So you meet someone online and find them attractive. There is an instant spark and you want to date them. But they live in another country. Does this long distance relationship have a shot? Well, you are definitely not alone.
In the post below Dr. Nerdlove comes to your rescue and answers some questions for you
Ask Dr. NerdLove: Can This Long Distance Relationship Work?
I use social media a lot, which has made me a lot of friends. Our social circles always begin to intermingle and before you know it I have friends all over the world. I got into contact with one girl this way who’s gorgeous and into a lot of the same things I am, and naturally, I developed a bit of a crush. The problem is, though, that she lives in another country. Remarkably, I managed to wake myself up to the idea that developing feelings for someone I’ll never see in-person and only communicate with through tweets was a terrible idea that could only end badly, and so I put those feelings aside, we stayed online pals, and everything was all good.
Then at the end of last year, I was on holiday and posting updates and photos from my trip. She posted a few replies to those that were a bit flirty, but I’m the worst at misinterpreting friendliness for flirting and so I just posted some jokey replies and didn’t think much of it. But then as we’re talking she suggests that my next trip could be to visit her town. It turns out she’s actually not too far away from a friend I was planning on meeting up with this year, so I tell her it’s a possibility and we’re both excited by the idea.
A short while later she shows up in my DMs and we get talking a bit more normally than just tweeting jokes and short comments between us and our shared friends. She starts sounding flirty again and I respond a bit reservedly because I’m afraid of just seeing what I want to see in her messages. But then, and I have no idea how we actually got onto the topic, but we start talking about dating and relationships and she mentions that she would totally date me. I respond saying I would happily date her as well, and next thing I know she’s given me her number so we can properly chat with each other. Now, I’m pretty confident that that’s a sign of some kind of interest.
Fast forward to now, a little over a month later. I’m going to be making a trip in a few months to visit her and my other friend I was intending to meet up with, and I sent her some souvenirs from my trip which she loved. She and I have been talking regularly and have gotten a lot closer, but the conversations haven’t gotten as flirty as they did to start with – on my end it’s because I rarely have much success in the dating department and now that I seem to be onto a good thing I’m terrified of coming on too strong and scaring her off. On her end, it could be the same thing, or she could have changed her mind, or I’ve misread some playful flirting for something more. I’m really confused about how to work out where I stand with her, and what to do if I’m standing where I want to be. If she were local I’d just bite the bullet and ask her out, and if she turns me down then no big deal; I’ve been through that before and stayed friends with those girls. But with the distance being what it is I’m not sure what my next move should be, and whether I should be making it before, during or after the upcoming trip. Then if we do hit things off, what’s the best way to approach a long-distance relationship to avoid it being the fiery disaster I’m worried it could be. I’m willing to put in the work, but first I want to figure out if there’s actually something to put work into. Do you have any advice?
Thanks so much!
Hopeless International Romantic
What you need to do right now, HIC is slow your roll. A lot. You have jumped a good six moves ahead of where you actually are. This isn’t just putting the cart before the horse, there is no cart to put in front of the horse. Right now, what you have is some flirty talk in the DMs and vague plans to meet up while you’re on vacation. These do not an impending relationship make.