3 Lies Women Tell Themselves About What Men Want

Lies Women Tell About Men Want

Sometimes, we women are making it harder than it has to be because we are constantly feeding ourselves ridiculous lies about men. Crappy men do exist and fuckboys do exist, but that does not mean every man is like that. The moment women stop feeding themselves certain lies about men, they will be able to be in happier relationships.

Maybe it started when your kindergarten friend pulled you aside and whispered a warning into your ear after seeing you dash across the schoolyard in a game of kissing tag at recess.

Or later, when you told your best friend your most prized secret, that you’d had your first real kiss (with tongue!).

Certainly, some helpful female family members or friends laid down the facts for you when Aunt Flow came for her first visit. And by the time you were a grown woman, adulting all over the place — dating, hooking up, and everything in between — you not only had the facts, but you were also doling out sage advice of your own.

We, women, have been cautioning each other and having each other’s backs about men since the beginning of time, but some of the things we share about what men want are just bold-faced lies (whether we know it or not).

The real problem is this:

These lies we tell make finding and keeping lasting love h-a-r-d.

Here are the top three worst offenders…and the truth about what’s really going on with men of all ages:

1. Men only want sex and they’ll do and say anything to get it.

I know your mama warned you…

Translation: Men are liars and tricksters. They’ll pull out all the stops to snatch your snatch before you can even comprehend what just happened.

There’s a second layer to this artfully frosted shit-cake of a lie, which is that they don’t care about any other part of you. They picked you because they thought they could get one over on you, stupid girl.

This line, often delivered by the well-intentioned among us, does more damage than it does good. It has us fearing men as a pack and diminishing ourselves instead of seeing people as individuals and putting stock in our own abilities to judge character.

Being valued just for our vaginas (as fabulous as they are) is not how most of us want to view ourselves. And besides, this one is just plain untrue. What’s charming and magnetic about a woman is what she’s passionate about, and guys are drawn to our authenticity, self-confidence, and passion.

There. Glad we put that one to bed.

Related: What You MUST Know about Love That Most Women Learn WAY Too Late

2. Men are commitment-phobes.

So, if guys only want sex and sex is available all over the place, why would they ever want to commit to us?

It’s surprising anyone gets together at all considering how bitter and untrusting this lie makes us. It’s not that guys are commitment-phobes; they just tend to have a different relationship and process to commitment.

Have you ever met a woman who liked a guy and said “yes” to a relationship, but she also had a lengthy laundry list of things she’d need to change about him? You know this woman, right? Ever see her in the mirror?

This is not the standard M.O. for most guys. They commit 100 percent to the entire laughs-too-loud, stays-up-too-late, is-grouchy-in-high-humidity, and is-an-over-sharer package or they don’t commit at all. And when someone else calls her on it in front of him, he says, “Yeah, that’s just how she is, but she’s adorable, isn’t she?”

Ever notice that when it comes to people trying to fix or change each other, the scales are heavily tipped to the female-doing-the-fixing side? This is where adages like “Get a man, keep a man, and keep him in line” comes from.

Can you imagine what we’d do if the common phrase was “Get a woman, keep a woman, and keep her in line” instead? Can you imagine? Because I can. We would lose our shit.

This whole change and fixing business is why it takes men longer to commit. They need time to look and see if they are willing to commit to that whole package — and when they do, they’re in. No fixing needed.

Which is good news, and may calm your nerves for the last lie.

3. All men want are young, hot girls and not women their own age.

You’ve watched it happen. Your contemporaries are divorcing after the kids are off to college and within the first year, he has a smoking-hot girlfriend half his age and she’s still single. It’s true, just like you’ve always feared: Men want younger (than you) women.

If you’re married or partnered, does this have you wondering if you’re next?

Fun fact: Women initiate 60 percent of divorces later in life.

If you’re single, do you feel doomed that no man your age will want you?

“Am I attractive enough?” and “Is he still attracted to me?” are questions that plague most women throughout our lives.

This myth could have you living in fear, or leave you angry and bitter. Hey, guess what’s super unattractive to men? An angry, bitter woman.

When men go younger, it has everything to do with being able to impress her. What comes along with the distinguished gray hair is the need to be admired, and men are pretty insistent about this as a core need of theirs. This is also not a need that women his age are often willing to pony up.

So, when they start dating younger women, we’re stuck thinking, “I’m past my prime. He wants younger women and that’s it.”

Related: Women Abuse Men Too

But here’s the thing: He doesn’t care about how young the woman he’s dating is — he wants appreciation and playfulness.

If you got tangled up in these three lies, there’s hope! It’s possible to turn it all around. Replace these lies with some fundamental truths:

  • Men want sex (just like you do). They also want intimacy, connection, love, and companionship.
  • Men commit to the whole package. So, it takes a little longer for most guys to find their forever person.
  • Men want lasting love with someone who can be playful, admire him, and see and appreciate him for the man he’s become. When he’s met with that kind of respect and adoration in a long-term marriage or partnership, what he says next is, “I could have never done it without you.”

Men aren’t a total mystery, but they aren’t the same as women, either. Our different chemistry means that men don’t always do things the way women would, which often leaves us feeling hurt, dismissed, unappreciated, or unseen.

Taking the time to see and celebrate our differences can leave us in much better shape for each other.

Usually, the lies women tell themselves just to justify their actions of getting into bad relationships that led to bad marriages.

Dear Woman, It’s not really too late for you to start identifying the lies you tell yourself so that you may avoid a void in your relationship and shattered dreams.

By telling the truth, you have every chance to find the very best man and the love of your love.

To read more from her, here’s the link to her recent book, 121 First Dates, the Book  The Anti-Rules Book of Practical Wisdom Based on Misadventures on 121 First Dates.


Written By Wendy Newman
Article originally published in Yourtango
Printed With Permission from the author

3 Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men
Lies Women Tell About Men Want Pin

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Masculinity And Mental Health: 12 Warning Signs of Depression In Men And What To Do

Signs of Depression in Men You Shouldn't Ignore

Do you often feel frustrated, irritable, and withdrawn? If you are a man and if you are frequently in a bad mood, then it’s likely that you have male depression. The shadows of masculinity can often hide the signs of depression in men.

Male mental health is a topic we rarely talk about as a society that is supposed to be fair and equal. Yet, societal expectations often silence the cries for help from men who suffer from depression. 

But let’s change that today! Depression affects millions of people worldwide, regardless of gender. However, men often face unique challenges when it comes to recognizing and addressing



Up Next

8 Body Flaws Men Find Irresistibly Attractive In Women

Body Flaws Men Find Irresistibly Attractive In Women

Today we are going to explore a topic that’s not just interesting, but honestly, a bit heart warming too! We are going to talk about the “imperfections” and “body flaws” which women feel awkward about, but men absolutely love!

You know what I mean; the tiny body flaws that we are convinced make us less attractive. As women, we often regard them as shortcomings or things that take away from our beauty, but they are the very things that many men fall in love with.

So, let us plunge into this and find out what are those “body flaws” that men really adore about us, and what men think about women’s bodies.



Up Next

The Cheaters’ Playbook: 3 Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

The Cheaters' Playbook: Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

Have you ever wondered why do some men have affairs? It isn’t always because they’re just looking for excitement or are bored. There’s usually more to it. There are actually 3 types of men who have affairs, and we are going to do a deep dive into that today.

In a perfect world, love would keep everyone on course, but the truth is we often have to deal with betrayal and heartbreak. We’re going to take a close look at the 3 types of men who have affairs, some of the glaring traits of men who cheat, and most importantly, why do men have affairs.

Let’s start with understanding the traits of men who cheat.



Up Next

5 Signs of Mommy Issues In Men and How It’s Impact On Their Adult Lives And Relationships

Signs Of Mommy Issues In Men Affect That Their Adult Lives

Are you dating a man who constantly seeks validation, has trust issues and is emotionally dependent on you? If yes, then it is likely that you are dating a man with mommy issues. Men with difficult relationships with their mothers often have strained romantic relationships as adults. That’s why you need to know about the signs of mommy issues in men.

Today let us explore what are mommy issues in men and how to deal with a man with mommy issues so that you can build a healthier and happier relationship with your partner. 

What are Mommy Issues in Men?

In popular culture, mommy issues in men ar



Up Next

8 Telltale Signs You’re The Placeholder In A Relationship — Don’t Ignore Them!

Are You The Placeholder In A Relationship? Clear Signs

After an entire year of being together, you end things with him only to see his “Facebook official” relationship status pop up with another girl — the same boy who said labels don’t exist, mind you! So, what’s going on? Well, you might be the placeholder in a relationship that you thought was fully reciprocated all along.

And it really was just a charity case from him, hoping that you’d be the one to call it quits so he’d feel less guilty. That’s what it means to be in a placeholder relationship. 

When you’re in it, there’s no way for you to see the reality of what position you’ve put yourself in. So, if truth is what you seek and an unrealistic future dream isn’t enough for you anymore, here are eight proving signs of a placeholder relationship.



Up Next

How Men Suffer From The Lack Of Maternal Love And Affection When Raised by Unloving Mothers

How Men Suffer From The Lack Of Maternal Love

It is a commonly accepted belief that motherly love and affection are essential for the healthy development of a child. However, research suggests that a lack of maternal love and affection can have particularly negative effects on men.

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, men who reported having a lack of maternal love and affection during their childhood were more likely to exhibit symptoms of depression and anxiety as adults, compared to men who reported having a warm and loving relationship with their mothers.

Similarly, ano



Up Next

14 Signs Of Weak Men And The Things They Say To Put Down Strong Women

Signs Of Weak Men And What They Say To Put Down Women

In a world that is constantly pushing for equal rights, it’s important to be aware of certain characteristics in people. And while we stand and celebrate all of our strong men and women, it’s also important to recognize that there are certain signs of weak men and women that can hinder personal growth and positive relationships.

In this piece, we’re going to shed light on the signs of a weak insecure man, and the phrases weak men use to put strong women down. By recognizing these traits we can go a long way in fostering a culture of equality, respect, and personal development.

First, let’s talk explore