19 Signs You Were Raised By a Narcissistic Mother or Father

Signs Raised By Narcissistic

16. They projected their bad behavior onto you.

For example, if you were in an argument, they would hysterically scream at you, “ How dare you talk to your mother that way. Go to your room. We’ll talk after you stop screaming at me.”

17. They never displayed any empathy.

They never asked about your feelings, sympathised with you, or cared. They seemed to be solely interested in their own feelings.

18. They were infallibly correct and never wrong.

Even when they made a mistake or treated you in an unfair, or unjust way, they never apologized for their mistake. When you confronted them about it, they denied all accusations and tried to spin the blame onto you.

19. They liked to present a perfect family image to outsiders.

Your parent/s went to great lengths to ensure that others perceived you as a loving/successful/enviable family. Likely, you were very aware of this ploy but kept silent for fear of wrath from your parent/s.

How to Confirm That You’re the Child of a Narcissist

After reading through this list of symptoms you might still be unsure of how to define your parent/s. That’s normal. Your narcissistic mother and/or father wouldn’t have exhibited all of the signs above (but if they did, pay attention).

If you’re the child of a narcissist, you will likely struggle with these problems:

  • Codependency in other relationships
  • Weak sense of self
  • Poor interpersonal boundaries and inability to say “no”
  • Chronic guilt or shame
  • Self-loathing
  • Emptiness
  • Trust issues
  • Inability to express or handle emotions
  • Anxiety or depression
  • Being a people-pleaser

Related: 63 Most Commonly Used Phrases By Narcissistic Mothers

Raised By a Narcissist

How Do You Deal With a Narcissistic Mother or Father?

What next?

If you’re quite sure that one, or both, of your parents, was a narcissist, it’s likely that they still have some kind of involvement in your life. Many narcissist support groups recommend cutting off contact from such parents or interacting them in small, measured ways (such as through a phone call, or text message).

To begin your process of soul healing, you might like to do the following:

  • Stop hoping that your narcissistic parent will change — you can never change them.
  • Allow yourself to grieve the parent you never had.
  • Understand that you have been raised to suppress and deny your feelings. Now is a good opportunity to slowly open up to those years of repressed feelings. You can do this through seeking traditional psychotherapy, or alternative methods such as shamanic healing, hypnotherapy, holistic remedies, etc.
  • Learn to take care of your own needs through the practice of self-love.
  • Reconnect with your inner child and learn how to care for it in a way your parents never could. This is called inner child work.
  • Keep an active daily journal in which you self-reflect. This will help you become more self-aware.
  • Explore soul retrieval, which is a vital part of soul work.
  • Express your emotions in a healthy way, particularly any anger you have inside.
  • Join a support group and connect with others who have experienced similar childhood experiences. You can find many on Facebook, or you could search the internet for local groups.

Related: How Adult Children of Narcissists Can Begin to Heal

While you may feel broken, it’s important to remember that you are not broken. Your soul can never be broken. It is still there, waiting for you to access it. This experience only serves to show you that everything you need is within you. No matter what your childhood was like, it’s still possible to heal and reunite with that source of unconditional joy, wonder, and love inside.


Originally appeared on – LonerWolf

19 Signs You Were Raised By a Narcissistic Mother or Father
Signs You Were Raised By a Narcissistic Mother or Father
Signs Raised By Narcissistic Pin
Signs You Were Raised By a Narcissistic Mother or Father

24 thoughts on “19 Signs You Were Raised By a Narcissistic Mother or Father”

  1. Wow, finally a post on narcissistic parents I can absolutely relate to. All the ones I’ve read speak of how the parent screams or ridicules or ignores. My mother did the opposite. I was her parent, her spouse, her “best friend”, she was going to kill me first then herself because she believed I could not live without her. She sexually abused me but I thought for years (still sometimes do) that I’m crazy and I was so lucky because she just loved me best. I could have no friends, anytime I tried to grow up or be independant she would pull me back in to the enmeshment. If I am broken and I’ll and childlike then she can own me and keep me hers. Our family was “perfect” though we were a disaster and if I say anything negative she brings up the fact of all the physical things she did (beautiful gifts and clothes, birthdays, homemade baby food, healthy homemade meals), what more could she give me? And I become lost and confused–maybe I AM a monster to my poor mother who has an ungrateful daughter. She has the entire extended family believing I am the problem, my truth just crazy and obviously I am mentally ill. But am I ill or just now becoming crystal clear on how I’ll my mother is? It’s crazy making and I equally hate her and feel terribly sorry for her. How do I step out of the enmeshment without allowing her to completely self-destruct?

  2. I was a child in the 60’s. My father left right after I was born and I was raised by a narcissistic mother. She was already 40 yrs old when she had me. She constantly told me that I was the product of rape. My brother, although not treated much better, was the golden child as the article speaks of. I am healed (after 20 years of Counseling) from my tragic childhood. I understand that it was not my mothers fault that she was the way she was. She was born the last child of 20 children in a strict, male dominated, old school, right off the boat, Italian family. My grandmother was mean and my grandfather was dominating man who ruled with an iron fist. Their main parenting style was hitting, beatings, yelling, and put downs. Almost always at the girls. My mother’s role models were her parents and their horrible parenting styles and her brothers who also ruled the house. So, when she had children, the insanity just continued. I raised 3 children. With my first child I found myself acting like her as she was my only role model, but I was determined to not continue the circle. I took many classes on child rearing, Read every book out there. I am sure I have made mistakes raising my kids, but I know I tried and did my best. My children are grown now, all successful, well adjusted, happy adults. What more could I ask for.

  3. Thanks well written article, with some suggestions for recovery.
    A.C.A deal with sick family systems, insecure attachments and they’re free, look online to find a meeting near you 🙂

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