It’s either in their best interest to stay, or it’s not, nothing else is going to matter, not your feelings, not the morality of it – nothing but their whim at that moment.
When an emotional manipulator does decide to leave a relationship, they usually already have someone else lined up.
They need people to feed off of and your supply, that they’ve grown a tolerance to, cannot compete with what’s shiny, new, and untried. Don’t appeal to your history together, your children, the good times, their sense of decency, nostalgia or anything else that might work on someone with a fully functioning empathy chip. Nothing is more appealing than fresh meat and those new feelings of budding love.
You will lose every time. True, they might run off and realize that the supply you were dishing out was better and they may make a return visit. It’s here that your door must remain closed to them. If they’ve done it once, they’ll do it again, with the full belief that you will always be there, willing to take them back if it doesn’t work out.
A Narcissist knows on a cognitive level that what they’ve done to you is shitty and that you should want nothing to do with them.
When you act like it’s no biggie, it gives them license to continue and tells them that you do not value yourself. That knowledge is incredibly damaging in the wrong hands. Narcissist or not, a person that does not love or respect themselves is just not appealing ever, on any level.
For an emotional manipulator, your pain is fuel for the monster inside of them that always needs to feed. Your anguish for their ego. It’s not a fair trade and one you should never be willing to make.
When someone walks away from you, one time, let that be all the answer you need. Never beg, never chase – just let them go.
Never put more emphasis or importance on a relationship than you do on yourself and your life. Don’t allow a relationship to destroy you. You and all of your parts are so much bigger and more important than a union with someone who is only interested in their own well-being.
If someone does not see your value, don’t try to show them, don’t jump through hoops, don’t try to buy their loyalty or their love with gifts. If it’s not given freely and consistently, it was never yours and it doesn’t exist.
Written by Savannah Grey Post originally appeared on Esteemology.com Printed with permission