Being alone while going through a breakup can be a very hard and painful thing to go through, but sometimes that’s one of the best things you can do for yourself.
As a breakup coach, I’m constantly getting asked “how can I learn to be alone when my relationship ends?”
This article is for you if:
- You lived with your partner and now they’ve moved out.
- You have some codependent tendencies when you’re in a relationship.
- Neither of the above but literally you’re so bored and worried you don’t know what to do with yourself now that you’re not in a relationship.
I don’t know how it’s possible, but I used to fit into all three of those camps.
So today, I’m here to share my experience in hopes that you can maybe even feel excited about being alone.
Okay, fine—feel better about being alone.
It’s about the small wins at this point, right?
So, to give you a little background on me and why this topic is near and dear to my heart, I’d like to share that in my last relationship before I met my fiancé, I had two activities in my life: spending time with my boyfriend, and going to work.
I didn’t have many friends in the area (I was new to Vancouver at the time) and I always waited around for my ex to make plans with me. Meanwhile, he had a life, worked more than full time, and had hobbies and friends, and enjoyed his personal time. We even lived together for a brief time before we went our separate ways.
So when we ended things, I moved into my new apartment, and pretty much had to start from scratch.
So, when you say “I feel like there’s nothing to do” then I feel you, wholeheartedly.
Today I want to share some of the things I did in order to kind of rebuild myself, if you will.
Firstly, after allowing it all to sink in, I decided it wasn’t so bad to have a clean slate. And what comes with a clean slate, empty container, or new beginning? A chance to fill your life with new activities, hobbies, interests, and a whole lot of self-love.
Of course, you’re going to grieve, and I certainly did.
But then I realized that of course I feel a little empty, and a little thumb-twiddly (that’s got to be a word?) because I was literally starting fresh. I don’t know too much at this point.
But then I realized this was MY CHANCE to get to know myself.
And actually create new friendships and nurture the few ones I had.
And actually force myself (lovingly) to try to explore.
Okay back to you. Let me ask you THIS very important question:
Are you ALONE or just lonely?
Part of the idea that you’re lonely is actually not because you’re alone. It’s because you need some loving reminders of the love you have in and around you.
I realized very soon into my breakup that I wasn’t exactly thriving in life. I depended too much on my relationship with my ex, and I didn’t have direction. I certainly had no idea what my “5-year plan” was.
But my breakup allowed me to rediscover myself, and actually fill my own cup up, instead of focusing constantly on my partner at the time.
If you’re feeling alone right now, I get it. But know that we ALL need a period of rest and rejuvenation after a breakup.