The Empathy Trap: Understanding The Sociopath-Empath-Apath Triad

The Empathy Trap: Understanding The Sociopath-Empath-Apath Triad

The Empathy Trap:

People targeted by a sociopath often respond with self-deprecating comments like “I was stupid”, “what was I thinking” of “I should’ve listened to my gut instinct”. But being involved with a sociopath is like being brainwashed. The sociopath’s superficial charm is usually the means by which s/he conditions people.

On initial contact, a sociopath will often test other people’s empathy, so questions geared towards discovering if you are highly empathic or not should ring alarm bells.

People with a highly empathic disposition are often targeted. Those with lower levels of empathy are often passed over, though they can be drawn in and used by sociopaths as part of their cruel entertainment.

Sociopaths make up 25% of the prison population, committing over twice as many aggressive acts as other criminals. The reoffending rate of sociopaths is about double that of other offenders, and for violent crimes it is triple.

But not all sociopaths are found in prison. There is the less-visible burden of sociopath-induced emotional trauma which, if left unchecked, can lead to anxiety disorders, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Chronically traumatized people often exhibit hyper-vigilant, anxious and agitated behavior, symptoms such as tension headaches, gastrointestinal disturbances, abdominal pain, back pain, tremors, and nausea.

Exposure to and interaction with a sociopath in childhood can leave lifelong scars. This can apply to people in therapy – and for those who in recovery trained as therapists, re-exposure as an adult can trigger old emotions and PTSD.

This article is not about sociopaths per se but about surviving the harm they cause and understanding the empathy trap or The Sociopath-Empath-Apath Triad

Everyday sociopaths

Many sociopaths wreak havoc in a covert way so that their underlying condition remains hidden for years. They can possess a superficial charm, and this diverts attention from disturbing aspects of their nature.

The following case history illustrates how people can be systematically targeted until they feel they can barely trust their own sense of reality – what we call “gaslighting”.

Sociopathic abuse is targeted for abuse. It can wreck lives. Victims can become survivors but at a huge cost.

At school, ‘James’ took a dislike to a classmate, ‘Sam’, who was sensitive and popular. He would mock him for auditioning for the school play or for getting upset over failing a test. The situation deteriorated when it became known that Sam’s parents were separating. Sam appeared to be taking it with fortitude, to the admiration of his peers. He also got attention and sympathy from the school staff, especially James’ favorite teacher: ie, the one he manipulated most easily.

James decided on a plan of covert bullying. He started a whispering campaign implying that Sam’s parents were not splitting up, that he had said they were in order to seek attention. Sadly, this was all too successful and over the next few days Sam was met with silence and verbal bullying from his hitherto-supportive classmates.

James continued his campaign, targeting Sam’s close friends over the next few days. They found themselves accused of misdemeanors such as sending offensive emails/texts. Then the ‘favorite’ teacher went on “leave with immediate effect” after accusations of assaulting a pupil. Where had the accusations come from? Guess.

This case shows how deliberately sociopaths, from a young age, can target others. Taking advantage of people’s credibility and goodwill, James exploited the situation. With a more perceptive head teacher, this sociopath might have been found out, but he knew who to manipulate and how far he could go.

To deal with sociopaths effectively, you first need to open your eyes.

In The Emperor’s New Clothes by Hans Christian Anderson, two weavers promise the emperor a new suit of clothes that is invisible to those who are stupid and unfit for their positions.

When the emperor parades before his subjects, all the adults, not wishing to be seen in a negative light, pretend they can see the clothes. The only truthful person is a child who cries “But he isn’t wearing any clothes!”.

You, too, need to see sociopaths as they really are. We are conditioned to keep quiet, which often means turning a blind eye to or putting up with abuse.

The boy in the tale represents those who see the problem behavior for what it is and find the courage of their convictions to make a stand. Sight becomes insight, which turns into action. Awareness is the first step in limiting the negative effects of contact with a sociopath.

Read Empathic People Are Natural Targets For Sociopaths.

Interactions of the sociopath: The Empathy Trap

Let’s look at what we term the Socio-Empath-Apath Triad or Seat. Unremitting abuse of other people is an activity of the sociopath that stands out. To win their games, sociopaths enlist the help of hangers-on: apaths.

The apath.

We call those who collude in the sport of the sociopath apathetic, or apaths. In this situation, it means a lack of concern or being indifferent to the targeted person.

We have highlighted the importance of seeing the problem for what it is via the tale of the Emperor’s New Clothes, which represents the collective denial and double standards which are often a feature of social life. The apath in this context is someone who is willing to be blind: ie, not to see that the emperor/empress is naked.

Apaths are an integral part of the sociopath’s arsenal and contribute to sociopathic abuse.

Sociopaths have an uncanny knack of knowing who will assist them in bringing down the person they are targeting. It is not necessarily easy to identify an apath; in other circumstances, an apath can show ample empathy and concern for others – just not in this case. The one attribute an apath must have is a link to the target.

How apaths, who might otherwise be fair-minded people, become involved in such destructive business is not hard to understand, but it can be hard to accept. The main qualifying attribute is poor judgment resulting from lack of insight. They might be jealous of or angry at the target, and thus have something to gain from the evolving situation.

At other times, the apath might not want to see the ‘bad’ in someone, particularly if the sociopath is useful. Or they might choose not to see because they have enough on their plate and do not possess the wherewithal or moral courage to help the targeted person at that time. Usually, be it active or passive involvement, the apath’s conscience appears to fall asleep. It is this scenario that causes people blindly to follow leaders motivated only by self-interest.

Apaths are often fearful people. They are the ones most likely to go with the flow, to agree that the emperor/empress is wearing new clothes. They might also fail to perceive the threat: a danger is of no importance if you deny its existence.

An apath’s response to a sociopath’s call to arms can then result from a state of ‘learned helplessness’. Apaths behave defenselessly because they want to avoid unpleasant or harmful circumstances [including the sociopath turning on them]. Apathy is an avoidance strategy.

The empath.

Often, the person targeted by the sociopath is an empath. Empaths are ordinary people who are highly perceptive and insightful and belong to the 40% of human beings who sense when something’s not right, who respond to their gut instinct. In The Emperor’s New Clothes, the empath is the boy who mentions the unmentionable: that there are no clothes.

In the 1990s, researchers suggested that there was a positive relationship between empathy and emotional intelligence. Since then, that term has been used interchangeably with emotional literacy.

36 thoughts on “The Empathy Trap: Understanding The Sociopath-Empath-Apath Triad”

  1. Holy crap…I am the empath, swimming upstream and constantly fighting a seemingly losing battle. Other family members are apaths…just wanting to go with the flow, not create waves, and unconditionally love the disordered person simply because HE is ‘family’..even tho he has never felt like family to any of us…HE is a sociopath…

  2. Does anyone know if there are cases where a person can have a split personality with one personality being a sociopath and the other not???? Maybe I’m just desperate for reassurance that part of him actually was the man I thought he was.

  3. I can relate….didn’t know about sociopaths, narcissists, etc. or I could have known why things were gettin’ weird a little bit sooner. Every time I read something like this, more and more memories are released that corroborate my suspicions. As I look back on things, the red flags were there all along.

  4. This article had really helped me. Due to my experience with a sociopath and an apath I’ve since avoided getting close to other people. They destroyed my life, my confidence and my ability to be happy. For fun.
    The sociopath was abusing her son (under 5) and gradually allowed me to become aware of it. She really thought she had me completely under her control. So did not like it when I confided in my childhood best friend that I knew about it, and had to report it.
    Unfortunately for me my friend had already become the sociopaths apath, so she breached my confidence. All hell broke loose.
    From then it seemed that no one but me could see that this was actually about a child’s safety. A child’s childhood and development. It became about every little thing I’d ever been less than perfect in, and many nasty lies about me, mixed in together. She even went to so far as to cause physical injuries to another child to try to make out i had done it. I think she intended to blame every injury the child had experienced on me! At least that part of her plan didn’t play out.
    I was harrassed and beaten repeatedly by both of them for months. The police helped protect me. Social services tried to help the child. But i was their evidence gatherer and unfortunately i could no longer help the child.
    I had to just walk away. It was heartbreaking.
    12 years later i found the child in question. At age 7 his sociopath mother had stabbed him and he was raised by the care system. The lad’s a but messed up, but working towards being a good person. i still have nightmares.
    Thanks to this article i now know its a personality type (sociopath) and maybe i won’t be so scared of making friends any more.

  5. Part of personal growth is learning to set firm boundary’s on what you WILL and WILL NOT allow to effect/affect your daily life. Sociopaths produce a very unique energy field read. That should be every empaths giant red flag.

    1. I was attempting to keep it as a ‘singular’ as opposed to the multiples as each person is solely in charge of it. Pardon the mis-use but if that is all you can take from it, then you are probably correct. This page would not be for you.

  6. I've been gaslighted too many times to count. In the past I have been devastated and have felt exhausted much of my adult life, tho today, I am working hard on rebuilding. My question is, what are the warning signs of either sociopath or narcissist or both? My most recent gf was all about her. In ever way and it was if I simply didn't exist. It was crazy. I stayed only long enough to try to figure it out. After awhile tho, I realized that there was no figuring that out. It is time for me to make better choices.

  7. Strangely, when in High School I met a sociopath in training. He was a basketball player and charismatic. He was attracted to my being empathic, yet not as a victim, he sort of adopted me at seconds of our encounter. He probably collected me as one of his specimens wanted in his collection of people. He is still many, many years later a sociopath, only grown, in his 50s. We reconnected some years ago and by then he has become a fully grown and skilled emotional demon. Now, I am relieved he did not turn his budding skills towards me when I was a young empathic and so relieved now that I am also grown, I can deflect and eventually sever ties with him. Solid protection.

  8. Yeah. I've read about it. It's incredibly scary how right on all of it was. Now, that I'm aware, I'll never fall into this trap again. I know what to look for and I'll never blind myself to these particular warning signs again. Thanks for posting this. ❤️

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