The other woman too is an illusion, just as your dreams with a narcissistic man are. Something was quite not right about the way he treated you recently. He never trailed off in the middle of an important conversation as he did now. He never was so busy that he didn’t notice you were sick for days. He never was so careless about you. This is me writing a letter to the other woman, which unfortunately for the time being, is you.
Every time you looked at his mobile screen, you saw a flash of fear run across his face. Why? You wondered.
Your suspicion bells were ringing but you subdued the voice with the voice of trust. You knew he wasn’t hiding anything from you for sure. Because you knew he loves you and no one can ever replace you.
But somewhere, something was not quite right. To console yourself, you mention your concern to your partner, only to be ridiculed by him. He calls you insecure and paranoid to have ever suspected a genuine lover like him. But you increasingly keep failing to silence your growling intuition.
Related: 5 Clear Signs He’s Cheating On You
In the meantime, you keep a close track on him and while you do so you find out a letter in his wallet. In moments, you find your world breaking apart as you read through the letter, each word piercing your heart. Your heart starts throbbing like mad and you realize that you are not the only person in his life – there’s the other woman too.
The truth is, your initial response will be denial. But with time as the truth sinks in, you realize that you are finally replaced.
All of your hatred goes on that other woman who has stolen your partner. You curse her as you ask in your head, how could she when she already knew that he was committed?
But with time, you come to see that this person actually saved your life.
This is a letter for every “other woman” who will never come to know what they did to us. We cannot reach you directly, for it would only send us back into a world of insanity that none of us desire to revisit. But we can hope that you might come across this letter and learn that there are always two sides to every story.
You have already been told one. Here is the other.
To the other woman,
To be very frank, I hated you. I quietly watched you shamelessly stealing the love of my love and flaunting it all over social media for people to see. It took me weeks to realize that you were cheating with my partner even before our relationship ended.
It took me months to realize that my pain and tears were used as a tool to fish out sympathy from you. And now I know, it will take me forever to come out of the insecurity of being replaced by another woman.
I do not hate you anymore. Now I am concerned about you. We might be two completely separate individuals, with different bodies and personalities – but when it comes to relationships, we are the same woman.
Want to know how?
The place that you hold in his heart now, I conquered the same space. Just like you are now, I was the most beautiful, perfect, flawless partner in the world. Like you are saving him from his “emotionally unstable” ex now, I also saved him from the pain of his last, crazy ex.
I sympathized with him about how horribly she treated him, according to him. I was thrilled to be the person who finally made him happy. He was fascinated by me. He spent every single moment of his waking life texting me and showering me with attention. You are living the same ups and downs of a beautiful journey of love with him as I did. Ditto. Same.
Does this sound familiar?
One must wonder, in this short span of time, how I suddenly became crazy. Bipolar. Jealous. Needy. Clingy. Abusive! How did a flawless dreamy love story suddenly change into a nightmare, just in the blink of an eye?
Where did all the promises of being through thick and thin vanish? How did I suddenly become so horrible? How come all of his exes treat him badly without any fault of his? I might be a narcissist, wielding manipulation on him, what about his ex? What about the ex previous to his ex? She too was abusive?
For so long I punished myself thinking I was worthless. I truly believed that I deserved it. I believed I was getting old, becoming monotonous, lacking zeal, and hence he fell in love with another woman – so happily and enthusiastically. I believed I was an absolute mess, the worst disaster that could have ever happened to him.
Suddenly, this realization struck me – I was you.
And my biggest concern started being you. I feel extremely sorry that it might be too late and I will never be able to save you from this nightmare. The victims of a manipulative person can never escape once he is groomed to act as the narcissistic supply. For the rest of your life, you will live the illusion of being the expectation of his life.
You will lie to yourself, desperately trying to recreate your perfect dream. Gradually, without even your conscious idea, your identity will begin to fall apart. You will start living the life he wants you to live, just to make him stay. Like sandpaper, he will push your boundaries until you don’t even know who you are anymore.
Inevitably another woman will enter the scene and will steal him from you as you stole him from me. The truth is, a narcissist is never anyone’s, just their own person. You will be strung along for as long as possible, as I once was. When you give up on his falsehood and defend yourself, your extremely volatile reactions will be used against you to gain sympathy from the new target.
And eventually, you will stand where I do.
I don’t want another innocent individual to go through the exact same experience as I went through. I know that your intentions were not malicious. I know that you were being spoon-fed the exact same lies I believed a long time ago.
You have been lured in by the fantasy land that he promised you. You might not believe it today but one day this letter will make brutal sense. And it will be quite late then.
I do not hate you. But he definitely wants me to hate you.
Manipulative mind games are invincible to everything but love. I will not carry on his legacy by taking part in these triangles anymore, injecting jealousy & hatred to fill the void of his soul.
I am over the phase of mourning the loss. What hurt the most was seeing his mirage fade away. You are lucky that you will get an idea of what is about to unfold through this letter. My request to you is to shower the same empathy and understanding on the woman who replaces you. All we can do to stop this cycle of abuse is to show compassion to one another and help unmask these narcissists.
By recognizing that there is no other woman – we are all that woman.
Wishing you love, hope, and above all: freedom.
Want to know more about the other woman you were cheated on for? Check this video out below!