Narcissists’ Dirty Little Secret: 5 Things A Narcissist Doesn’t Want You To Know

Narcissists Dirty Little Secret

Narcissist Secrets: If anything a narcissist thrives on, is their reputation and they can take every single measure to protect that image. This is why they lie and deceive. There are several secrets of the narcissists which they use as a weapon, that’s why they don’t want anyone to know their dirty little secrets.

You won’t guess abusers’ dirty little secret – the one thing narcissists and abusers don’t want you to know. In fact, they find it so shameful that most of them won’t admit it even to themselves. They hide it behind their abuse and bluster, their braggadocio, and their arrogance.

People are fooled by the narcissist’s bold persona. They’re confused by their words and intimidated and shamed by their aggression. They don’t realize that an abuser’s personality is a mask and that their behavior is a smoke and mirror game. It’s manufactured as a defense system to hide a scared, insecure child inside – a child who feels as insignificant as is the abuser’s pretense of importance.

Their secret is that they feel insecure and are needy. This is why they must at all costs feel powerful and in control.

Once you realize this, it explains their entire personality and abuse. They act as if they’re needless and judge their partners for their needs and feelings. Some abusers and narcissists seem quite a self-sufficient outside of an intimate relationship.

Read: 9 Behavioral Traits That’re Common Amongst Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

Yet, they get attention from their work, colleagues, and casual lovers. In a romantic relationship, they insist you meet their relentless demands, sometimes including being left alone.

Here are the dirty little secrets no narcissist would ever want you to get hold of

1. Control

Dirty Little Secret
Narcissists’ Dirty Little Secret: 5 Things A Narcissist Doesn't Want You To Know

Narcissists must control other people and their environment, including your beliefs, feelings, and actions so that they will feel safe! They demand, belittle, or manipulate you to put raise themselves and put you down. You end up feeling unsafe, which is what they feel inside. 

This is a defense called projective identification. Your feelings show you how they really feel and in many cases how they were treated as a child.

2. Grandiosity

Notice that narcissists have to brag, exaggerate, and fantasize about their greatness. They act special, entitled, arrogant, and want to associate with the best and most expensive or well-known.

All of these behaviors are methods to raise themselves up to feel less insecure and ashamed of feeling weak and inadequate. If they’re the best, even by association or through buying symbols of luxury, they don’t have to feel small and insignificant.

3. Arrogance and Envy

This also means that they must believe that they’re better than you and anyone else. If even one person excels or is better at something, they must surpass that person. If they’re not on top, in their mind they’re inadequate or a failure.

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Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT

Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an expert author on relationships and codependency. She's counseled individuals and couples for 30 years and coaches internationally. Her books and other online booksellers and her website.View Author posts