An Open Letter To All The Female Narcissists And Manipulators


Letter To All The Female Narcissists

“Female narcissists try to destroy and discredit anyone who sees them for who they really are. They know that anyone who sees through their mask could expose them, so they stop at nothing to make sure it doesn’t happen.” – Unknown

Dear Female Narcissists and Manipulators,

I am the woman who will come after you. Make no mistake. I am not your runner-up or the consolation prize. I am in a league all my own–not your pinch hitter or relief pitcher. I’m not holding your spot in line. I may not have created this path of destruction, but I am, however, the woman who will have to help clean up the mess. You most likely left a good person; after all, why would they have stayed so long and tried so hard to make your “relationship” work?

Look, I get it. The end of a relationship is never easy. Whether you have been with someone six months or sixteen years, ending a relationship is painful and unsettling. I have been through many relationships and experienced heartbreak. Although narcissists such as yourself cannot feel true love, you may be feeling pain and confusion.

This isn’t grief you are feeling at losing a good person. What you are feeling is anger at such a horrible inconvenience. Your personal sideline cheerleader, purse-holder, coat-fetcher, scapegoat, punching bag, house cleaner, babysitter, nanny, chef, bill payer, bank account, ego booster, valet service, or other-service-provider is now gone. You aren’t losing a best friend, partner, or lover: you are losing a supply of service. Don’t confuse your demanded entitlement for feelings of love for another.

Related: The Female Facade: Female Narcissists May Be Statistically Uncommon, But Highly Dangerous

The man you abused? He served a purpose for you.

And yes, I use the word “abused.” Society tends to forget that men can be abused just as easily and frequently as women. Women can be abusers, and men can be victims. You may have professed to love this man, but really you were using him.

You probably got to check off all the boxes on society’s to-do list: girlfriend, fiancé, wife, mother, but this may not have fulfilled you. So, you took your self-hatred and bottom-of-the-barrel self-esteem out on him through name-calling and projection.

Narcissists and manipulators are just overgrown, schoolyard bullies. They feel bad about themselves, so they attack other people. But unlike immature children, grown-up bullies hide their cruelness behind a shiny veneer that other people fall for. The inhumanity of a narcissist is covered by talent and lies. Who would believe this mild-mannered, smiling, doting mother would also be the one screaming at her husband (behind closed doors, of course) that he was a horrible father and poor excuse for a human?

female narcissist
Female narcissist

I am the woman who will come after you. I will be the one dealing with the repercussions of the legal paperwork, custody disputes, and money wrangling. I will be the one watching and standing helplessly by as your constant attacks tear down this man who struggled to build his life up from scratch. I will be the one who will try every day to convince him that there really is love and goodness in this world, that I don’t want anything from him, and that I am not going to pull the rug out from under him.

Your purpose was destruction; mine is growth and healing. Unfortunately, the path to healing runs parallel to and often intersects with trauma. It’s going to take a long time, but luckily, my stubbornness is tempered with understanding.

Related: 7 Signs of A Female Narcissist

I know I am also going to have to deal with your manipulation. You probably have my phone number saved, my email address in your outbox, my social media profile cued up to stalk every single day. Once your attacks wear my man down, you will turn your vitriol onto me; I’m expecting it. You will take messages out of context; you will attempt to seduce him; you will use the children as weapons or pawns to turn me into the villain of the story. Eventually, people will see that the true villain is you.

Chances are you are an excellent actress. You can easily switch between demon and angel, good cop and bad cop, Jekyll, and Hyde. Your masks are interchangeable and so quick to fool others, your ex included. This confuses your ex-partner, and you capitalize on that. Making empty promises to “work together for the kids” or claiming you will change for the better (with your fingers crossed behind your back) reminding him of the woman he fell in love with. All that does is make him vulnerable for feeding into your unrelenting cycle of destruction.

Want to know more about female narcissists and manipulators? Check this video out below!

You don’t love him; you love the joy that comes from his pain and how you benefit from it. But, unfortunately, you probably have everyone else fooled, too. People probably believe that he was the one cheating, he was the one screaming at you, he was the one making your life a living hell. Crocodile tears are beneficial when creating a narrative of the wronged, long-suffering wife; who would believe you were the one doling out the insults and projecting your self-hatred onto him?

I am the woman who is everything you cannot be, and so I know you will try and break me, too. So please, save us all some time and find a new supplier who will fill all those needy spots your ex once did.

Cash in your chips. Call it a loss. Walk away from the table when your hand comes up as losing. Then, go ahead and weave a sad story that makes you the damsel in distress and not the bitter queen; you will find someone else to believe you and fall under your spell.

Related: Divorcing The Female Narcissist, Borderline, or other Abuser

I am the woman who will come after you. I am the woman that will cause the man you broke to forget you. I am the woman who will enjoy the man when he wakes up as the person he was always meant to be, and you attempted to ruin. One day, you will fade from his memory. I might not stay with him forever, or I may be his great love; either way, I was the one who ripped off your mask.


The Woman After You

Kristy Lee Hochenberger can be contacted for life coaching at and

Written By Kristy Lee Hochenberger
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
Letter To All  Female Narcissists pin
Letter To All The Female Narcissists pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Up Next

Are Narcissists Delusional? 7 Signs Of A Delusional Narcissist

Are Narcissists Delusional? Signs Of Delusional Narcissists

Are narcissists delusional? It’s a question that has intrigued and confused many people out there. You must have come across certain people who seem to be a bit too obsessed with themselves, and who are always seeking admiration and validation from others. But what lies beneath this self-absorbed façade?

Are these people simply self-centered beings, or is there something lurking beneath the surface? Today, we are going to take a deep dive into the world of the delusional narcissist, and discuss seven glaring signs of a delusional narcissist.

So, are you ready to have your mind blown as we explore the darker side of narcissism and the tangled path it leads down? First let’s talk a bit about whether narcissists are delusional or not.

Up Next

Brain Fog After Narcissistic Abuse? 8 Ways Narcissists Can Muddle Your Brain

Brain Fog After Narcissistic Abuse? Reasons Why It Happens

Have you ever heard of the term “brain fog”? Brain fog is like a maddening haze that seems to muddle your thoughts, makes you forget what you were saying, and has you searching for your clothes in the trash bin? Well, today we are going to talk about a specific sort of brain fog – brain fog after narcissistic abuse.

Imagine that you have just escaped from a toxic and abusive relationship with a narcissist. You are slowly picking up the pieces and trying to get your life back in order, but somehow you feel like your head is not in the right place. Everything still feels very odd and you still feel very lost.

Even though you are free from the clutches of your narcissistic ex, this bizarre mental fog just won’t lift. Let’s explore how narcissists cause brain fog, and the link between brain fog and narcissistic abuse.

Up Next

Manipulating A Manipulator: 8 Subtle Tricks That Will Give You The Upper Hand

Manipulating A Manipulator: Subtle Psychological Tactics

Ever found yourself tangled in a web spun by a master manipulator? It’s a frustrating dance where you are treated like a pawn in their toxic mind games, and your are always the one who is one step behind. But what if I told you there’s a way to turn the tables? What if manipulating a manipulator may not be that hard?

Yes, you read it right. This isn’t just about defending yourself and holding onto your sanity; it’s about mastering the art of subtle manipulation.

In this article, we are going to talk about eight remarkably clever and subtle manipulation tactics that will empower you to regain control and outwit even the most cunning of manipulators. So, are you ready?


Up Next

Toxic Bosses Unmasked: 20 Warning Signs to Watch For

Toxic Bosses Unmasked: Warning Signs to Watch For

Having a toxic boss can really take a toll on you mentally, and toxic bosses are seriously so horrible. This article is going to help you understand the traits of a toxic boss so that you know which behaviors are not normal and ethical. Read on to know more about the signs of a toxic boss or toxic bosses.

We hear about toxic bosses all the time, but how do you know when a boss is “toxic”? “Toxic” is, of course, a vague descriptor. Are bosses toxic when they throw fits and scream, or only when they break the law?

Or are they toxic when they are immoral or unethical? Are they toxic if they’re nice one day and nasty the next, or just when they make you uncomfortable, nervous, or sick? These are valid questions because these individuals are easy to identify when their behaviors are outrageous; but perhaps less so when their behavior

Up Next

How to Deal With a Compulsive Liar: 9 Effective Compulsive Lying Treatment Techniques for Peaceful Relationships

Tips for Compulsive Lying Treatment and Restoring Trust

Ever met someone who constantly distorts the truth, weaves elaborate tales or downright lies all the time? Dealing with a compulsive liar can be perplexing and frustrating. This is why it is crucial that you learn about compulsive lying treatment and how to deal with compulsive lying in a healthy way. 

Welcome to the world of compulsive liars and compulsive lying, where every story seems too good to be true. These individuals spin elaborate tales effortlessly, blurring the lines between fact and fiction. 

Let’s unravel the psychology behind this intriguing phenomenon by exploring the mysteries surrounding compulsive lying, exploring compulsive liar symptoms, what causes compulsive lying, and most importantly, the available compulsive lying treatment options. 

Up Next

7 Glaring Characteristics Of A Shallow, Superficial Person

Superficial Person: Major Signs Of A Shallow Person

In a world where social media reigns supreme, appearances often take center stage, and the allure of superficiality can be hard to resist. You must have encountered many such people whose charm seems as fleeting as a summer breeze, leaving you wanting for something deeper and more meaningful. Well, you may have come across a superficial person.

Today we are going to take a deep dive into the world of superficial, shallow people, characteristics of a superficial person, and how to deal with a superficial person, so that you know how to distinguish between a genuine person and a not-so-genuine one.

Where facades reign supreme and authenticity takes a backseat, let’s explore how the world of a superficial person looks like.

Up Next

Spirituality Or Ego? What Is Spiritual Narcissism And How To Spot A Spiritual Narcissist

Ego in Disguise: The Hidden Faces of Spiritual Narcissism

Ever met someone who seems to have achieved spiritual enlightenment but is more interested in flaunting their “superiority” than spreading love and compassion? Enter the realm of spiritual narcissism – a phenomenon that hides behind the façade of spirituality while harboring self-centered motives. 

These individuals exude an air of spiritual superiority. It’s like meeting a guru with an ego the size of Mount Everest. They are quick to shower you with their seeming enlightenment, yet their actions may leave you feeling disheartened or even manipulated.

Today, let us uncover what is spiritual narcissism, explore the spiritual narcissist