Having insecurity as a permanent part of your relationship can be damaging, and no matter how hard you try, it will end up destroying it for good. Insecurity is not always black and white and easy to understand, and that is why you need to look out for signs that you are dating an insecure man.
Many of us have dealt with shitty boyfriends in the past who were overconfident and too vain to really care about anyone else. This makes any kind of change welcome.
And so, when you finally meet a nice guy who always brings you flowers, takes you out on nice dates, doesn’t take his eyes off you the whole time and who keeps reminding you that he doesn’t really deserve you, you’re swept off your feet.
You think you might have a future together but soon enough, this kind of care and love turns into something like a crazed infatuation where his possessive actions become overwhelming. His company starts feeling exhausting, suffocating, and in fact scary.
Here Are 15 Warning Signs You Are Dating An Insecure Man
1. He doesn’t have a life outside the relationship.
He doesn’t talk about his coworkers and his own friends and you’re the only person he chills with. Besides his job, he doesn’t pursue any other activity, except being with you or just dreaming about you when he is alone. It’s like the only thing he is ever interested in doing is being with you, and you also have no other option other than being with him all the time.
It is important to have your own life outside of your relationship, and if your man does not have that, it’s a huge red flag, and you should not ignore it or take it lightly.
2. He believes you are not over your previous relationship.
For no reason at all, he firmly believes that you still love your ex, no matter how long it’s been since your break up and no matter how much you try to convince him that you have moved on for good. The only feelings you might have for your ex might be hatred, disinterest, loathing, or anger, but your current partner will never believe you, and will constantly fixate on his insecurities.
He’s too insecure to believe you can fully care for him so he concludes that you still care for your past lover.
Related: 3 Mind Games Insecure Men Play In Relationships
3. He falls for you very quickly.
As soon as you’ve gone on a couple of dates, he is ready to tell you that he is head over heels in love with you, and you are the one he is meant to spend his life with. Initially, you might think that this is adorable but soon enough you’ll realize that the intensity he claims is bizarre because you barely know each other.
When someone tells you “I love you”, just after a few dates, then it’s one of the biggest red flags that you should reconsider taking things further with that person.
4. He is scarily intense with his feelings.
He is convinced that nothing means more to him than you. You are the reason for his continued existence. You are the center of his universe. You are the apple of his eye. And if you are not there in his life, there’s no point living it. Get the gist? Having strong feelings for someone, and wanting them to be a part of your life is okay, but this kind of scary intensity is not.
You might feel warm and fuzzy about this in the beginning but the sheer burden of his feelings will get to you at some point as he will completely depend on you to keep him stable.
5. He always needs affirmations of his feelings.
An insecure man has very little confidence in himself so he’ll keep asking you if you love him and will be desperate for any sort of appreciation. An insecure man will always depend on his partner to make him feel good about himself, and will not stop unless he gets an unhealthy amount of emotional validation.
But even when you tell him that you love him or try to compliment him, he won’t accept that you mean what you say. He will think that you are trying to flatter him and just making him happy.
6. He’s extremely possessive of you.
You hanging out with friends or colleagues, especially men, can set him off. He’ll keep messaging or calling to see what you’re up to when he is not there. He will constantly think that you are up to something shady behind his back, and will doubt you, no matter how hard you may try to convince him.
You might be pleased with the attention at first but it will soon become annoying as you won’t be able to spend time with the people who make you happy.
7. He blackmails you.
He’ll constantly try to make you prove your loyalty to him by pretending to end the relationship. He’ll go on about how he doesn’t feel like you truly care for him or want him. An insecure man will never be happy, no matter how much you do for him and the relationship; he will always ask you to prove your love for him.
He’s hoping that you will be manipulated into pleading with him to not leave; he is simply looking for validation and testing your love for him, and is not actually planning on breaking off the relationship at all. It’s like a sick game, in which you are the victim.
Related: Most Confident To Most Insecure: Zodiac Signs Ranked!
8. He constantly complains about his exes.
All his stories about his old relationships will be about how none of his partners actually cared about him. He’ll say that they simply used him and then dumped him when someone better came along. You will notice how in every relationship, he was always the victim and was completely innocent.
Take all these stories with a grain of salt otherwise, you might stay with him just because you pity him. When you are dating an insecure man, you need to understand very quickly, whether you are with him because you love him, or because you feel sorry for him.
9. He keeps checking your updates online.
The moment you put something up on any of your social media accounts, he knows. This is because he is always stalking you online, and constantly keeps an eye on your social media activity.
And god forbid you to put up something without telling him about it first or put up a post with someone with the opposite sex; he will go ballistic. This becomes quite ominous and tiring after a while.
10. He tries to find out what you are up to all the time.
If you’re texting, he’ll try to stand behind you and read what you’re typing. He might try to casually find out who it is or he’ll just bluntly order you to let him check your phone. There won’t be anything called privacy in the relationship, and if you refuse to participate in this, all hell will break loose.
You could just be watching funny cat videos but he’ll always be suspicious that you’re keeping some secrets, and you are doing something bad behind his back.
11. His lavish affection is overwhelming.
Initially, you will feel amazing when he will shower you with expensive gifts and constant attention. He will go out of his way to make you feel like a queen, but after a point, all this will get tiring, and overwhelming. The very things that made you happy, will make you feel superficial and suffocated in the relationship.
You will be forced to wonder whether he truly loves you or if he’s just trying to bribe you with gifts into staying with him. Is it actually true love, or some plain old manipulation?
12. He always thinks you are cheating on him.
He’s made the craziest accusations about you carrying on affairs with everyone from a random salesperson to a colleague because he fully believes that you could do much better than him. He will always take the most meaningless things and twist them into something malicious and accuse you of betraying him.
In reality, he is simply insecure about himself and thinks that he is not good enough for you, and it’s simply a matter of time when you will dump him for someone better.
13. He wants to be with you all the time.
You initially feel flattered that as soon you leave, he’ll send a message telling you how much he wishes you were back with him. We all like to feel needed but this can get annoying fast.
He’ll want you with him all the time even if you have important work to do. He’ll even make you feel bad just for taking time out to do your job or hang out with friends and family. He will always want you around him and will expect you to not have a life outside of the relationship.
14. He depends on you for his happiness.
While it is important to be in tune with your partner’s needs, he will just be too needy. As long as you’re relaxed and in a good enough mood to constantly validate him, he will be happy. He will always be looking for emotional validation, and constant appreciation to feel good about himself, but after a point, all this will become too exhausting for you.
If you are busy and stressed, he’ll just fall apart, and will never consider the fact that you might also need some support; it will almost always be about him and his needs. You’ll always feel like you need to be happy just for him.
Related: How To Stop Feeling Insecure In A Relationship
15. He cannot handle being told that he is wrong.
Even if you mean well when you criticize him, he will take it too seriously. He is already insecure and your criticism will only make him feel that he was right about himself. An insecure man when confronted will try to pin all the blame on you and will try to deviate from his responsibilities and faults.
If you try to address any issues you might have, he’ll just end up blaming it all on you, and act as if you are ambushing him and hurting him. Complicating things and manipulating situations in their favor is something insecure men know very well.
So, if you see all these signs, or most of these signs in the man you are dating, then end it before it’s too late.
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