Like a bomb went off in your heart.
It’s like the unexpected slap in the face. Only this time, it feels like you have been hit with a chair instead.
The moment when your perfectly normal life is suddenly turned upside down. You are left feeling speechless, shattered and completely in heartbroken shock.
We all seem way too familiar with the terms ‘ghosting’, ‘benching’ and even being ‘catfished’, but what happens when you managed to skip all those common obstacles only to be completely blindsided by the person you are in a committed relationship with?
Call it a mid-life crisis or whatever label makes them feel better for justifying their behavior — it still does not lessen the impact of being completely betrayed by someone you have trusted and loved for years.
Betrayal seems to be something more common than not these days.
The worst part is that most of the time you don’t even get any warning signs.
I have seen women who have been married for 10, 15 or even 25 years who suddenly have their husband turn around, break up and leave, or admit unfaithfulness out of the blue.
They say that it takes two to tango, and sure, that’s true.
But not in cases of what is called ‘blindsiding’.
This is an act which takes everyone by surprise, sometimes even the man who is causing it.
In short, it’s like being hit by an unexpected freight train, except you still must carry on living.
To be forced into a break up with absolutely no time to prepare, and probably no closure on the near horizon, can leave us shaken to the core and feeling completely lost.
It’s hard to know what exactly to do in a situation you never saw coming, but here are a few little tips of wisdom, to help guide you through this season of heartbreak and turmoil:
1. Remain calm.
After the initial shock has worn off, you will probably experience every emotion under the sun from anger through to devastation and desperation.
You will be searching for reasons, answers and dissecting every possible memory and conversation you both ever had.
The trick is to try and stay focused and calm in the storm.
You don’t have to have all the answers, and you may never have them, but that’s OK. Our heart may be falling apart, but it doesn’t mean our mind and life have to as well.
Try to control your thoughts and emotions by not getting caught up in over-thinking or assuming that you have failed.
2. Remember your worth.
While circumstances may change, it does not mean that who you are is not enough. Do not forget that someone’s inability to love you the way they are meant to, has anything to do with your worth.
You are worthy regardless of whether or not your relationships last or fall apart.
Write a list of all your wonderful qualities and put it somewhere where you can see it every day to remind yourself of what you have to offer this world.
Someone’s treatment of you does not, and never will reflect your true value.
3. Don’t get stuck in this moment.
It’s so easy to become completely consumed by the whole breakupsaga.
While you need to acknowledge what is happening and get practical about what needs to be done, you mustn’t let it take over your hope because the only thing bigger than our fears is hope.
Try to remember, there is a bigger picture and that this is just a small season in the grand scheme of life.
4. Stop over-thinking and blaming yourself.
For sure there are probably things you could have done better, I mean we are human and we make mistakes.
But don’t start the negative self-talk and assume that the reason this breakup has happened is because you have failed in so many ways.
The truth is that most the time, the reason why you are blindsided is because you have been consistent in your behavior, and your partner has been going through their inner turmoil that you weren’t even aware of.
People change, and that is something we cannot control or fix.