The Quiet Introvert: 5 Reasons Why An Introvert Isn’t Talking

 / 

Why An Introvert Isnt Talking

Have you ever been asked “Why are you so quiet?Most of the time extroverts fail to understand why the quiet introvert loves their alone time. Why they would rather think and write than talk aloud.

Being a quiet introvert is normal

Being an introvert, I hate it when someone asks why I’m so quiet. There is nothing wrong with being quiet. My quiet nature makes me more observant, thoughtful, and in tune with my inner world. In fact, researchers have found that around one third to one-half of the population are introverts. Although not all introverts are quiet, most introverted people tend to possess traits that make them avoid small talk and be more meditative and relaxed.

Yet the quiet introvert is wildly misunderstood by the extrovert. Education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig say “It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert.” and that’s the main problem. As extroverts dominate the public and social life with their endless fervour for attention and socializing, introverts are seen as “social misfits”. In our extrovert-dominated society, being a “people person” is considered to be a compliment. Where extroverts are seen as vibrant, confident and warm, introverts are mistaken as arrogant, reserved, and private. Introverts are considered to have a small personality.

Read also: Why I’m Being Quiet At The Moment – Inside An Introvert’s Mind

However, that is far from the truth. The quiet introvert has a rich and profound inner world that extroverts will never understand. Young author Lotus Kay writesJust like anything else, when you’re different from the typical person, people are going to call you out on it. And at times ignorantly. But something I’ve learned…  is that what other people say does not redefine who you are.

The problem with silence

Introverts love silence. Introverts love the calming silence of the mind, heart and nature. This is perhaps the reason why the quiet introvert feels at home when they are out in nature. It feeds our soul. It empowers our spirit and enables us to explore our inner selves and the intricate world that resides within us. But the same is not applicable for extroverts. Extroversion and silence don’t go together.

Read also: Reasons Why The Quiet Ones Have the Strongest Minds

Michaela Chung, a bestselling author and comedian, writesMany people can’t stand silence. Empty air space is something that is unfamiliar and unwelcome for them. They immediately seek to fill it with their own voice.” And it is out of this discomfort, they become desperate and say meaningless and absurd things like “Why are you so quiet?

But they need to realize that “telling an introvert she is quiet is like telling the sky it’s blue: you’ll be pointing out the obvious and you’re not likely to get a response,” adds Michaela.

Why the quiet introvert doesn’t talk

One of the main reasons for that is most introverts simply hate small talk. The fact is, small talk is to an introvert what Kryptonite is to Superman. Just like the Kryptonite drains Superman of all his powers, talking unnecessarily drains introverts of their energy. “Whether you call it chit-chat, banter or chatter, small talk has the same troubling effect on introverts.  It pushes us to the edges of a room.  It is the reason we are reluctant to meet new people,” adds Michaela Chung.

Read also: Why Introverts Absolutely Hate Small Talk

But it’s not just about small talk. There is another more prominent reason why the quiet introvert prefers to stay silent. It’s the people. It’s the people with loud voices and louder personalities. Michaela writes “I also wish that I could tell them the REAL reason why I am so quiet at that particular moment.  Sure, sometimes it’s because I’m tired, or I feel like daydreaming, but other times THEY are the reason for my sealed lips.”

People can either inspire you to talk or they can leave you fully drained. And the truth is, most of the time, people who ask introverts why they talk so less or tell them to speak up are the same people who are inherently loud, incapable of being thoughtful, fail to appreciate the beauty of silence and do not possess any listening skills. It is their overpowering and loud energy which makes the introvert want to stay quiet. None of the introverts I know will battle their way into a conversation. Myself included,” adds Michaela.

The quiet introvert can easily read the energy of the loud extrovert. When we realize that people are not truly interested in listening to what we have to say, we don’t take the effort to speak up. We would rather have an engaging conversation with ourselves than take part in a one-way conversation with them.’

5 more reasons why introverts don’t talk

Now that you have a clear idea why the introvert doesn’t talk, let’s take a look at some other reasons why the quiet introvert stays silent and doesn’t bother talking to loud extroverts, according to pastor, author and coach Ron Edmondson:

1. Everyone is talking

When everyone else is being loud and trying their best to get their opinions through, then introverts will choose to stay quiet. Introverts don’t like fighting for their chance to talk or talking over others just to get heard. The introvert will calmly wait for their turn to speak or rather not share at all.

Read also: 6 Reasons Why Introverts Absolutely Hate Talking On The Phone

2. Being rushed to respond

When an extrovert pushes an introvert to come up with an answer or react immediately, then the introvert will choose to stay quiet instead. As introverts, we need time to think our answers through after processing the available information. This is why an introvert takes time to respond. And if you’re in a hurry to get an answer, then the quiet introvert will prefer not to share anything at all.

3. Too many people around

When the room is filled with too many people and most of them are loud extroverts, then the introvert will gladly step back and allow others to talk their heart out. Introverts are usually good listeners. We would rather listen to an important conversation rather than interrupt and talk just to say something smart. Ron Edmondson explains “If introverts are easily outnumbered they are usually silenced. You can sometimes solve this by breaking larger groups into smaller groups.”

Read also: 7 Things All Quiet People Will Understand

4. Nothing to share

Sometimes the quiet introvert just might not have anything to say at all. It may not be their favorite subject or may be they don’t know much about the topic. Introverts prefer to listen and learn than just talk for the sake of making conversation. Introverted people are not known to talk about topics they know less about, unlike most extroverts. Ron adds “Their words are typically based on thoughts they’ve processed longer, so if it’s a new subject, they may still be processing internally.”

5. Too uncomfortable

When an introvert is put in an uncomfortable position, they wouldn’t prefer to be much vocal. Making an introvert the center of attention is not the best idea. Seeking attention is not something an introvert usually does. When they are given space, introverts can speak logically and intelligently.

The myth is that introverts are always silent. Not true. And, it’s not that they have nothing to say. They simply want to be prepared before they share what’s on their mind. The more advance notice you give them the better,” explains author Ron Edmondson.

Read aslo: The Quiet Ones: People Who Talk Less Really Are Smarter

Solitude is back in fashion

Introverts value privacy, peace, creativity and quiet. Simply because the quiet introvert prefers solitude and silence doesn’t mean they are social misfits or lack social skills. The need now is for extroverts to make a stronger effort to understand introverts. It’s time for society to bring about a cultural revolution where introverts are appreciated for being quiet instead of being asked why they are not talking. A society where it’s alright for the introvert to enjoy solitude and silence without feeling pressured to talk unnecessarily.

Psychology professor Margarita Azmitia explainsWe need to build our cultural understanding that we don’t have to be social all the time. Parents can help their children understand that being alone isn’t bad. It doesn’t mean nobody likes you.”

If you truly want an introvert to talk, make an effort to build a connection with them. And they will welcome you to their fascinating inner world of imagination and wonder.

Read also: The Power of Solitude: How To Get In Touch With Your Inner Quiet


Frequently Asked Questions

Why do shy people remain quiet?

Shy and quiet cannot be used interchangeably. A shy person is usually timid or nervous around others and thus remains quiet, while a confident person may dislike talking a lot.

Are quiet people construed as dangerous?

Quiet people keep their thoughts to themselves and don’t overtly express their emotions. This might be the reason their nature sometimes gets misinterpreted as dangerous.

Does staying in your house for a long time make you a quiet person?

A quiet person may or may not like to stay home for a long time, however, it’s highly unlikely that staying at home, especially involuntarily will make one a quiet person.

Why An Introvert Isnt Talking Pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Response

  1. Ann Lansdowne Avatar
    Ann Lansdowne

    It’s wonderful that there are more blogs and articles about being an introvert today. I grew up with an extrovert mother, an introvert father and 2 introvert brothers. We moved a lot since the folks were missionaries so I learned to adapt to various cultures and people.(I always felt pushed to be more outgoing, in order to be liked) It wasn’t until I was parenting in a blended family that I came across a book on how to better parent various children (introverts & extroverts) and then I was able to understand my needs better. I have 4 children, the youngest being the only extrovert. But she is also a skilled receptive listener, always has been. I’m glad that I was able to honor each of my introvert children’s way of being and validate and guide them on how best to interact with the world and meet their needs. They are now 23, 27, 30 & 33.

Leave a Reply



Up Next

“Why Do I Hate Talking On The Phone?”: 7 Signs You Might Be Dealing With Phone Anxiety

Why Do I Hate Talking On The Phone? Signs Of Phone Anxiety

Do you ever find yourself rolling your eyes and letting out an exasperated sigh when your phone starts ringing or buzzing? Do you feel dread at the mere thought of having to make or receive a phone call and try to find out how to avoid talking on the phone? If you’ve ever said these words to yourself, “Why do I hate talking on the phone?” with frustration, you’re not alone.

There are many people out there who feel the same as you, and hate talking on the phone. And it turns out, there’s a very valid reason behind feeling this way, and that’s phone anxiety.

Today, we are going to talk about phone anxiety and the signs you hate talking on the phone, so that the frequency of you asking “why do I hate talking on the phone” lessens. So, are you ready to know more about this? Let’s get started, then.



Up Next

How To Make An Introvert Miss You? 9 Simple But Thoughtful Things You Can Do

How To Make An Introvert Miss You? Charming Things To Do

If you are curious about the mysterious world of introverts and are wondering how to make an introvert miss you, then you have come to the right place, my friend. Today we are going to talk about how to tug at an introvert’s heartstrings and make them want to be with you.

Picture this: you’re sitting at home, wondering how to capture the attention of that introverted friend or crush. You want them to miss you and yearn for your presence just like you do. So, today I’m going to be your wing woman in navigating the art of captivating introverts.

Ready to know more about how to make an introvert miss you and some of the profound signs an introvert misses you? Let’s get started, then.

Related:



Up Next

The 8 Most Introverted MBTI Personality Types: Ranked From Most To Least

Most Introverted MBTI Personality Types: Most To Least

The MBTI personality types have always intrigued people, especially introverted people (I know because I am one!). Today we are going to talk about the most introverted MBTI personality types, and better still, we are going to rank them as per their level of introversion.

Let’s explore the most introverted personality types in the MBTI universe, and find out the secrets of these introverted people who find peace within their own selves and who flourish in their quiet worlds. Let’s get started, shall we?

Related:



Up Next

Supercharge Your Social Energy: The Ultimate Guide On How To Recharge Social Battery

Pro Tips On How To Recharge Social Battery And Revitalize

Do you find yourself mentally and emotionally drained after being around people, even if you like them? Do you often feel the need to rejuvenate yourself by spending some time alone? This happens when your ‘social battery’ is running low. What is a social battery and how to recharge social battery? Let’s find out.

What does Social Battery Actually Mean?

The idea of social battery refers to an individual’s ability to engage socially



Up Next

Why Introvert Extrovert Couples Make Great Parents: 8 Compelling Reasons

Reasons Introvert Extrovert Couples Make Great Parents

You know why introvert extrovert couples make great parents? They’re the perfect combination of yin and yang. Introvert extrovert couples work really well because where one person lacks, the other makes up in spades. And this approach reflects in their parenting skills as well. They have different ways of looking at things, and they give the best of both worlds to their children.

In this article, we are going to explore some of the major reasons why introvert extrovert couples make a powerful team when it comes to the battle of parenting their children.

So, if you are someone who is in an introvert and extrov



Up Next

The Introvert’s Guide To Confidence: How To Be A Confident Introvert

How To Be A Confident Introvert: A Step Guide

A confident introvert? Is that even a thing? Aren’t introverts supposed to be shy and meek? Well, no! Introverts can be highly confident, it’s just that the confidence introverts have is very different from that of extroverts. While they may still be shy and socially awkward, introverts can still be immensely confident in their abilities and skills. 

If you are an introvert, I am sure you have often preferred the solitude of being alone in the corner of a room than seeking attention in a party or in large crowds. I am sure you have felt misunderstood as people confused your peaceful and reserved nature for shyness or lack of confidence.

This is the story of most introverts. But does that mean introverts aren’t typically confident? Can introverts be confident? And how to be a confident introvert? We are going to explore all that a



Up Next

5 Reasons Why Introverts Go To Bed Early While Extroverts Stay Up

Reasons Why Introverts Go To Bed Early (Even If They're Not Sleepy)

Do you ever feel like the best part of your day is slipping into those comfy sheets early? Well, you’re not alone! Explore the five reasons behind why introverts go to bed early.

I know I’m not alone on this but bedtime isn’t just sleep for introverts. It’s the escape from a world of complete chaos. And diving into an early night isn’t something we regret — it’s a sweet haven that we secretly enjoy.

Sleeping early is a foreign concept to extroverts. The idea of it is ridiculous. “Why would I ever want to sleep so early when there’s always so much stuff going on?” They know that sleep is necessary, but they don’t want to get any.