The narcissist’s trap gets more obnoxious when you are left perplexed as to why this person who showered you with utmost love and affection, dedicated time to you, made efforts to make you feel special, praised and complimented you, made you feel complete has suddenly turned into an individual criticizing, complaining, blaming and belittling you. Intermittent reinforcement on the part of the abuser will still keep you sticking to the narcissist, seeking for the periodical scraps of positive behavior they feed the victim.
It is natural to desperately wish your partner to return back to the honeymoon phase of the relationship.
This is the exact turn where you slowly feel like you are losing grip on yourself. High chances are there that you will happen to view your positive experience in an amplified manner as compared to the sporadic span of neglect and ill-treatment.
Your only option now is to stoop down lower, beg, negotiate, lose your self-respect just to get a glimpse of that ‘ideal partner’ you had once witnessed.
No doubt, all of your ardent requests will be left unheard. They either keep treating you in an increasingly negligent manner or will completely cut contacts with you after they have successfully broken your self-confidence and distorted your self-image.
Once the relationship is over, grieving has to take place. Healing the wounds inflicted by the narcissist will naturally be difficult. Not only for you, but it is also hard for anyone to erase the ‘good memories’ all at once and forget the narcissist. What you miss and long for is not the real person you lost, it the facade they had put over themselves, the stories they told, the feelings they made you go through. But this does not make your pain any less valid.
Often times, the dissolution of a romantic relationship will happen from your end when all of your efforts to earn the narcissist back will fail. The separation happens too quick and unexplained. This lack of a proper closure can arouse curiosity and can intensify your feelings of longing for the narcissist.
The termination of the relationship can feel like the end of the world, can make you feel lonely, worthless, invalidated and even make you feel like giving up on life.
It is absolutely fine to feel like giving up. But remember, you have another option of not letting this relationship define you. Give yourself the opportunity to know that you are capable beyond just an intimate bond, you are worthy, you have the chance to begin a new life.
Just like the good memories of your partner is keeping you moving back to his/her thoughts, similarly, the moments of profound pain they made you go through can help you justify your need to reclaim yourself.
Remember all the poison words they spit at you, the times they disrespected you, isolated you, betrayed you, lied to you, criticised you, blamed you for things you never did.
With time, you will get to see the nights you wished they wiped your tears, but they didn’t, the moments you wish they hugged you but didn’t, moments you realised they were playing with your fragile emotions.
You will slowly witness your negative experiences with them overshadow the positive.
If you are crying today for they left, remember, tomorrow you will cry a little less, for the very same reason.
All you need to know is that the good experiences with a narcissist must not be a justification to continue staying in the abusive cycle.
Remember, You are not broken and in need of fixing. You are wounded and in need of healing. ― Danu Morrigan
You May Also Like:
- Narcissist Mirroring: How Narcissist Manipulates You Into Loving Them
- Narcissistic Relationships
- The Narcissist’s Soulmate Scam: Identifying a Love Bomber
- 4 Traits of A Narcissist Magnet. Are You One?
- Love Bombing as a Narcissistic Attachment Style
- 4 Ways You Can Unintentionally Fall In Love With A Narcissist