Happily Married Men Reveal 21 Secrets For A Happy Marriage


Happily Married Men Reveal 21 Secrets For A Happy Marriage

These are goooood.

It’s hard to imagine that any one of us has never wondered how it’s possible to have a truly happy marriage. I know I’ve heard women talk about it constantly, but when I think about it, I’ve seldom heard men, let alone married men, discuss this particular dilemma of modern love.

Sometimes I find myself looking at couples of a certain age walking down the street, holding hands and chirping to each other happily, and ask myself “What’s their secret?”

Because let’s be real, it doesn’t take much experience in the world of love and dating to understand just how hard having a successful marriage is for pretty much everyone.

I mean, even as an idea, the whole concept of marriage is kind of insane. You agree that you will be intimate with one person and one person only until one of you dies. I have had boyfriends I’ve wanted to kill when we’ve spent more than an hour together. A lifetime of marriage? Yeah, I don’t think so.

It’s not like I don’t know those good marriages can and do happen all the time!

I come from parents who have been happily and successfully married for well over 30 years, so I’ve seen it with my own eyes. But here’s the thing about relationships like theirs — we don’t hear a lot about them, at least, not from the people inside of them, because people in the happy marriage don’t have many issues they feel the need to take to their friends or co-workers for dissection or advice.

And when you do hear people talk about the keys for success to a happy marriage, it’s usually the female half of the couple speaking. After all, our society basically expects it to be every woman’s job to be the one responsible for any and all conversing that has to take place about love, communication, and intimacy.

While it’s true that some women do feel more comfortable than men when it comes to talking about what makes their marriage successful, that doesn’t mean that plenty of men out there don’t have their own meaningful take on the subject.

In the past, I’ve considered asking my dad what makes his marriage to my mom successful, but I’m kind of terrified that his answer will be sexual and there’s just no coming back from something like that, so instead I turned to Reddit to see what the guys on the AskMen subreddit have to say on the subject.

Sure enough, this question had already been asked:

“Old men of Reddit: What was the key to your successful marriage?

*Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger! And yes, maybe I should have mentioned, I’m getting married in two months. Many wise words here, thanks to all of you who shared!”

You’ll be surprised, entertained, and impressed when you hear what these married revealed as their 21 secrets for how to have a happy, successful marriage.


1.  Argue to understand, not to win.

“When arguing with your SO, the goal isn’t to win the argument. The goal is to solve a problem.”


2.  Be complete people as individuals.

“The strongest relationships come from two strong, happy individuals coming together, not two broken individuals relying on each other for happiness.”


3.  Creativity is key.

Be creative. Any idiot can throw himself at your wife and worship her. That means nothing. Instead, use your creativity to find new ways to make her life better in ways she could not have thought of. Examples: My wife has trouble falling asleep because of her mind races. I’ve got an encyclopedic knowledge of old computer games. So every night when we go to bed, I play old, slightly repetitive video games while she watches. The games I choose are just boring enough that she falls asleep, with her last thoughts usually being about fairies and elves and such. She’s out like a light every night now.”

4.  Prioritize each other.

“That’s the one thing that I’ve learned from my parents’ 34-year marriage. They never prioritized their kids over their relationship. The marriage came first. Always.”


5.  Let go of selfishness.

“Always remember that what you do should be to enhance the marriage and your partnership, and not necessarily for yourself. That might be not spending money on yourself, or moving across the country for her job, or picking a location so one person has an easier commute.”


6.  Respect your wife and your marriage, even if it means passing up a “good” joke.

“Don’t ever, ever take jabs at her/the marriage in public. No ‘ball and chain’ jokes, etc.”


7.  Oral sex.

“[Go down on her] and love it. Get good at it. Make that something you actively pursue. Make it a hobby, make it something you’d tell your friends if they wanted a bunch of too much information, ‘Oh, yeah, I’ve really been practicing my [cunnilingus] technique lately.’ Oh, and when I say [go down on her], I mean you get your face down there and you help your woman get off, and you stay down there until she does.”


8.  Have each other’s backs.

“Her corner is your corner. Period. Even if she’s batsh*t crazy wrong, and she will be. Give her your input, try and give her your advice, but there will come days that no matter what you say, she’s going to put the car towards the edge of the cliff and drive that sumb*tch right off. When those days come, you buckle your seatbelt, you reach out to take her hand, and you go for the ride.”


9.  Cook for each other.

“Learn to cook. It’s not that hard, you can have fun with it, and few things will make you happier than your spouse asking you to make that one dinner that she loves.”


10.  Reaffirm your commitment regularly.

“During rough times, and you’ll have them, agree that you are in this thing for the long haul and you fully expect to stick it out and make it through to the next round of good times. Say it out loud. Make it known.”


11.  Check in with each other every day.

“When everyone gets home at the end of the day, ask ‘How was your day?’ Let them vent. When they’re done, they should know to ask you the same, so you can vent. Do this without fail.”


12.  Let her vent just for the sake of venting.

“When they (women) talk about a problem/issue they are having, do not suggest fixes at first. Just let them vent, suggestion time comes later. Guys like to fix things and don’t discuss problems with guys unless they’re seeking advice. Women want empathy and commiseration first, then they’ll want to discuss solutions.”

13.  Stay faithful.

“Don’t cheat, ever; train your brain to shut off attraction to other people [EDIT: Clarified below] and don’t put yourself in a position to slip. Don’t even come close to flirting with other people. If going out to lunch with the platonic friend of opposite-sex, casually tell spouse in advance, not to ask permission but to show respect. Don’t lie about what you are doing.”


14.  Mind your money.

“Save money so your later years are easier. Don’t piss money away on stupid stuff. Put all money, from whatever source, in one pot and talk about how you are spending it (IMO there should be no ‘my’ or ‘your’ money when married). MAX OUT YOUR IRA/401(k) from the beginning.”


15.  Pick your battles.

“Don’t insult one another. Give on little things. if she wants you to wear a tie and you don’t want to, just wear the damn thing.”


16.  Be generous with signs of affection.

“Cuddle without sex sometimes. Hug her a lot. Kiss her on the neck out of the blue when she is cooking something. Tell her you to love her more than you think you should.”


17.  Be each other’s best friend.

“Finally, be buddies. Romance and sex and dates are nice, but really, be best friends. Shoot the shit. Flirt. Wink at each other. Banter. It really makes things fun and easy and awesome. Marriage, with effort and the right person, is incredible.”


18.  Remember that she is important.

“She is important. I originally wrote, ‘make her feel important’. Then, I changed it to, ‘make her important’. I think that statement, though, best guides you on the course of action you need to take: she is important. When you come home and she is telling you about your day, get off your phone, stop staring at the computer screen, put down what you’re doing and listen to her. Make sure she is acutely aware that for as long as she is talking to you, she is the only thing in your universe — look her in the eye, nod along, ask follow-up questions. If it’s date night, leave the phone at home. Don’t interrupt her when she’s talking. Do things for her that require effort. Sometimes, relationships get to be this zero-sum game where you’re putting points up on the board, and in those situations, we go for the easy sh*t. How much effort, really and truly, did it take you to buy a bouquet of flowers at Trader Joe’s while you were there anyhow buying spaghetti sauce for dinner? Not saying don’t buy flowers, but when you spend your Saturday sweating through your clothes doing something just for her, I’ve never met a decent woman alive that didn’t see you doing it and appreciate the work. So many of my friends treat their spouses like after-thoughts. Even after years, you have to find ways, every day, to say to her, ‘You are important to me.’ That’s one I’ve discovered recently, and I wish I had learned it early because it’s paid dividends out the ass since I started making it a focus.”


19.  Retain your individuality.

“Make sure you get plenty of time apart, time for yourself. Schedule Guys Nights. Take up hobbies and stay active in them. You are a person, not some f**ked-up siamese twin. For your sanity, to quell resentment and impatience, to soothe irritations, just get the fuck away from each other sometimes.”


20.  Kiss her like you mean it.

“Never kiss her half-assed. I think ‘don’t do anything half-assed’ is some grade A solid wisdom, but if you’re gonna’ half-ass something, kissing your wife is the dead rock bottom of that list. If you’re gonna’ kiss her, do it right, with all of you, with your hands and your arms. Do it like you mean it, every single time, not for the sake of anything else save the simple fact that a kiss between you and your wife is the simplest way to say you love her, and you refuse to love her lazy.”

21.  Make one vital decision before you even start — to marry the right person.

“My spouse and I have been together almost a decade now, through some intense Lifetime movie of the week stuff, and we’re still swingin’. I owe a lot of that to her; I like to think of myself like some more handsome Confuscious the older I get, but the truth is, we would have never gotten to where we are now, with me armed with the tiny bits of wisdom I’ve summoned, if not for her infinite f**king patience. So, I suppose, my first bit of advice would be to get lucky and hook a good one, who’s willing to put up with your bullsh*t while you grow up and learn to be a man.”

Written by Rebecca Jane Stokes

Originally appeared on Yourtango.com

You may also like

Brad Pitt’s Powerful Marriage Advice Will Melt Your Heart

10 Things To Try Before Giving Up On Your Marriage

Marriage Advice I wish I would have had – after losing a Woman I loved

All Successful Relationships Are Successful For These Same Exact 13 Habits

Lasting relationships come down to 2 basic Traits

15 Things to Give up, to Get More from a Relationship

Happily Married Men Reveal 21 Secrets For A Happy Marriage

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

9 Tactics To Trigger The Hero Instinct In A Man

Hero Instinct In A Man: Ways To Trigger Their Inner Hero

Do you know there’s a hero instinct in every man? If you want to unlock that side of your man then you have come to the right place. Today, we are going to talk about how to trigger the hero instinct in a man, and do it the right way.

From understanding their innate drive to protect and provide, to unraveling the mysteries of their emotional landscape, we will explore what is the hero instinct, and what does hero instinct in relationships look like.

So, ready to know more about this side to men? Let’s go then.

Related: How To Make Your Man Happy: 25+ Last Minute Gift Ideas For Him

Up Next

This Viral ‘Bird Test’ Can Predict If Your Relationship Will Last

Unique Bird Test: Can Your Romantic Relationship Pass It?

The “bird test” is a viral TikTok trend and it is a unique way of assessing reciprocation in relationships. So, are you ready to validate (or expose) your relationship? Let’s go!

As users evaluate their significant others with the “orange peel theory” — which measures how willing they are to do small favors for you — another concept has taken hold of the platform recently: the bird test relationship.

So, What Is The Bird Test For Relationships?

Up Next

How To Know If Someone Is Thinking Of You? 10 Psychological Signs

How To Know If Someone Is Thinking Of You? Psychic Signs

Have you ever had that weird feeling that someone is thinking about you, even when they’re not with you? It feels like a whisper in the back of your mind, a subtle but undeniable connection that transcends the physical distance between you two. So then how to know if someone is thinking of you, for sure?

The interesting thing is that, in this curious world of human psychology, there can be many fascinating and psychological signs someone is thinking of you; all you have to do is know what they are.

So, are you ready to do a deep dive into the world of mind-reading (well, sort of). Let’s explore 10 psychological signs someone is thinking of you.


Up Next

6 Minutes To Improve Your Relationship: How To Have Better Communication With Your Partner

Minutes To Improve Your Relationship?

If you are thinking about how to improve your relationship, then you have come to the right place. How to better communicate with your partner? Communication is crucial to building a healthy relationship, and this article is going to talk about that. Let’s explore how to have better communication with your partner.


The three keys to communication are speaking openly, listening empathically, and reflecting back.

We usually skip reflection, so the speaker does not know if they have been heard.

A simple practice of reflection can build this skill.

Does your par

Up Next

6 Key Psychological Truths About Dating Apps

Key Psychological Truths About Dating Apps

Online dating, dating apps, dating sites – all of these things have taken the world by storm and has made dating easier than before. Or has it? This article is going to delve deep into not just the world of online dating and dating sites, but will also talk about the psychological truths about dating apps.

As recently as 15 years ago, internet dating was popularly seen as — to put it delicately — something for losers. Sites like Match, JDate, and eHarmony were in their infancy; the whole idea of finding a partner on the Internet hadn’t really transcended its origins in the personals section of the newspaper.

But with the rise of the smartphone and GPS technology, online dating has lost this stigma and ballooned into a multi-billion-dollar industry. Nowadays, you can treat your cell phone like an all-day singles bar, swiping on Tinder

Up Next

6 Unconventional Relationship Choices That May Seem Weird, But They Do Work

Unconventional Relationship Choices That Actually Work

Unconventional relationship choices, huh? They’re like the hidden gems of the dating world, the rebels of romance, the quirks that keep love alive. Even though traditional relationships have their own appeal and charm, sometimes it’s the unconventional that brings some excitement into our lives.

From open relationships to living apart together, these relationship choices may be frowned upon, but for many people, these are the relationship choices that work the best for them. To each his own, you know.

Such non traditional relationships go against what most people think is normal, however, they show us that l

Up Next

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

Research Backed Relationship Remedies

When it comes to dealing with relationship problems, science can prove to be really helpful and can provide you with some substantial research-backed relationship remedies. This article is going to talk about some of the most effective and useful relationship remedies that can make a huge difference to your relationship.

You may think these should go without saying, but in my personal and professional experience, they have not.

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

1. Be Quick to Repair Injury

One day, my wife sensed my odd vibe, I didn’t like her asking, and it gr