Are you feeling like roommates in a marriage? You know, that sinking feeling when you realize the spark has fizzled, and your relationship has become more about paying bills and coordinating schedules than love and connection.
The thing is, roommate syndrome is more common than you think, and many couples face this, after being together for a long time. When you are in the roommate phase of a relationship, you might ask yourself why and when the romance disappeared or if you’re both just pretending to be happy.
But that might not be the case. In this article, we are going to look at what is roommate syndrome, the signs of roommate syndrome, and how to deal with roommate syndrome, so that you stop feeling like roommates in a marriage.
So, let’s get started, shall we?
Related: 3 Psychological Secrets To Bring Back Love In A Relationship
What Is Roommate Syndrome?
Roommate syndrome is a term used to describe the state of a marriage or long-term relationship where the couple feels more like roommates than romantic partners. It’s like you are spending your life together, and living under the same roof, but emotional closeness and intimacy has vanished.
For example, suppose you and your spouse come home from work, but instead of spending some time together, you choose to have your dinners separately, and then retreat to your own corners of the house, engrossed in individual activities.
Another example of roommate syndrome can be that you no longer feel the need to connect emotionally nor do you make an effort to share your feelings with one another. Rather you discuss mundane topics like what to buy at the grocery store and which errands to run.
Now that we know what is roommate syndrome, let’s find out a few signs of the roommate phase of a relationship.
Feeling Like Roommates In A Marriage? 7 Glaring Signs Of Roommate Syndrome
1. You don’t care enough to fight anymore.
You have become so indifferent towards each other that you don’t even care to argue anymore. Both of you tend to brush your problems under the rug, because you feel that it’s a waste of time and energy to even talk about it.
Avoiding confrontation is a way of maintaining peace, and is a major sign you’re feeling like roommates in a marriage. The occasional arguments between spouses is important for developing understanding, however, it is absent in marriages like this.
2. You have forgotten what emotional intimacy feels like.
Just like physical intimacy can make or break a relationship, emotional intimacy can quietly disintegrate a relationship, and before you realize what’s happening, it’s too late. Talking to each other about your feelings is a way of creating a safe environment and fostering security.
However when you are in the roommate phase of a relationship, emotional intimacy is almost non-existent. You never confide in each other, and you just exist in the same space, that’s all. This lack of emotional intimacy can also lead to physical, emotional and even financial infidelity too.
3. You are not a priority for each other anymore.
When your job, friends and other things start to feel more important than your spouse, that’s when you know it’s roommate syndrome. You are always on your own, and you prefer to do everything without them.
You have stopped treating them like your life partner, instead they’ve become more like your sibling or friend. In such a situation, it’s important for you to focus your energy bringing back that spark in your relationship, otherwise you will lose it completely, and there’ll be no turning back.
Related: 9 Things Genuinely Happy Couples Do To Stay Connected and In Love Forever
4. You spend most of your time in separate rooms.
Are there times when you watch TV alone in the living room, and instead of joining you and spending some time together, he chooses to sit in the bedroom hooked to his laptop? If you answered yes, then this is a huge sign of roommate syndrome.
Even though it’s healthy to spend some time alone, always being distant from one another is not a good sign; that’s how roommates behave, not two people who are in love. Living like strangers under one roof can mean trouble for your relationship or marriage.
5. You are attracted to someone else.
If you don’t find your spouse or partner attractive anymore, and you would rather look at someone else from that point of view, then that’s really concerning. You are feeling attracted to someone else in the first place, because the connection you had with your spouse is slowly fading away.
In other words, you’re falling out of love with them, and you’re crushing on someone and are tempted to chase those feelings. Now the question is what would you rather do? Try to fix your marriage, or give up on it and cheat on your partner? The choice is on you.
6. You have become extremely financially independent.
Being financially independent is good, but taking it to extreme levels is not. If you behave like business partners with each other, instead of husband and wife, then maybe you should take a step back and try to understand what’s happening.
If you are constantly calculating what both of you spent and then divvy it up, then that’s not normal. Married couples are normally not so calculative with their expenses, and sometimes one partner might spend more than the other and vice versa. But not in your case.
7. You never have sex anymore or even if you do, it feels like a chore.
Sex plays a very important part in building a healthy relationship or marriage. It’s a way to bond with each other. If there is a severe lack of physical intimacy, then sad to say, your relationship is doomed.
And even if you do have sex sometimes, it feels like a chore, it feels like you’re doing it just for sake of doing it. Both of you feel uncomfortable and both of you wait for it to get over. This is one of the saddest parts of the roommate phase of a relationship.
Related: 10 Signs Your Relationship Is Gradually Falling Apart
How To Deal With Roommate Syndrome?
If you are thinking about how to deal with roommate syndrome and bring the spark back in your marriage, then give a try to these strategies.
- Schedule regular “date nights” to prioritize quality time together: Get creative and plan activities that you both enjoy, whether it’s trying out a new restaurant, going for a hike, or having a cozy movie night at home.
- Break the routine by surprising each other with thoughtful gestures of love and appreciation: It could be leaving a sweet note on the bathroom mirror or cooking your partner’s favorite meal unexpectedly.
- Communicate openly and honestly about your feelings: Share your concerns and desires, and encourage your spouse to do the same. Remember, you’re a team, and addressing the issue together is crucial.
- Spice up your sex life: Try new things, explore your wildest fantasies, or simply give some effort to prioritize intimacy. Don’t be afraid to show your partner that you still desire them, and want to feel closer to them.
- Rediscover shared interests and hobbies: Find an activity that you both enjoy and make time for it regularly. It could be taking a dance class, playing a sport, or even doing puzzles together.
- Prioritize self-care: Take proper care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally. When you feel good about yourself, it can have a positive impact on your relationship. Also, encourage your spouse to do the same.
- Plan trips or getaways together: How to deal with roommate syndrome? Whether it’s a weekend road trip or a dream vacation, explore new places and create lasting memories. Breaking away from your daily routine can help rekindle the spark.
- Have meaningful, deep conversations: This is one of the best things you can do to deal with roommate syndrome. Have deep conversations with each other about your dreams, goals, fears, and aspirations.
- Bring back the humor and playfulness into your relationship: Share inside jokes, and don’t be afraid to be silly together. Laughter is an extremely powerful tool that can bring you closer.
- Seek therapy if nothing seems to work out: If you’ve tried everything and are still struggling to deal with roommate syndrome, then consider couples therapy. A therapist can to help you rebuild your relationship and reconnect with each other
Bottomline
Even though roommate syndrome is a common challenge faced by many couples, be it married or unmarried, it doesn’t have to be the end of the road. Remember, it takes effort and open communication, but with love and commitment, you can transform your relationship from roommates to soulmates once again.
Related: 12 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Love You Anymore
Do you think you are in the roommate phase of a relationship? Are you constantly feeling like roommates in a marriage? Do let us know your thoughts in the comments down below!
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