Man Up, Like a Woman: A Deeper Look At ‘Masculine’ Energy

/

, , , ,
Man Up, Like a Woman: A Deeper Look At ‘Masculine’ Energy

How will you describe masculine energy if the word ‘masculine’ did not exist? The concepts of gender stereotypes are getting outdated with every passing day. So it becomes more important that we take a closer look at what masculine energy truly means.

There is no difference between “you need to harness your sacred masculine energy” and “man up, bro.” None.

Your energy, whatever that is, is neither masculine nor feminine. Sorry. You can yell, scream, fight, cry, sing, dance and build all you want, your energy still will not have hormones, chromosomes, self-identity, or anything else that will give it a gender.

If I hear one more person telling someone else to summon their feminine energy or harness their masculine energy, I’m gonna throw something at them. Like a girl. Your energy does not have a gender, it’s just a series of attributes – adjectives if you will – that make you who you are, in all of your complex and unique humanity.

Your energy has no gender. That idea is a manmade construct, and it doesn’t serve anything.

In my last days of online dating, before meeting the man I would eventually marry, I sat across from a young scientist who was my kind of “hot.” He was geeky, really smart, funny and fit.

We were discussing gender roles, and all was going relatively well, until he said something general about how, even in botany, the female flowers are, by nature, receptive; the nurturing life force.

Even though he somehow seemed not to grok that they were only female because some botanist hundreds of years ago had assigned them that gender, using nomenclature that was manmade and steeped in gender, I could have given it a pass. Until he tried to convince me that there was some larger meaning in the nature of the feminine that arches over plants and animals alike, unfurling tendrils of gendered specificity around humans and their precious sexy bits.

Read You Can’t Be A King Until You Embrace Feminine Energy

Were it not for my second or third cocktail, I would have turned into a Venus Flytrap.

I mean, someone could have just as easily decided that those with the long, fleshy, goo-squirting parts were called “women” and the ones without them were called “men” and nothing would really have changed. We could have all been Flergubbings, differentiated only by a few specific biological functions, for that matter.

Flergubbings that each play a different role in perpetuating the species, or don’t, but are otherwise pretty much the same in their capabilities. The label is arbitrary. And it is NOT consistent across the plant kingdom, or the animal kingdom, or the people kingdom. (And yes, I know that’s not a thing.)

It certainly isn’t consistent across human cultures throughout time and space. This idea we have of delicate and nurturing female energy is a blip on the scene. (And don’t try to tell any woman that the act of gestating and birthing life is in any way delicate.)

There were the Berdache of Native American cultures, revered for their gender fluidity and bisexual orientation. In Indonesian culture there is the Waria, the Middle East gives us the Xanith, in Africa, you can find the Ashtime, the Mashoga, and the Mangaiko. The Balkans have the “Sworn Virgins,” a group of women who live as men. Throughout time and in nearly every culture and religion there is space to celebrate those who do not conform to a gender binary. Just not here. And not now.

And I’m not even talking about getting all third-gender on things, though I love all of the above illustrations as a way of clarifying that our idea of the binary is an anomaly. I’m just talking about accepting that all people – regardless of sex, sexuality, or gender – are capable of feeling all the feelings. Love. Fear. Generosity. Rage. All of it.

This idea of the binary, with it’s rough and tumble males, and docile females, wasn’t codified until stationary civilizations had a need to create a predictable order for people to be confined within. Not until, really, modern organized religions needed a power structure, and a way to both support and perpetuate it.

Even our beloved archetypes didn’t really happen until we had the luxury of nervous breakdowns and someone to try and figure out our problems for us. And what were their answers, typically? “You are not fitting into society’s role for you. The problem is you, not society.”

Really. We’re still falling for this?

Think about the energy that we so lazily describe as ” masculine.” What are the adjectives you would use? Aggressive? Courageous? Industrious? Combative? If you didn’t have the luxury of using the word “masculine” as a shortcut, would anything about those adjectives change? Would anything about that energy change? No. It wouldn’t.

Do you see as many of those qualities in women as you do in men? Yes. You do. Even in nature. Have you ever heard the phrase “hell hath no fury as a woman scorned?” It’s not “hell hath no fury like a woman acting like a man.” How about the phrase “worker bee?” That’s nature, and those are all female bees.

Read Are Men Only NEEDED, Or Are They Also WANTED?

There Is Nothing Inherently Masculine About “Masculine” Energy At All.

It’s just a lazy way to not really think about how we’re describing someone. It’s a way to avoid using adjectives. Think about the energy that we so lazily describe as “feminine” energy. What are the adjectives that you would use? Kind? Nurturing? Calm? Soothing? If you didn’t have the luxury of using the word “feminine” as a shortcut, would anything about those adjectives change? Would anything about that energy change? No. It wouldn’t.

Do those qualities not exist in men as much as they exist in women? They absolutely do. Though with men, more so than women, there is a great societal risk in letting those “non-conforming” sides of yourself show. Why? Because then you become “feminine.” And that’s, well, that’s bad.

Mind you, being calm is good. (“He’s solid as a rock.”) Being kind is good. (“He has such a big heart.”) Being nurturing is good. (“He’s the kind of guy that just makes you feel safe when you’ve had a bad day.”)

Those are some blurred lines.

There Is Nothing Inherently Feminine About “Feminine” Energy At All.

It’s just a lazy way to not really think about what you’re calling someone. And it’s a great way to enforce a code that is not only unnatural but also harmful.

What if the words “masculine” and “feminine” didn’t exist? We’d have to think a lot harder about how we describe people. We’d describe them by what they do, how they behave. We’d have to pay attention to our behavior, not our genitals, and wardrobe.

We’d actually communicate something real.

That sounds so nice.

I am always amazed by the similarities in the two groups of people who I see using this gendered language as a crutch the most often. There are the Neocons who refer constantly to the proper roles for men and women, expecting each to stay in their place.

Then there are the SNAP (Sensitive New Age People) types who are constantly talking about the inner goddess, sacred masculine, and sacred feminine. As far as I can tell the only difference is that the Neocons use “divine” and the SNAPs use “sacred.” But it’s all the same shit.

I got into a Facebook kerfuffle the other day with a guy who insisted that masculine energy is the energy that is directional and aggressive. Feminine energy is nurturing and passive. (My aggressive feminine energy wanted to flow fast in his direction, but I had better things to do.)

There Is No Difference Between “You Need To Harness Your Sacred Masculine Energy” And “Man Up, Bro.” None.

The problem with that, besides its inane fallacy, is that such language is what lays the groundwork for phrases like “man up.” The words “sacred” and “masculine” don’t lesson the bludgeoning by binary any more than the words “no offense” make whatever it is you just said less offensive.

So, let’s get to those archetypes that we love so much. Whether they are from Jung or the Tarot, people love to refer to people as “the Warrior” or “the Thinker” or what have you. Let’s remove gender altogether from them, instead of looking only at the adjectives and verbs.

If someone says, “summon your inner warrior” they don’t mean to throw on a loin-cloth and sharpen your spear, right? The men are courageous, come up with a plan, know what you’re fighting for. That is a methodical and reasonable approach to facing a challenge. It’s not gendered and it’s not a prelude to a pub fight. It’s not “act like you’re Mel Gibson in Braveheart,” it’s “get serious and solve this.”

I have no idea what someone means when they say summon your “inner goddess.” Fifty Shades of Grey forever ruined that phrase, though it was always an eye-roller for me. Make people worship you? Believe you are better than others?

Maybe it means being open and receptive to the pleasure that you deserve. Surrender to feelings that come from some “divine” origin that defies logical explanation? I can get behind that. But let’s say that. You do not have an inner god or goddess. I promise. Even as a metaphor, it serves to separate us from our humanity, and that is counterproductive at best.

Think of the archetypes as a collection of attributes that might be useful to hone and harness in order to get to the next stage of the rather long role-laying game that is life. A way to figure out how to get through a tough spot. A way to think about your behavior.

There was a time when I would have told you that I like a “manly man.” But as time passed, I was forced to look at what that meant, because going after the men who I thought were “my type” was leading to exactly the same unpleasant end, time after time. I eventually made a list, but it was simply a list of attributes: kind, funny, honest, fit, smart, brave, generous, nurturing, and strong; both emotionally and physically.

Read What are Your Divine Feminine and Masculine Creative Energies?

The funny thing is, those are the same qualities I look for in friends. In business partners. In both men and women. They have nothing to do with gender, or even whether I am looking for friends or lovers. These are simply the qualities I look for in people because my life is better – more fun, less dramatic, safer – when the people in my life possess these qualities.

Turns out the “sexy” thing is something different altogether. We’ll call it “chemistry” and leave it for a different article.

Look. I am okay with the existence of gender. I really am. What I am not okay with is our obsessive need to genderize things that have no gender. Especially attributes of our humanity that get used against us.

It is that need to genderize human attributes that have led to women being largely shut out of engineering and politics until recently. Men being marginalized for pursuing the arts rather than sports or business. Men and women alike being beaten or denied an opportunity for being too…. Your thoughts, your emotions, your energy do not have a gender. How you use them to express yourself is your choice.

Anyone Who Tells You To “Man Up” Is Not Interested In Empowering You

They are interested in helping – or coercing – you into conforming to society’s expectations. The same goes if they tell you to “summon up your sacred masculine energy.”

What we need to start doing is looking for the adjectives and attributes that describe what we are feeling right now, and what we want to be feeling. Getting real and owning our behavior as a series of choices we make, not a divine dictate. A buffet, not a prison. Being liberated and enlightened isn’t about better performing that act that is expected of you, it’s about figuring out who you really are. What you really want from yourself and others.

So unpack the messages. Don’t think about being more feminine, think about being nurturing, compassionate, and gentle. And know that those areas innately natural in men as women. Embodying those things doesn’t make you feminine, it makes you human. Don’t think about being masculine, think about being brave, focused, and protective. And know that those are as innately natural in men as in women.

Read 4 Bullshit Myths About Men

Learn how to harness your full range of adjectives and verbs, in the right way at the right time to achieve your full potential, as you define it.

Know that although you are not a god, you are capable of feeling all the things. And it doesn’t make you less of a human, it makes you more.


Written by: Alyssa Royse
Originally appeared in: The Good Men Project
HuMAN Up A Deeper Look At Masculine Energy pinterest
man up like a woman pin
Man Up, Like a Woman: A Deeper Look At ‘Masculine’ Energy
  • Lack Of Individuation: From Codependent Chameleon To True Self
  • The Rise in Armchair Psychologists on Social Media
  • 30+ Inspiring Quotes About Forgiveness To Let Go Of The Painful Past
  • When You Are Your Own Abuser: 7 Ugly Signs Of Self Abuse That You Ignore
Up Next

Lack Of Individuation: From Codependent Chameleon To True Self

Individuation

Being Codependent means being unable to identify with your own feelings and needs. Here's the process of individuation that'll help to regain your true self!

When we first met, I told my husband I was very adaptable. I didn’t realize the price of being a chameleon until I started recovery and my journey of individuation. By then I was dead inside. I’d spent years adapting to abuse and belittling that I’d absorbed. I was detached from my feelings and needs, and passion eluded me.

By accommodating a narcissistic mother, I’d long been disconnected from my true self. I’d learned to play various roles, but who I was wasn’t something I thought much about.

Do you need some words of encouragement to let go of the anger and bitterness of the past? Then read through these quotes about forgiveness.

Lack of forgiveness takes a hold of your life and it comes in many forms such as breakups, trauma from family, or betrayal of any kind. This can easily lead to resentment taking root in your heart.

It’s true that choosing to forgive might be an incredibly difficult effort, but doing so will lead to a happier and more satisfying life. It's crucial to realize that choosing to forgive doesn't mean you're downplaying or justifying the hurt someone has caused you; rather, you’re making room for true joy in your mind and heart.

If you find yourself wondering where to begin, these sad, inspiring, funny quotes about
READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲

Up Next

When You Are Your Own Abuser: 7 Ugly Signs Of Self Abuse That You Ignore

Do You Emotionally Abuse Yourself

What do you feel when you hear the word abuse? An abusive, sadistic, narcissistic person who loves to torment others. But what do you feel when you hear the word self abuse? Are you an abusive, sadistic, narcissistic person who loves to torment yourself? No, right?

While we can easily spot the signs of abuse in someone else, it is often difficult for us to recognize the same signs when we abuse our own selves. We think it is normal to keep telling ourselves that we are no good. We believe it is okay to constantly compare ourselves with others. We feel it absolutely okay to let our insecurities, fears, anxieties, self-doubts and lack of confidence dominate our lives. Only it is NOT! Abusing yourself is as wrong and unethical as abusing others. 

And this is why it is important that you identify the signs of self abuse an


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

Why You Might Be Feeling Pessimistic About Life Right Now: 5 Reasons

Reasons Feeling Pessimistic About Life Now

Do you ever feel "why do I feel pessimistic about my future?", it's normal to not feel hopeful in life. Learn more about feeling pessimistic about everything.

Are you feeling pessimistic about life right now?
Do you wake up in the morning, depressed, not excited about facing your day?
Are you struggling to see anything hopeful in your future?
You are not alone!

Feeling pessimistic about life right now is something that many people, myself included, are feeling. It’s hard not to, with everything that is happening around us.

For many people, when they are feeling pessimistic about life, they tend to turn their anger and sadness inward, blaming themselves for how they are feeling. And that is natural but it’s not necessarily right.

And now her watch has ended. Queen Elizabeth II bid adieu to the mortal world yesterday and left behind a daunting and iconic legacy. Ruling for 70 years, she was the longest-reigning monarch in the history of the United Kingdom, and a force to be reckoned with. This post is a tribute to the life lessons from Queen Elizabeth, the ones she lived her life by, and oh, what a life she lived!

One of the things that Queen Elizabeth was known for was her strong and sturdy health. Even when she was in her 80s and 90s, she could give younger people a run for their money when health was concerned. She lived through so many significant world events such as the Apollo 11 moon landing, the end of the Vietnam War, Chernobyl nuclear disaster, the Fall of the Berlin Wall, the 9/11 attacks, and the COVID pandemic.

She lived till 96 not just due to good luck, she lived her


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
What A Man Looks For In A Woman Based On His Zodiac Sign How Each Zodiac Sign Acts When They Hate Someone Type A Personality Quiz: Do You See Tree, Roots Or Lips? Your Biggest Fear In A Relationship, Based On Your Zodiac Sign What You Need In A Forever Person, Based On Your Zodiac Sign