The One Thing Any Couple Can Do for Better Connection and Intimacy

 / 

The One Thing Any Couple Can Do for Better Connection and Intimacy

Try this one technique for a better connection and intimacy with your partner.

If love were enough, all couples would be happy. The simple truth is relationships take work.

Most of us are willing to spend hours perfecting a skill or talent, yet we expect ourselves to be Masters of Relationships with little effort.

I had the honor of teaching the Gottman Method through a research study that was created to help low-income married couples with children.

During that time, I witnessed how John and Julie Gottman’s work can help any couple, regardless of who they are or where they’re at in their relationship.

One of the first things I ask my clients is whether or not they’re willing to do the work to improve their relationship with their partner.

Almost anything is possible when both people are committed to change.

My favorite tool in the Gottman toolkit is a simple exercise that rekindles the romance and connection necessary to get a marriage back on track.

This exercise worked wonders for Sandra and David.

When they first came to see me,

their number one complaint was feeling like “they didn’t know each other anymore.”

After being married for ten years and having three children, their marriage had undergone some serious changes. Their lives were hectic.

David worked long hours and Sandra, who stayed at home with the children, was exhausted at the end of the day. There was little time or energy left for their marriage. Over the years they grew apart.

They felt like strangers, not lovers.

Love Maps: a path to connection

In our first session

I explained Dr. Gottman’s concept of building “Love Maps.”

Simply ,

Put a Love Map is the map we create in our own head of our partner’s inner world – their dreams, hopes, fears, likes, dislikes, and everything else we can gather.

If you’ve ever used Google Maps, you know that having a GPS system is really helpful when navigating a city.

In the same vein, we also know that cities are constantly under construction.

Try returning to your hometown 10 years later and you’ll discover that the roads have changed and your favorite corner store or restaurant is gone.

Just like a good GPS system must be constantly updated to work properly, we must also update our Love Maps of our partner if we want to continue to feel connected throughout the course of our relationship.

In fact, Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that couples with detailed Love Maps have stronger relationships.

Build a Love Map of your partner

To enhance your Love Maps, first make a list of some facts you know about your partner. I don’t mean age, height, or weight, but the meatier stuff: their hopes, dreams, likes, and dislikes.

These could be facts such as:

  • I know the name my partner’s best friends.
  • I know what stresses my partner is currently facing.
  • I know my partner’s basic philosophy on life.

Take the Love Map Questionnaire to get an idea of how well you know your partner’s inner world.

From that list, create a list of questions you don’t know about your partner. Ask your partner to do the same.

When you’re both finished, talk about your Love Maps.

How up-to-date are they? What’s changed? Are there any surprises?

Be sure to ask and answer the questions on both your lists. Remember: no judgment. The purpose of this exercise is to reestablish a connection, not to blame your partner for what he/she doesn’t know.

In my work with Sandra and David, building Love Maps helped them learn new information about each other that brought them closer together.

Once reconnected, they were able to more easily understand each other. When they both felt heard, understood and loved, their issues no longer seemed so difficult to deal with and were soon resolved.

If building a Love Map seems like taking the long way toward resolving your relationship issues,

consider this:

when we’re stuck in traffic and the most direct route isn’t working,

taking the back roads is usually faster, more scenic,

and ultimately gets us where we want to go.

With a little work and a willingness to learn a new skill, Sandra and David put their relationship back on track. You can do it, too.

Listen to Luis Congdon’s interview with Dr. John and Julie Gottman on the ThrivingLaunch Podcast.

Follow this to boost up romance and intimacy in your relationship.


By Luis Congdon

You may also like:

 Couple Can Do for Better Connection and Intimacy

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

9 Tactics To Trigger The Hero Instinct In A Man

Hero Instinct In A Man: Ways To Trigger Their Inner Hero

Do you know there’s a hero instinct in every man? If you want to unlock that side of your man then you have come to the right place. Today, we are going to talk about how to trigger the hero instinct in a man, and do it the right way.

From understanding their innate drive to protect and provide, to unraveling the mysteries of their emotional landscape, we will explore what is the hero instinct, and what does hero instinct in relationships look like.

So, ready to know more about this side to men? Let’s go then.

Related: How To Make Your Man Happy: 25+ Last Minute Gift Ideas For Him



Up Next

This Viral ‘Bird Test’ Can Predict If Your Relationship Will Last

Unique Bird Test: Can Your Romantic Relationship Pass It?

The “bird test” is a viral TikTok trend and it is a unique way of assessing reciprocation in relationships. So, are you ready to validate (or expose) your relationship? Let’s go!

As users evaluate their significant others with the “orange peel theory” — which measures how willing they are to do small favors for you — another concept has taken hold of the platform recently: the bird test relationship.

So, What Is The Bird Test For Relationships?



Up Next

How To Know If Someone Is Thinking Of You? 10 Psychological Signs

How To Know If Someone Is Thinking Of You? Psychic Signs

Have you ever had that weird feeling that someone is thinking about you, even when they’re not with you? It feels like a whisper in the back of your mind, a subtle but undeniable connection that transcends the physical distance between you two. So then how to know if someone is thinking of you, for sure?

The interesting thing is that, in this curious world of human psychology, there can be many fascinating and psychological signs someone is thinking of you; all you have to do is know what they are.

So, are you ready to do a deep dive into the world of mind-reading (well, sort of). Let’s explore 10 psychological signs someone is thinking of you.

Related:



Up Next

6 Minutes To Improve Your Relationship: How To Have Better Communication With Your Partner

Minutes To Improve Your Relationship?

If you are thinking about how to improve your relationship, then you have come to the right place. How to better communicate with your partner? Communication is crucial to building a healthy relationship, and this article is going to talk about that. Let’s explore how to have better communication with your partner.

KEY POINTS

The three keys to communication are speaking openly, listening empathically, and reflecting back.

We usually skip reflection, so the speaker does not know if they have been heard.

A simple practice of reflection can build this skill.

Does your par



Up Next

6 Key Psychological Truths About Dating Apps

Key Psychological Truths About Dating Apps

Online dating, dating apps, dating sites – all of these things have taken the world by storm and has made dating easier than before. Or has it? This article is going to delve deep into not just the world of online dating and dating sites, but will also talk about the psychological truths about dating apps.

As recently as 15 years ago, internet dating was popularly seen as — to put it delicately — something for losers. Sites like Match, JDate, and eHarmony were in their infancy; the whole idea of finding a partner on the Internet hadn’t really transcended its origins in the personals section of the newspaper.

But with the rise of the smartphone and GPS technology, online dating has lost this stigma and ballooned into a multi-billion-dollar industry. Nowadays, you can treat your cell phone like an all-day singles bar, swiping on Tinder



Up Next

6 Unconventional Relationship Choices That May Seem Weird, But They Do Work

Unconventional Relationship Choices That Actually Work

Unconventional relationship choices, huh? They’re like the hidden gems of the dating world, the rebels of romance, the quirks that keep love alive. Even though traditional relationships have their own appeal and charm, sometimes it’s the unconventional that brings some excitement into our lives.

From open relationships to living apart together, these relationship choices may be frowned upon, but for many people, these are the relationship choices that work the best for them. To each his own, you know.

Such non traditional relationships go against what most people think is normal, however, they show us that l



Up Next

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

Research Backed Relationship Remedies

When it comes to dealing with relationship problems, science can prove to be really helpful and can provide you with some substantial research-backed relationship remedies. This article is going to talk about some of the most effective and useful relationship remedies that can make a huge difference to your relationship.

You may think these should go without saying, but in my personal and professional experience, they have not.

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

1. Be Quick to Repair Injury

One day, my wife sensed my odd vibe, I didn’t like her asking, and it gr