Women have a hard time understanding the male psyche as much as men have trouble understanding women. When it comes to dating, most women would like to ask a ton of questions to analyze and evaluate what actually drives men and what their true intentions are. Let’s find out what exactly men want from women, other than a whole lot of sex.
Ladies, you already know how it goes. Throughout the ages, women have been given a bad rap when it comes to relationships. All our complexities and individuality are boiled down into oversimplified generalizations like:
“women are needy, women just want a man’s money, women play games, and women just want to capture a husband to make babies.”
It’s miserable and insulting.
But let’s be fair, men have been oversimplified too. When we think about men and relationships what often comes to mind? Sex. All we hear is that men only want sex. Sex, sex, and more sex.
Sure, sex is absolutely wonderful. But isn’t there more to a relationship than just sex? After all, if what men want is just to get it on, wouldn’t all men only hire out the sex acts and leave all other interactions with women behind? Men get a bad rap too.
It’s 2019 and society still doesn’t want men to show emotions (just like society still doesn’t want us, women, to admit we love sex).
Honestly, we are still denying that men feel anything at all. Other than horny, of course. But I’m not buying it. Men are humans. Women are humans. Humans have emotions beyond the sudden urge to mate.
If I hate being unfairly categorized and shamed, I’m assuming men do too. So I’m out to crush negative stereotypes – not only for women but also for men. This left me with the questions:
If it’s not all about sex, what do men want from women? Why are they in relationships at all?
I wanted to give men an outlet to be entirely honest and vulnerable, so I created an anonymous online survey and let a handful of men of different ages and relationship statuses talk to me about what men want from women and relationships without fear of “getting found out.”
No shame, no guarded words. Just total honesty.
And I was shocked, ladies. I’ll even let you in on the secret before you read their answers:
Men want the exact same things out of a relationship that women want.
I’m not joking. Partnership and belonging are two of the most common themes in what men want.
Read on to see their vulnerable answers and my initial reactions to each:
Age 22. Status: Dating.
It would make me happy and feel appreciated if she would understand that I do that stuff to show her how much I care for her. As a man, appreciation is very important to me. And I don’t want to be appreciated for no reason. But I do want what I do for her to be appreciated.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard a woman say she wanted to feel appreciated, I’d be doing plenty of appreciating on my very own private yacht. This is a human need tied in with belonging. If we have good men, we should regularly remind them that we notice their goodness.
Age 24. Status: In a Relationship.
All I want is someone that allows me to open and honestly share my life with them. The good, the bad, the big moments and the small.
I think sometimes that women have heard the narrative that men don’t care about emotions, they forget to pay attention when their guy really wants to be open, honest, and real.
Maybe the lesson here for us is to leave judgment-free space for when our guys really want to be open and honest with us. Not to pick at them to open up, but just allow room for them share when they want to.
Age 27. Status: In A Relationship.
Easy going, not high maintenance. Honest and not totally obsessed with money or having material items. Open to adventure at the drop of a dime and willing to grow outside of their comfort zone.
One symptom of the “men are obsessed with sex” stereotype suggests that they want all their women to look like Victoria Secret models (sure, even I find them hot!).
But most men are looking for real women who aren’t afraid to mess up their hair in order to go experience something great. Sometimes I wonder if all the primping is more to show off for other women than to show off for our men.