How To Be Alone While Going Through A Breakup


be alone going through breakup

Being alone while going through a breakup can be a very hard and painful thing to go through, but sometimes that’s one of the best things you can do for yourself.

As a breakup coach, I’m constantly getting asked “how can I learn to be alone when my relationship ends?”

This article is for you if:

  • You lived with your partner and now they’ve moved out.
  • You have some codependent tendencies when you’re in a relationship.
  • Neither of the above but literally you’re so bored and worried you don’t know what to do with yourself now that you’re not in a relationship.

I don’t know how it’s possible, but I used to fit into all three of those camps.

So today, I’m here to share my experience in hopes that you can maybe even feel excited about being alone.

Okay, fine—feel better about being alone.

It’s about the small wins at this point, right?

So, to give you a little background on me and why this topic is near and dear to my heart, I’d like to share that in my last relationship before I met my fiancé, I had two activities in my life: spending time with my boyfriend, and going to work.

I didn’t have many friends in the area (I was new to Vancouver at the time) and I always waited around for my ex to make plans with me. Meanwhile, he had a life, worked more than full time, and had hobbies and friends, and enjoyed his personal time. We even lived together for a brief time before we went our separate ways.

So when we ended things, I moved into my new apartment, and pretty much had to start from scratch.

So, when you say “I feel like there’s nothing to do” then I feel you, wholeheartedly.

Related: 7 Stages Of Grieving A Breakup And Finally Letting Go

Today I want to share some of the things I did in order to kind of rebuild myself, if you will.

Firstly, after allowing it all to sink in, I decided it wasn’t so bad to have a clean slate. And what comes with a clean slate, empty container, or new beginning? A chance to fill your life with new activities, hobbies, interests, and a whole lot of self-love.

Of course, you’re going to grieve, and I certainly did.

But then I realized that of course I feel a little empty, and a little thumb-twiddly (that’s got to be a word?) because I was literally starting fresh. I don’t know too much at this point.

But then I realized this was MY CHANCE to get to know myself.

And actually create new friendships and nurture the few ones I had.

And actually force myself (lovingly) to try to explore.

Okay back to you. Let me ask you THIS very important question:

Are you ALONE or just lonely?

Part of the idea that you’re lonely is actually not because you’re alone. It’s because you need some loving reminders of the love you have in and around you.

I realized very soon into my breakup that I wasn’t exactly thriving in life. I depended too much on my relationship with my ex, and I didn’t have direction. I certainly had no idea what my “5-year plan” was.

But my breakup allowed me to rediscover myself, and actually fill my own cup up, instead of focusing constantly on my partner at the time.

If you’re feeling alone right now, I get it. But know that we ALL need a period of rest and rejuvenation after a breakup.

be alone while going through a breakup
Sometimes it’s good to be alone while going through a breakup

A period where we don’t know where were headed. (Even if that takes 8 months or more.)

A period of being okay with uncertainty. (Even if that lasts way longer than you expected.)

Honestly, the feeling you have right now that feels kinda brutal, and like you’re “lost” is actually the preface of a fulfilling life.

I know, it sounds counterintuitive.

Personally, without me feeling that way, I’d never be where I am today. That feeling made me realize how little I knew myself, and how little attention and self-love I gave myself.

Actually, it was during my breakup and these confusing feelings that made me begin my relationship to myself.

Right now it likely feels like a thick fog, but even better opportunities are on their way to you.

Related: Things No One Talks About After A Breakup

Remember this…

Amazing things will unfold as each day passes for you, and more and more inspirational for healing will come to you.

A month into my breakup, I went back to school. I didn’t make a plan or write down a long list of things I enjoy doing like what all the relationship coaches tell you to do. I let time to do her thing and I stayed open to what this new beginning is bringing me.

Shortly after my breakup, I was randomly invited to go on a little boat outing, where I met my future relationship coach. She changed my life and is a big reason I do what I do today.

You never know the possibilities that are ahead.

We can’t always plan for how each day will be during our breakup, but we can do small foundational things to support us, like connecting with people we love or who are experiencing the same thing, and making your home feel more full and like you.

I really feel that during our breakups, we need to take each day as it comes. We can wake up in the morning and choose to stay open to new possibilities.

Here is a meditation for you to listen to every morning to appreciate today even when you’re going through a painful, confusing breakup.

Much love,


Working on being alone while going through a breakup

If you have any questions, you can contact Nancy Ruth Deen here.

Written By Nancy Ruth Deen  
Originally Appeared In Hello Breakup
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  1. Jared Squires Avatar
    Jared Squires

    Thank you

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