Here are the top 11 things to give up, to get what you desire from your marriage.
Marriage is a tricky cake to bake. But once you have all the proper ingredients in the perfect amount, you can have one healthy and joyful married life. For once, it’s safe to say, happy marriage is not a myth. Most of us forget that to achieve something we need to give up on certain things.
And surprisingly ‘these things’ you need to give up are not useful to any individual in any relationship, be it marriage or otherwise. Some of these are going to be things that will help you improve yourself as an individual.
For a marriage to flourish, its necessary for both the partners to work on their personal issues and make a joint contribution to the marriage to bloom. Once these toxic aspects of a relationship is removed, your marriage life will be smoother, saving it from culminating into a divorce.
Here are 11 things to give up, to get more from your marriage:
1. Abandon unrealistic expectations
Marriage should be like an empty canvas where both of the partners put in colours to create a new masterpiece – let the marriage grow into what it is supposed to be. Unrealistic expectations have high chances of suffocating a relationship as most of them are unachievable and based on irrational ideas about the other person.
It is necessary that a marriage is based on expectations which are possible for the other person to fulfill without having to compromise too much on their parts. When the expectations get unattainable, both the partners fail to stand up to themselves which lead to added up resentment and bitterness in the marriage.
2. Give up controlling each other
When two dynamic individuals interact in a relationship, it is inevitable for them to have clashing perspectives and value system. What is necessary here is a sweet balance between individuality and conformity. If you always stick to your own ideas, principles and values strictly disregarding the other person’s opinions, you are simply being toxic in the marriage.
All you need to do is make sure that you do not control your partner just because they are having a personality distinct from you. Control kills love and creates a hostile family environment.
3. Give up on possessiveness
No matter how long you are married to each other, your partner is not your property. You need to let your spouse breath freedom. Give him/her the space to grow.
Once you have a strong foundation of trust, you will be easily able to free yourself from wanting to possess your partner. Possessiveness will only make it more difficult for your partner to be his/her authentic self.
4. Stop criticising
Give up on the toxic habit of criticizing your partner for all his inabilities and adversities and start appreciating every small effort on his/her part.
Be vigilant of every small effort your partner puts in the relationship and do not forget to compliment him/her for pulling off something which might even seem insignificant.
A few sweet words for your spouse can take you both a long way in the journey you started together.
5. Give up the need to fix your partner
Instead of savoring, loving and praising one another, nurturing the existing relationship, we waste our precious time and energy seeking perfection, in ourselves and in our partners.
Every human beings have his/her vices which make them who they are. Just as their potentials, their adversities too make them seem more humane. A relationship is not about ‘fixing’ or ‘mending’ those flaws in your partner. Instead, your work is to accept each other the way you both are and make a few adjustments here and there.
A true bond is not about how perfect you both are but about how perfectly you handle each others imperfection.
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ~ Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
6. Give up your jealous behavior
A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity. – Robert A. Heinlein
The root cause of jealousy is insecurity. Neither of the partners will feel jealous if they work on their individual insecurities. A relationship based on emotional intimacy, understanding and transparency will not bread jealousy as two individuals in such a relationship consider themselves a team rather than two separate individuals competing with each other.