all. It may not be their favorite subject or may be they don’t know much about the topic. Introverts prefer to listen and learn than just talk for the sake of making conversation. Introverted people are not known to talk about topics they know less about, unlike most extroverts. Ron adds “Their words are typically based on thoughts they’ve processed longer, so if it’s a new subject, they may still be processing internally.”
5. Too uncomfortable
When an introvert is put in an uncomfortable position, they wouldn’t prefer to be much vocal. Making an introvert the center of attention is not the best idea. Seeking attention is not something an introvert usually does. When they are given space, introverts can speak logically and intelligently.
“The myth is that introverts are always silent. Not true. And, it’s not that they have nothing to say. They simply want to be prepared before they share what’s on their mind. The more advance notice you give them the better,” explains author Ron Edmondson.
Read aslo: The Quiet Ones: People Who Talk Less Really Are Smarter
Solitude is back in fashion
Introverts value privacy, peace, creativity and quiet. Simply because the quiet introvert prefers solitude and silence doesn’t mean they are social misfits or lack social skills. The need now is for extroverts to make a stronger effort to understand introverts. It’s time for society to bring about a cultural revolution where introverts are appreciated for being quiet instead of being asked why they are not talking. A society where it’s alright for the introvert to enjoy solitude and silence without feeling pressured to talk unnecessarily.
Psychology professor Margarita Azmitia explains “We need to build our cultural understanding that we don’t have to be social all the time. Parents can help their children understand that being alone isn’t bad. It doesn’t mean nobody likes you.”
If you truly want an introvert to talk, make an effort to build a connection with them. And they will welcome you to their fascinating inner world of imagination and wonder.
Read also: The Power of Solitude: How To Get In Touch With Your Inner Quiet
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do shy people remain quiet?
Shy and quiet cannot be used interchangeably. A shy person is usually timid or nervous around others and thus remains quiet, while a confident person may dislike talking a lot.
Are quiet people construed as dangerous?
Quiet people keep their thoughts to themselves and don’t overtly express their emotions. This might be the reason their nature sometimes gets misinterpreted as dangerous.
Does staying in your house for a long time make you a quiet person?
A quiet person may or may not like to stay home for a long time, however, it’s highly unlikely that staying at home, especially involuntarily will make one a quiet person.
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