Do you know some of the crucial things you should let go of if you are looking to have a happy and stable marriage with your spouse?
Marriage is a beautiful thing, and if you manage to navigate through all the good times and the bad times, then it can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. However, you need to forego a few things to ensure that you have a happy marriage.
Here are 15 Things You Should Let Go For A Happy Marriage
1. Stop having unrealistic expectations.
One of the very first things you should give up to have a happy marriage is unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations are one of the many reasons when it comes to failed marriages. If you think that your marriage is going to be a fairy tale that they show in movies, then you will be in for a lot of disappointment. Everything is not going to fall into place magically, both of you will have to put it there.
If you want to have happiness, passion, intimacy, companionship, and trust in your marriage, you have to add it. Marriage takes a lot of work, and that means you will have to put in some effort into it every day. Unless you and your spouse work towards making things smooth and harmonious, nothing else can.
Are expectations threatening to ruin your marriage? Read Unmet Expectations: 5 Ways It Is Ruining Your Relationship
2. Never try to control your partner.
When you decide to get married, you promise to love your spouse forever. So, why try to control them? People are made to be loved, not controlled. If you control your spouse too much, it will create a lot of bitterness and resentment in them about you.
Instead of trying to control them and mold them into who you want them to be, simply accept them for who they are. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your spouse is to make them feel that they are perfect the way they are.
3. Over-possessiveness is never good.
A little bit of possessiveness towards your spouse can be a sweet thing. It means that you are scared of losing them. But there is a difference between being possessive and obsessive possessive.
No matter how long you two have been together and no matter if you are married and have 10 children together or not, don’t think that you possess your spouse. They are not your property. Make sure that your partner has some room to breathe, and trust them. This will also make your spouse love you more, and appreciate your value in their lives.
4. Don’t be overly critical.
Nobody likes excessive criticism, and that includes your spouse too. Give up the need to criticize every little thing your partner does or doesn’t do, and instead start appreciating those many things that made you fall in love with this person in the first place.
Yes, you might not like everything your spouse does, and that is okay. But, criticizing them for every little thing is not the way to go. Keep in mind that you attract more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.
5. Don’t try to fix your partner.
Marriage is not about fixing your spouse, it is about loving, caring and supporting one another. If you are constantly trying to fix or change your partner, you will end up turning into a control freak.
It is not your responsibility to fix or save your spouse. They are grownups at the end of the day. Instead of trying to fix your spouse focus on growing, improving and evolving together instead. This will help you go a long way in ensuring that your marriage lasts.
Do you accept your spouse as they are? Read Unconditional Love: It’s About Accepting Your Partner The Way They Are never trying to change them
6. Jealousy is a strict no-no.
Jealousy is something that never fares well in a marriage, and rightly so. It is an extremely negative emotion that has the potential to even destroy the strongest of marriages. If you give in to your insecurity and jealousy every time, you will be doing irreparable damage to your marriage.
Instead of feeling jealous, talk openly to your spouse about the things that bother you. Talk it out and try to solve it together. If you don’t like that female colleague, then tell him. Hear what he has to say about it. Transparency will always help you in building a strong marriage.
7. Your fear shouldn’t rule over you.
If you are constantly scared of cheating on one another, or falling out of love or having your present relationship become as toxic and so on, then when are you going to enjoy the good things that come with marriage?
Do not let your fears take away your chance of having an amazing marriage. Yes, the future is unpredictable but that does not mean you will ruin your present by constantly being scared of it. If something does go wrong, both you and your spouse will work together and resolve it.
8. Stop chasing perfection.
What screws us up the most is this idea we have in our heads about how relationships should be like and how our partners should behave. No human being is perfect, so why are you expecting your spouse to be so?
Instead of praising, loving and appreciating each other and nurturing your marriage, you end up wasting your precious time and energy seeking perfection, in yourself and your spouse. There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, simply because there’s no such thing as perfect people. Both you and your spouse are imperfect, and that is what makes you perfect for each other.
9. Give up on playing the blame game.
Even though this might sound harsh, it is not your spouse’s responsibility to make you feel all the feelings that you don’t. It’s not your spouse’s job to make you feel happy, loved and whole when you yourself feel unhappy, unworthy and incomplete.
Stop blaming your partner for every little thing that goes wrong in your life, and start being accountable for your own mistakes. Don’t think of him as your teacher, parent, and therapist, who will leave everything and spend all his time solving your problems. He has his own life to live too.
10. Stop fighting all the time.
Remember the initial days when both of you started dating each other? Remember how beautifully and nicely you spoke to one another? Back then you didn’t care whether you were right all the time or not. You never let your ego come between you both, and always tried to solve your problems with love and understanding.
So why change now? Give up the need to always be right and choose to be kind, loving and supportive instead. Fighting constantly won’t save your marriage, only love and support will.
Are you fighting too much with your spouse? Read 10 Dumb Relationship Issues To Stop Fighting About For A Happy Marriage
11. Never live your life according to your spouse.
It’s true that relationships require compromise but when you compromise too often, but if you start living your life according to your spouse’s expectations, you risk losing yourself in the process.
This leads to you feeling frustrated, depleted, bitter and extremely unhappy. Compromise when needed but not so much that you lose your sense of self. Balance is key, and there is room for both your and partner’s needs in your marriage.
12. Don’t be too clingy.
There is a thin line between being romantic and being clingy. Expecting your partner to always spend time with you, and constantly focus on what you need, is unhealthy. Wanting to spend some quality time with your partner is absolutely normal, but pressuring him to always be with you is not.
Take the “pressure” off of your partner’s shoulders and put it on your shoulders instead. Seek to become the provider of your own physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Be the reason for your own happiness.
13. Never ask for more, when you are not doing the same.
If you believe that your marriage will give you way more than what you are giving to it, then you are in for a massive shock. Expecting your spouse to give you everything you want, but you not doing the same might potentially lead to a divorce.
Work towards making your marriage an equal one, where both of you are investing equally in it.
14. Get rid of your emotional baggage
The past is in the past, and no matter how much you obsess over it, it can’t be changed. It is unfair for you to hold on to the emotional baggage from your past, and expect your spouse to magically get rid of it.
Only you can move on from your past, and deal with your emotional baggage; no one else can. So, instead of piling it all up on your spouse and expecting him to understand everything, fix it yourself.
Does your past still affect you and your marriage? Read How To Find Happiness By Living In The Present Moment
15. Focus on love, not attachment
There is a huge difference between love and attachment. Attachment comes from a place of fear, whereas love is kind, pure and selfless.
Love is a healthy emotion that is ready to detach itself and let go of the relationship when it becomes toxic for both the people. Attachment, on the other hand, loves to hold onto toxicity, constantly feeding on the suffering and pain of people.
Marriage can sometimes be a tough thing to deal with, but if you have a lot of understanding and love between you and your spouse, you will be able to deal with all the obstacles that might come your way. As long as you try to give up on the things mentioned above, be rest assured that you will have a happy marriage.
If you want to know more about the things that you should give up to have a happy marriage, then check out this video below: