All humans make mistakes and hurt loved ones. But overall you should feel cherished.
The beauty of those of being treated poorly in relationships is the power and self-respect you gain through your hard knocks.
A common yet understandable error that disempowered and oppressed people make is to question themselves and justify poor treatment by others.
It’s beautiful to have a compassionate heart, but when it comes to your inner circle, and especially your romantic partner, you must be unapologetic about your standards and not let your compassion for others get the better of you. In other words, don’t feed your pearls to swine.
The right person uplifts you and treats you with the respect you deserve.
If you find yourself questioning whether he loves you despite his hurtful behavior, then you’ve answered your own question: NO! He doesn’t love you and it’s not because you are unlovable — it’s because his capacity to love is impaired and you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
The majority of people do not intend to harm others. However, many do cause harm, not because it’s their intention, but because they are too stuck in their own suffering to consider the needs of others. They are not in a state of love, so they cannot possibly love you.
When someone you are romantically involved with does not show you tender care and empathy, it’s because they live in such a narrow psychological world that all they can manage to do is greedily protect themselves. This means taking as if there were famine, and not sharing because to do so threatens their continued existence, or so they believe.
They do not love themselves, for when you love yourself, you inherently love others and life itself. Those who love themselves know that all of humanity is connected; that not caring for others is cutting off one’s nose to spite their face.
You will know that you’ve found a good guy who loves himself and can, therefore, love you when he never does these 10 things. Here are the signs that he doesn’t love you:
1. He puts destructive habits before you.
Addiction blocks a person’s ability to love. Period. If the addiction is to substances, their love is even further diminished because it alters their mental and physical states.
Very few things in life are guaranteed, but you cannot ever be deeply loved by a person with addiction because they will always put their object of addiction before you. Addiction is inherently narcissistic and self-destructive.
2. He threatens you physically, emotionally, or verbally.
This one seems obvious, but those of us who have been threatened and/or abused know the insidious power of the abusive cycle. Not only does it lower your self-worth, but chemically, the lows that come with abuse are so severe that the feel-good oxytocin released into the bloodstream when the abuser “loves” you again becomes addictive to you.
But this pattern is not love any more than a heroin habit is love. Nor should you go through such dramatic chemical and emotional swings. Real love is grounded, trustworthy, and stable.
3. He pressures you to do things for him that you don’t feel comfortable doing.
A classic sign of self-centeredness, a person who pressures you into doing things for him that you are not comfortable doing has no regard for you. You are an object to him, to be used for his own power source.
If you are an empath and giver by nature, you must especially watch out for this trap. You feel good by giving, he feels good by taking — it’s the perfect storm that leads to destruction and classic dysfunctional relationships.
It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with low self-worth and a search for identity through another person.
4. He repeatedly fails to keep his word or lies to you.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz brought the importance of this reality to light. It’s been said that it’s better to live in a tent if you must than to live in a mansion with a man you can’t trust.
Your romantic relationship is one of the most intimate relationships in your lives, and what allows it to be intimate is trust. Without trust, there is no relationship. Trust is the very foundation of your relational home. If he does not keep his word, you are not safe with him.