It’s the most frustrating thing – not being able to let go of love for someone who treats us badly.
How come, if we are in relationships that we know aren’t working, do we have such a hard time ending it? Why, if we know that breaking up is the smart thing to do, can we still not do so?
Breaking up with someone, whether we want to do so or not, is never easy. We go into relationships with such hope and ending them can seem like the end of a dream. Or the end of a nightmare.
There are a few reasons why we can’t let go of love for of someone who treats us badly. Knowing why it’s so difficult might make it easier for us to let go.
Here Are 5 Reasons Why We Can’t Let Go Of Love For Someone Who Treats Us Badly
1. Social standing.
I know that it seems weird but many people they are worried about breaking up with someone because of the effect that it will have on their social group.
I actually have two clients who both know that they aren’t right for each other but they are worried about what will happen to their softball team if they break up. Will they both continue to be able to play? Will the drinks out afterward be uncomfortable?
I also have a client who is married and considering a divorce. She is worried about who will get the friends if they divorce. Will they have to take turns hanging out with people? Will it get awkward? Would it make her feel bad if she wasn’t included in something?
I totally get it that people are worried that if they break up with someone it might impact their social lives but, unfortunately, basing your decision on your social life is not a good idea. Yes, beers out after softball or not taking part in a dinner party might not feel good at the moment, but they are just passing feelings, feelings that will change as time goes on.
Furthermore, I am guessing that, if you are considering breaking up, you guys aren’t too much fun as a couple so your social group might be happy if you two go your separate ways!
2. Fear of being alone.
This might be the number one reason that you can’t break up with someone, even if you know that you should.
I don’t think there is a single client who I have worked with who hasn’t been concerned about being alone forever if they break up with their person. I, personally, remember thinking in high school that if my guy broke up with me I might never love again.
I can tell you, with 100% certainty, that if you break up with someone who isn’t making you happy, and you are willing to put yourself out there again, you will find someone else to love you. You are amazing and your person is out there waiting.
Furthermore, if you can’t break up with someone then you will be forever doomed to not be in a happy relationship because, if you are stuck in this one, you won’t be able to find someone else.
So, if you can’t break up with someone even if you know you should, know that, if you can find the strength to do so, you will find the person of your dreams.
3. Hope for change.
For many people, especially women, we hope and believe that we can fix the things about our partner that make us unhappy.
Perhaps your partner spends too much time with his friends at the expense of time with you. Perhaps he works all the time and does not give you much attention. Perhaps she doesn’t treat her family the way you would like her to. Perhaps you wish she had higher self-esteem.
You believe that, if only you love them enough and don’t give up on them, they will change, correct?