When I was 18, I thought I had met the man I was going to marry.
By the time I was 22, I was ready to move on and see what else the world had to offer me.
At 25, I started to question every decision with every man I’d ever dated.
I questioned my decision to break up with my first love. I questioned who I should be dating. I was unsure of how to heal my wounds and find true happiness in a relationship. I stumbled and faltered and fell down quite a bit.
At almost 29 years of age, I married my soul mate. It’s not the end of the journey, but the beginning of one.
Getting to that point was a process, a learning experience, and an adventure.
Sometimes I felt very lost along the way. However, in hindsight, there was a definite path.
Even when I first met my husband, I wasn’t ready for him. There were steps I had to take for myself, by myself, to prepare for that really awesome love.
So, if you desire that big love you know you deserve and are feeling a little lost along the way, I hope these steps will help. They did for me.
1. Ditch the list.
If you’re anything like I was, you may have written down or noted in the back of your head a list of superficial qualities your soul mate will have. Mine was something like “must be over six feet tall, have dark shaggy hair, light eyes, drive a nice car, funny, etc.” I’m not sure if I was listing qualities I even really cared about or emulating a magazine ad. It’s one thing to know what’s important to you in a relationship or to meet someone with similar values, but do yourself a favor and ditch the laundry list of traits.
2. Know your core desired feelings.
This section will help clarify why I recommended you ditch the list. Rather than superficial qualities, decide how you want to feel in a relationship. Is it special? Safe? Admired? Intellectually stimulated? Sexy?
When I first met my husband, he didn’t meet my whole list of traits I thought he must have. And at first, I used this to make every excuse as to why it wouldn’t work. But then one day, we connected on a much deeper level and all of those excuses came crumbling down. He made me feel the way I wanted to feel. Decide on four to six core desired feelings that are a must for you in a relationship.
3. Be your own boyfriend (or girlfriend).
Once you are clear on the feelings you desire, be your own boyfriend or girlfriend. Meaning, if you want to feel sexy, think of ways that you can make yourself feel sexy now. If you want to feel cherished, think of ways to cherish yourself. Buy yourself flowers, take a long bath, hit the gym, play hooky and go to the beach. Do whatever it takes to feel really good about your life right now. When you’re already feeling those feelings, you’ll attract the right partner to you.
4. Get real.
Get real with yourself and the life you want to live. Be authentic. Stop living the life you thought you’re supposed to live, or someone else’s version of happiness for you. You are unique and you have unique talents, qualities, and desires. Lead with your soul and explore where it’s telling you to go.
5. Put your affairs in order.
What areas of your life could use a little spring cleaning? Rather than hoping someone will walk into your life and save you, start saving yourself. If your finances are a disaster, take steps or get help to put them in order. If your house is a mess, start cleaning and organizing. Simplify your life. Declutter wherever possible. Move on from toxic relationships that you know aren’t serving you.