“You can only lose what you cling to.” – Buddha
Breaking up with the person you love is hard. But it’s even harder to let go of a person you love but you know there aren’t good for you. Letting go of a relationship is never easy but often it is the only thing that can set you free and lead you towards happiness. Love is as messy as it is beautiful and it can leave you feeling devastated when things turn toxic. Yet, we avoid the red flags and ignore the early warning signs with the hopes of making things better. Making things work. But it rarely does.
What does happen though is the relationship becomes even more toxic leaving both you and your partner feeling miserable. And soon enough the relationship ends.
However, getting a divorce or breaking up doesn’t mean the relationship ends. When the connection breaks and you go your separate ways, your emotions can get even stronger. Although you know this relationship is unhealthy for you and for the other person, you may want to get back with your ex even more. But that can make things even worse and leave you and your former partner with deep emotional wounds that may never heal. Dealing with a lost love is one of the most difficult things in life. And this why you need to learn to let go of the relationship and the person in order to find inner peace and move forward in life.
Facing a disappointing truth
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”
– Hermann Hesse
Realizing that the person you believed was ‘The One’ is not right for you can be disappointing, to say the least. Despite being strongly attracted to and emotionally attached to your partner, you have this gut feeling and awareness inside that this relationship is not bringing any positive energy into your life. Yet you feel strangely tethered to them. You feel dependent on your partner for almost anything and everything you do in your life. This is can be a really difficult truth to accept but this marks the beginning of the end. Still, you hold on to your toxic partner and the unhealthy relationship refusing to let go. Instead, you try to bend over backward to make things better, only to make things worse in reality. As you desperately try to cling to the relationship, you get stuck in the dark abyss of the toxic relationship and suffer longer than you need to.
When you know they are not right for you, when you realize the relationship is toxic and unhealthy for you and your partner, letting go is the best thing you can do to make things better, even though it might be the one thing you don’t want to.
Toxicity is addictive
“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
We are addicted to love. We are also addicted to hope. All relationships are addictive. Even the toxic ones. When a relationship turns bitter we don’t leave even though we might think about walking away numerous times in our minds. Why? Most of the times we tend to believe that this is normal in any relationship. “It’s just a phase. Everything will get back to normal.” We lie to ourselves. Because for some reason we believe the highs were higher than the lowest lows in the relationship. We fail to see the relationship for what it is now. Instead, we focus on the past that we have left behind. A past when things were better. When things were great. Love makes us delusional. Love makes us addicted to the toxicity in the relationship. And this makes walking away from a relationship extremely difficult regardless of how toxic it is.
Studies have found that common biological factors can be the reason for it. Research shows that being in love is as addictive as hard drugs like cocaine. Love activates the same areas in our brain as cocaine does. Medical studies have revealed that brain scans of people with cocaine addiction and people in love have displayed similar increased activity in the dopamine centers of the brain, which are the pleasure centers. Moreover, both types of people have experienced decreased activity in the brain’s frontal lobe, the area accountable for cognition. This clearly shows that being in love can not only make us feel better, but it can also deeply affect our cognitive and decision-making skills.