An open and honest conversation can help you learn more about your partner and develop mutual understanding and trust that strenghtens your bond. You want to get closer to someone you love, but not sure what questions to ask that guy?
In this age of endless connection, we are more disconnected than ever and most relationships don’t go very far beyond the surface. Maybe it’s because we hold ourselves back or maybe it’s because we no longer have the tools to genuinely connect, like face-to-face and via conversation.
In order to build the foundation for a relationship, you need to create a meaningful connection, and this comes when you truly connect with who the other person is.
A little while back, I discovered this site called Thought Questions and I started keeping a list of some of my favorites. When my husband and I were still dating, I pulled up the list one night and suggested we play the “questions game.” We also mixed it up by seeing if we could guess what the other person would answer.
It was a lot of fun, but also a very profound experience and we ended up learning so much about each other (and about ourselves!), which brought us even closer. To this day we make an effort to spend time asking each other deep, meaningful questions that go beyond ‘how was your day?’ And every time we do this, we discover new and interesting things about each other.
In his book “The Seven Principles of Making a Marriage Work,” famed relationship researcher John Gottman (the dude who can predict whether a couple will get divorced with something like 95% accuracy after watching them interact for only a few minutes) cites “enhancing your love maps” as the first principle.
A love map is essentially knowing all relevant information about your partner’s life, from small things like the name of their first pet to big things like significant experiences that shaped who they are. He explains that couples who have detailed love maps of each other’s worlds are much more equipped to cope with stressful events and overcome conflict.
The point is, knowledge is power, and asking the right questions to a guy can unlock the gates for a meaningful connection and deep understanding of one another. It doesn’t matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, it could be the first date or your 10th year of marriage, people are deep and complex and always evolving so there is always something new to learn.
To help you tap into the power of knowing, here is a list of my favorite bonding questions to ask your guy in order to get even closer and more connected.
1. What’s something you’re glad you’ll never have to do again?
These questions can be very telling. Usually, the experiences we never want to do again were the hardest, but also the most transformative, the ones that helped shape who we are. Usually, the worst things we go through in life are the things that make us realize how strong we are.
2. What’s one thing you always procrastinate on?
These are good questions to ask a guy to see how grounded and efficient he is. There’s always a reason why we procrastinate on something, but we don’t always immediately know why. People who are more floaty types will usually procrastinate on practical, day-to-day tasks while people who are more Type-A and goal-oriented will have a hard time with feeling tasks.
3. What would you do with your life if you were suddenly awarded a billion dollars?
We all pretty much work to live and while you might enjoy your job very much, it might not be the thing you would choose to do if you didn’t have any bills to pay. This question is telling because it shows what someone values in life and what their deepest desires are.
Do they want to travel the world? Dedicate their life to charity? Teach underprivileged kids? (These are actually some of the responses I’ve gotten to this question on dates!)
4. What should a healthy relationship provide for the people in it?
Everyone has different needs in a relationship, they have things they are able to give and things they want to receive. People usually give love in the way they most feel loved, but not everyone experiences love in the same way. When you and your partner complement each other in terms of what you each want to give and get, having a loving, healthy relationship will be pretty seamless.
If you have different needs, then you might need to work a little harder for each person to be satisfied. Either way, this is one of the great questions to ask a guy to gain an understanding of how he views relationships.