How You Can Rebuild Your Marriage and Bring Back Love
Was your marriage happier before than it is now? Problems in a marriage are pretty normal. But you need to focus on fixing these problems instead of ignoring them. A marriage can develop cracks for many reasons like deceitfulness, broken promises, substance abuse, and infidelity. But with conscious efforts, you can rebuild a marriage, restore trust and find happiness once again.
“The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” – Julia Child
It’s Never Too Late To Have a Happy Marriage
The idea of work is so embedded in our beliefs about relationships that we rarely, if ever, question these assumptions when we hear them in conversation or read them in self-help books. Might there be some benefit to taking a closer look at this notion? Perhaps. As my grandmother used to say, “it couldn’t hoit”.
One of the first things that we may notice when we begin to examine our beliefs about work and relationships is that we often aren’t exactly sure what the “work” of relationships really is, and consequently tend to default to our associations with the word “work” in our efforts to better understand the concept.
When you think of “work” if you are like most people the associations that you have are not likely to be especially thrilling or even particularly pleasant. The American Heritage Dictionary defines ‘work’ as “the exertion of physical or mental effort or activity directed toward the production of something.”
Synonyms for work include labor, exertion, travail, drudgery, trouble, chore, and toil. “Toil” a word frequently associated with work means “to proceed to make one’s way with difficulty or pain. To labor continuously and strenuously.” Phew! Is it any wonder that most of us have a certain degree of resistance to the notion of embracing work as a path to anything?
So if you have any confusion or mixed feelings and thoughts about doing your relationship work, it’s with good reason, and you’re not alone.
Yet the desire for loving relationships and the pain of living without them can be strong enough motivators to provoke efforts on our part to confront our confusion, challenge the odds and overcome our resistance, persistent though it may be.
The question, however, still remains, what exactly IS this “work” that relationships require? In confronting this question it becomes obvious that paradoxically, doing “the work” often requires us to redirect our attention away from our relationship, and focus instead on ourselves, sometimes even to the extent of running the risk of losing the relationship itself. Barry and Maya found this out the hard way.
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin
Together for over twenty years, Barry and Maya were living in what both of them characterized as a marriage in name only. They paid the bills, took care of their two sons, maintained the home, kept enough food on the table and in the refrigerator, and fulfilled all of the external conditions of family life. The problem was that the heart of their marriage was dying from neglect. That is until Maya out of desperation, loneliness, and exhaustion did the one thing that made it impossible for either of them to continue to ignore the pain in which they were both livings. She had an affair.
Maya: “I was vulnerable to an affair because I was so hungry for a deep emotional connection. I finally felt fully alive for the first time in years. It was like coming back from the dead. I really didn’t want to end my marriage with Barry, I just wanted to join the living again.”
Maya and Barry had always been honest with each other and so she told him about the affair.